Do I need to talk to him about ED yet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Do I need to talk to him about ED yet?
5
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 12:02am
I've been dating someone for about three months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 1:48am

Drinking flames the desire but douses the ability. In plain english, it gets you in the mood but (for guys anyway) it usually makes getting a full erection a problem. I'm sure that 100% of the women out there that indulge in drunken sex have had problem with the guy getting it up more than once. This is one well known effect of alcohol.

On the otherhand, if you are both shy it could be a combination of the alcohol and shyness.

Only one way to find out, ditch the alcohol and make your move. It doesn't sound like he's assertive enough to do it so you are going to have to do it yourself.

And for God's sake, don't even mention ED to him at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 7:38am

Welcome to the board, Krismae.

Since all of your tries have been with alcohol, I agree with Westridge -- ditch the alcohol, make your move, and don't mention ED.

I'm sure he's concerned about what you're thinking, and most guys feel a bit of embarrassment with their equipment isn't working properly. Bringing up ED at this point will likely cause him to be more self-conscious, which may even cause him to have some real psychological ED problems.

















iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 10:39am
If he feels shy with you, that could also be a major contributor to why he hasn't been able to get hard. If he is feeling nervous, then the blood is going to be pumping to a lot of other body areas which makes it harder for it to reach the penis. If you don't mind too much waiting a little longer, I would suggest spending more time together and getting more comfortable with each other before you try to have sex again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 10:52am

I am thinking based on some stuff I've learned from my bf that ED isn't always the case. He's really open and honest with me and we talk about his penis like any other thing in the world. He has zero problem getting absolutely rock hard and has been with lots of women.

Still, once I asked him -- I think we saw an ad for Viagra during an NFL game -- did he ever have a problem getting hard? To my surprise, he said sure I have, several times over the years in fact. He told me that a couple years before I met him, he was simultaneously dating two women, and with one of them he had hard erections, and with the other one he would barely get hard enough to have sex, except a couple of times. He said it wasn't nerves, it was just that the one woman would throw tons of affection and sexiness at him and that the other although beautiful really wasn't into doing that, and his body wasn't as interested.

(Also he's clearly one of those guys who thrives on having a great deal of foreplay done to him -- he'll get hard in seconds but if you play with it for 15-30 minutes before penetration, he'll get REALLY hard. And he said that beautiful girl was singularly uninterested in pleasuring him beforehand.)

I just bring this up because it sounds like ED isn't always ED.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 11:04am

You've been given a lot of good suggestions and ideas in the other posts.