do men think with their dicks?
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do men think with their dicks?
| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 8:36am |
hi, its pretty embarrassing for me to bring this up to you all, but i cant turn to anyone.
i've been with my man for almost 3 years. things are fine and sex was great too. all this while i never took contraceptive, he was using withdrawal method and he has always been the master of his own penis. so i never got pregnant but some months it freaked me out when my period was delayed. recently he seem to be having some physical changes to his body system where our sexual life does change a bit, but i never complain, instead i tried to initiate and make him feel lovable and sexy, so that he wont feel inferior. we talked about this openly and we both settled it in a loving way. it made us even closer.
but recently, we made love on the 11th day of my menstral cycle and becouse my period is always not punctual, i considered first 10 days and last 10 days of the cycle as safe period, the rest of the 8 days is pregnancy period. just as he was about to ejaculate, i told him its not safe and asked him for condom. he stopped immediately and of course orgasm didnt come. he was mad becouse he thinks that pregnancy period should be calculated 5 days from the last day of our period, irrespective how long your duration of period is. anyway, whoever is right or wrong, that's not the point, the point is its my body and i think i have a right to say no at any point of time. if i can unerstand his body and respected that, why cant he do likewise. we argued and i reasoned to him, he said some hurtful things which after that he apologised for screaming at me. but i ignored his apology. we never had sex since then.
i dont know how to face this man, i know while he was at the peak of his anger he always say things which after some time he will apologised for it and pretended nothing happened. not only to me, he does that to everybody. each time i accepted his apology and enjoy the rest of the day with him becuase i dont want to waste all our time arguing and getting mad. but this time, i feel deeply hurt. i can understand his body and never make him feel guilty in any way, why did he blame me for fearing of getting pregnant, and hence he not able to come? i cant get over the fact that he was so selfish at that spur of moment, even though he apologised.
should i forget and get over this, i mean, i know he loves me becouse he treats me well and we respect each other all this while, except this incident which scares me to get close to him. can anybody please explain to me why he said things like that. do men really think with their dick when it comes to sex? has anyone ever argued with their spouses over sex and got over it?
i've been with my man for almost 3 years. things are fine and sex was great too. all this while i never took contraceptive, he was using withdrawal method and he has always been the master of his own penis. so i never got pregnant but some months it freaked me out when my period was delayed. recently he seem to be having some physical changes to his body system where our sexual life does change a bit, but i never complain, instead i tried to initiate and make him feel lovable and sexy, so that he wont feel inferior. we talked about this openly and we both settled it in a loving way. it made us even closer.
but recently, we made love on the 11th day of my menstral cycle and becouse my period is always not punctual, i considered first 10 days and last 10 days of the cycle as safe period, the rest of the 8 days is pregnancy period. just as he was about to ejaculate, i told him its not safe and asked him for condom. he stopped immediately and of course orgasm didnt come. he was mad becouse he thinks that pregnancy period should be calculated 5 days from the last day of our period, irrespective how long your duration of period is. anyway, whoever is right or wrong, that's not the point, the point is its my body and i think i have a right to say no at any point of time. if i can unerstand his body and respected that, why cant he do likewise. we argued and i reasoned to him, he said some hurtful things which after that he apologised for screaming at me. but i ignored his apology. we never had sex since then.
i dont know how to face this man, i know while he was at the peak of his anger he always say things which after some time he will apologised for it and pretended nothing happened. not only to me, he does that to everybody. each time i accepted his apology and enjoy the rest of the day with him becuase i dont want to waste all our time arguing and getting mad. but this time, i feel deeply hurt. i can understand his body and never make him feel guilty in any way, why did he blame me for fearing of getting pregnant, and hence he not able to come? i cant get over the fact that he was so selfish at that spur of moment, even though he apologised.
should i forget and get over this, i mean, i know he loves me becouse he treats me well and we respect each other all this while, except this incident which scares me to get close to him. can anybody please explain to me why he said things like that. do men really think with their dick when it comes to sex? has anyone ever argued with their spouses over sex and got over it?

NO, WE'RE NOT ALL THAT WAY.
Using the withdrawal method is like playing Russian Roulette. It's only a matter of time before you get pregnant.
It's your body and you don't have to apologize for anything you do with it. I'll let the gals take this the rest of the way.
The fact that you've never gotten pregnant is a miracle. Do you WANT to get pregnant? If not, why aren't YOU on birth control?
There is NO safe period during your cycle. You have no way of knowing when you actually ovulate. Some women have gotten pregnant while they're menstruating! Stopping halfway thru and THEN using a condom isn't safe either, because of his pre-ejaculate, which contains sperm, and can make you pregnant before he ejaculates. If you don't want to get pregnant, then don't worry about what HE's thinking with, you start thinking with your head. It sounds more like you'll accept his abuse just to have sex with him.....so who's thinking with what?
