Do most women really hate sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Do most women really hate sex?
23
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 1:20pm

I am a first time writer and here because I told my wife I would find a board and seek out the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 3:12pm

Personally, I think most people have fluctuations in their libido throughout their life. There are so many things that can't be controlled, and often those closest to us take it in the shorts for those unforeseen events. If every couple really talked through their sexual desires prior to committing to a long term relationship, and IF those same couples always kept their lines of communication open, then perhaps the LL/HL situation wouldn't be so extreme. The problem is, most of us don't foresee the problem coming.

I think the only people who would really look at their potential partners libido are either the people who aren't happy with it at the time, or those that have been in an extremely mismatched situation prior to that relationship.

I think in the case of the LL person pushing sex to the back burner can also be changed by life circumstances and the involvement of their partner. Personally, I have found that when I'm well rested, not over worked, not overly stressed, and not having to deal with all the demands of my family alone, I feel much more sexual. When I feel suffocated by the demands of life, I don't really want to be touched or have people wanting more from me. While some of that pressure can be relieved by not expecting to live up to others expectations, or worrying about how others might judge me (or the way I live my life), or by having a partner that shares in the responsibilities at home, I find that I have the breathing room to be able to think about and enjoy sex.

Okay, now I'll couple that with a partners response to their partners sexual needs. Complicate that by the fact that many men don't know how to sexually satisfy a woman -- and many women don't know how to be sexually satisfied to begin with. If you just don't get anything out of an experience, you're less likely to want to repeat the experience.

I'm not saying that LL people don't exist, but I do think that a lot of LL people would not be considered LL if they had a different set of circumstances in their life. People change throughout their lifetime. Their own wants and needs change as well as their likes and dislikes. You'll find a lot of members here who have discovered they enjoyed doing things they never imagined they would. You'll also find a lot of members here who have discovered they enjoy things with one partner that they never enjoyed with another -- even if it's the same activity.

Have you and your wife talked about ways that might increase her interest in sex? I remember your remark "She listens to Christian radio and last weeks’ discussion was about how men have sex wired into them and that it is the wife’s responsibility to try to give their man sex even though it might not be desirable (I am just paraphrasing because I don’t listen to that station)". That in itself, for me, would be a libido killer. I also remember you saying that you thought sex should be mutually satisfying. Maybe it would be helpful if you researched some Christian websites that sent a positive message about sex within a marriage. I know they exist, and they might give your wife some new insight that would be helpful to both of you.

I also think it would be great if you opened up and let the members here try to help you and your wife with what is (or isn't) going on in your own bedroom. Statistics can be great, especially if someone is looking to find that they are 'normal', but they are also often skewed -- and do very little to improve a situation.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 6:32pm

As a guy, I can empathize with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:39pm

I was married to a LL woman for years. She was great, but unless everything and I mean everthing was perfect from breakfast time onward, the evening was not going to contain any sex. If it did, it would be just squeezed in before going to sleep. Her bjs were really tepid and there wasn't even the slightest thought of dirty talk. Lingerie once in a while -- at least that was good. And she shaved it cue-ball smooth for me. That helped.

But it was like pushing rope for the most part. She just wasn't that into it. I honestly can't figure out the hangup. Clearly there was something there. Anyway, we ended the thing.

I have been amazed, in the three years since we split, to have dated many different women who simply loved sex. A couple of multi-month relationships ensured after sex on the first dates. I literally can't believe it took me this long to realize that not only do women not hate sex, they absolutely LOVE sex when it's accompanied by good vibes and the right chemistry. My current gf would walk through a steel plate to get that endorphin rush.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 12:42pm
I normally post on the ML board. I would just like you to know that I absolutely can not live with out sex and wish that I could get DBF to participate more often. He says that I am more like a man in the respect that I have my own porn collection, masturbate at least every other day if I am not getting it, I am in to trying anything and love kinkier sex. IMO, society has done a great job of getting the roles confused because most women that I know enjoy anything to do with sex (I am 28). Hope this helps!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 12:57pm
Welcome, Ali, and thanks for stopping by and joining in.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 2:36pm
All confirmations help my view that sex is not a chore to the majority of women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 2:39pm

Hi Misty_mae


Did you get my email and do I receive email on this site?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 2:56pm

Hi fish. Will you please fill in your profile so we can know something about you? Thanks a million.


Most women I know don't hate sex. Sometimes things just happen.


You say she's had some professional help. Is she still and is it helping? Has she spoken to her gyn about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 4:14pm

I'm laughing about the term "oversexed".


I'm one of the "insatiable", "nymphomaniac", "all-the time", "anytime-anyplace" ladies that frequent the sex boards, and I have to address the items of helping you listed below.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 4:51pm

A


In the end you are correct but at least if she sees the truth, she might be more willing to seek out someone that might actually help her.