Do men really bother about this?
Find a Conversation
Do men really bother about this?
| Mon, 11-28-2005 - 1:57am |
Yesterday at home, we had a small family gathering for my mom’s birthday. Then all of us, all grown up people, started speaking about men, women, infidelity, sex, etc then my brother in law who is a family judge said that there are many men who are also mistreated by women, their partners. Not physically mistreated (it could happen) but more like women manipulate men like for example in the sex issue, knowing that most men have animal instincts, sort of saying. Then a cousin of mine (female) added that men really hate when a woman tells them, that he is no good in bed, he can’t perform. She says that men feel bad when a woman tells them that. Men feel, they are no men if someone tells them that. Is that really true?

I don't know anyone, male or female who would want to be told they are no good in bed or they can't preform.
Men OR women are all different. Most of us, male or female, do NOT enjoy being told that we're not good at something, especially something that we think we ARE good at, sex being only one example. No one enjoys malicious criticism. If you knock yourself out making a special meal for someone you care about, and they tell you that you're a lousy cook, would you be "bothered" by that? If you get yourself all dressed up for a special occasion, new dress, special makeup and hairdo, and your partner says you look like a fat cow, how would you feel? That's emotional abuse!
Yes, there are men who are "abused", just as there are women who are "abused". Emotional abuse can be just as hurtful as physical abuse. If a woman tells her man that he's a lousy provider, when he works hard every day to the best of his ability, that's emotional abuse. There are some people with low self esteem who accept this kind of abuse, but that doesn't mean they don't MIND it, it means they haven't got enough self respect to demand respect from their partner, so they accept it.
As Tish said, if a person is a truly caring person, they don't abuse another person. If someone isn't a good cook, then you help them to be a better cook. If someone isn't a good lover, then you help them be a better lover. That comes down to "communication". Telling someone that they're lousy in bed isn't going to change anything. Telling them that you would like it if they would do "X" or "Y" or "Z" will help them to be better sexually.
The exception to that is the person who's egotistical, and can't take loving suggestions, because they think they're the greatest, and the other person is all wet. There's no hope for that kind of person, and in the end, it's their partner who's made to feel inadequate, and can be treated abusively.
NO ONE who is a decent well adjusted person with self respect will abuse another person, and they won't allow themselves to be abused, either.
Do men really bother about this? Try telling your partner that they're a lousy lover, and see what their reaction will be. And if you DO that, shame on you.
I dont have a boyfriend or partner so I dont know what his reaction will be if I tell him that sometime in the future.
But I mean I know that us women will feel bad if someone tells us we are not good with something, but I do have heard that men, especially, feel very bad, they react completely different if a girl tells thems he is no good in bed.
The point is that a caring feeling person would NEVER just tell someone of either sex that they're "lousy in bed". That's called "tact" or "finesse". Also, common sense. If you had a b/f, and he told you you were lousy in bed, how would YOU feel? Men and women both react to hurt feelings in the same way! How would you feel if you were on a date and the guy said "you look like a fat cow in that dress"? I'll bet there wouldn't be another date with THAT guy! That's being cruel, and intentionally hurting someone's feelings. Nice people don't do that.
If there's a problem, you don't say "you're a crappy lover". You can accomplish the same thing in a much nicer way by saying "You know, I would really love it if you would do this, or that". Criticizing someone's sexual expertise in a mean way, whether it's male or female is criticizing their very masculinity or femininity, and it doesn't go over well with either sex.
I agree with the others that no one, male or female, enjoys being told that they're no good at something....particularly something like THAT.
But of course, THAT opinion will be relative, too. One woman may think a guy is great in bed while another, may not. So, we should take all opinions with a grain of salt anyway.
"Completely different?" How so?
I know how I might feel having a partner say that I was a lousy lover, and I seriously doubt that it would be any different than a man. An insult is an insult.
Edited 11/29/2005 6:30 pm ET by katmandoo2001
jee i don't know how friendly i'd feel for somebody who told me i wasn't any good in bed, whether i was a man or a woman.
maybe that's just me though, lol
Powered by CGISpy.com