A man who claims to be "master of his own penis", and screams at you and says hurtful things is abusing you, and you're allowing him to do it. You don't complain to him because you don't want him to feel inferior??? So, what you're saying is that it's okay if you're not happy or satisfied, as long as he feels "superior"?
Do people ever argue about sex and get over it? Why does it have to be an arguement? Have you ever thought about just DISCUSSING it? If he won't discuss it, then he's just using you for sex, and he doesn't care whether you're happy or not.
You need to think about this relationship.....it doesn't sound like a very healthy one. He's not a very nice man.....he abuses you, and other people too. Is sex worth being abused for?
I have to ask if you don't want to become pregnant and BC is not against your religion in any way (I'm assuming it's not since you asked him to get a condom), why are you not playing it safe with sex and risking the chance of getting pregnant?
Whoah! No contraception? My sister practiced the withdrawal method (natural rhythm method) for three months after her second child before she got pregnant - and I know that she would have been very careful with it! Why on Earth aren't you using a reliable method of contraception? Do you think that all the fuss by other people about contraception is a joke? I am amazed that you haven't gotten pregnant yet. It's such an unreliable method - even with someone that claims they are 'master of their own penis".
Anyway, regardless of the method of contraception, you are right. Your body, and there are two people in this relationship - not just one man wanting to have an orgasm, you have the right to say 'No'. Obviously this guy doesn't want to hear that and was behaving very immaturely and selfish. It sounds like his temper and abuse is entirely a method of control. He has learnt over the years that if he blows his top and yells and screams he will get his way more often than not. He's also discovered that if he apologises afterwards when he has gotten his way, and then acts like nothing happened, people will 'forgive' him and happily treat him normally again without holding a grudge.
Unfortunately, his behaviour won't change in a hurry. You will see this happen time and time again, and it won't be just over sexual issues. I don't think that you should forget this. See what happens next time he gets angry and abusive and you will see the pattern developing. Don't think that other people haven't noticed either. No doubt he will have a reputation as being a pushy and nasty person with an anger problem. People aren't dumb. Even if he pretends that everything is OK after his apology don't think that the other people that were on the receiving end just forget about the abuse either.
I think that you are right to be scared to get close to him. You should have been able to have a discussion with this guy about your fears of getting pregnant, not an argument. Really, there was nothing to argue about. You've both agreed to use this especially unsafe method of contraception and you felt it was more unsafe than usualy. Perfectly reasonable to me. But your guy blew his top. Hmmmm. I've never argued with my partner, with any of my partners, like this about sex. When you think about it, there is nothing that you do with your partner during sex that is reason for a big argument.
Good luck with this guy. The longer you keep letting him get away with things, the more he will use anger as a tool to control you and other people. Not a very nice thing to have to deal with all the time.
I agree with what the other posters have said about your partner and contraception methods. However I believe that much of *this particular arguement* was your own fault.
If you know you are fertile and will be wanting him to wear a condom, you must discuss it with him *before* you have sex. Discussing it when he's "just about to ejaculate" is totally unfair on him.....if you had asked him to wear a condom from the beginning, this whole arguement would not have happened. Correct?
I accept that we should be masters of our own bodies, however, we need to also consider the feelings of our partner. While you do have the right to ask him to stop when he's at the point of orgasm, it's an incredibly selfish thing to do. Good sex is all about communication.....discussing your fertile period, and the contraception requirements before sex is the caring way to do it.
Good point, aisha. I missed that because she mentioned 'withdrawal' method before she mentioned ejeculation and condoms.
To the OP: If you're using the withdrawal method, he pulls out before orgasm and ejeculation everytime regardless of the timing of your cycle. If you are using the natural method he can ejeculate in you any day except those 8 fertile days.
Anyway, whatever method was being used, if he was planning to ejeculate in you and you didn't say anything to the contrary until he was almost at his orgasm then of course he's going to feel pretty upset. It's quite a shock having to pull back from the brink of orgasm. I don't think that there should have been an argument, but I could see why he'd feel a little shirty about it. It's like watching a really good movie and having someone turn off the TV two minutes from the ending. Next time, either get him to use a condom from the start or not have intercourse at all, or get onto another form of BC.
I totally agree with the both of you. I was trying to say that, but I wasn't sure how to word it, so I didn't post anything about that.
To the OP: How would you feel if he was giving you oral sex, and you were right to the brink of orgasm, and then he just got up and left the room. You'd be pretty ticked, right? It's natural to be irritated when something like that happens.
I still have nothing to say about your question .. I'm only here to put in my random two cents. LOL.
>>It's like watching a really good movie and having someone turn off the TV two minutes from the ending. <<
LOL, that happened to DH on a flight from east coast Aust to NZ. He selected a long movie for a the short flight. Man, was he PO'd when they turned off the movies for us to land! We had to rent the video when we got home so that he could see the end.
So, why do they show movies that are longer than the flight?