Do numbers = happiness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Do numbers = happiness?
11
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:04am
In this day and age when people may have 30 to 100 or more different sex partners when the do decide to have LTR are they happier than the people who remain virgins until they marry?

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Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:32am
i'm not in a LTR currently, but i do have the numbers. and although i wouldn't say i'm happier or sadder overall than those that wait for marriage, i am very happy for the many intimate encounters i have had with various people (i'm not talking just sex). people are soooooo different, and their energies and ways in bed are soooooo different. i'm glad to have had so many rich experiences. don't get me wrong not all of them were great, but i'd experience the not so great ones again if i knew i'd be getting the great ones too.

i also have to say that if i stayed in my first LTR i would be significantly less happy today than i am.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:58am
I suppose it depends on the individual but I personally don't think so. I would never be happy having sex with no emotional attachment to the man. So for me, every sexual partner would be a potential LTR.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:01am
This is just my opinion. I feel people who go out and have many sex partners are searching for something. Im not really sure what though. It could be love, validation, self esteem( most likely) ,they could be trying to bury a bad break up, and prove to them selves that they are desirable, and how could have my SO cheated on me like that...A lot of reasons. To say they are happier,... could be. They sowed some wild oats and wont always be wondering what it would be like to be with someone else in bed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 10:47am
Depends on the person, but for me, no, numbers do not equal happiness.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 11:39am
sometimes what i'm looking for isn't as complicated as love, validation or self-esteem. often it's just a need for physical closeness.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:12pm
I agree. IF a person only wants to have as many sexual experiences with as many partners as possible, then I guess that's what brings them some sort of happiness. But, to me, sex is only pleasurable if an emotional connection is present. Otherwise, I wouldn't find it satisfying at all.

The physical part of sex will basically be the same with any partner. It's the emotions and feelings of connection that make it special, IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 3:16pm
Happier? Not necessarily. I think having several sexual partners and at least dating several people is important before getting married. Gives you experience in lots of ways and areas. And you won't be left wondering or dreaming about "gee - what if I had experienced a little bit out there". I think there are a lot of men who will have an affair for this very reason - they married the first partner they were with and down the line, over the years and throughout all the changes in our lives, they wonder - hmmmmm. Not all men will act on it, but some will just because they didn't "sow their oats" so to speak. (Same with woman). But that's just my experience and MHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 11:31pm
In a way i do think numbers equal happier. I'm a lady whose been with plenty of guys (but definately not a ton) and I'm glad. I'm a firm believer of trial and error and test drives. If you think about the perfect marriage.. i'm sure one of those qualities is a great sex life. From my experiences, You never know what your gonna get. I mean i'll only sleep with a guy who has potential but man oh man if i married a few that if hadn't slept with.. i would be very miserable today.. No amount of "Training" would have fixed those train wrecks. Nice guys but aweful in bed. Another point... i remember the first few encounters and they were aweful! In no way were they pleasurable to me. Its taken a long time to figure out how to orgasm during sex. I know what i like and dislike. If you ever watch the newlyweds show with jessica simpson who "waited" till she got married.. Have you noticed whenever nick talks about sex or ask to have sex she groans... "do i have to." I don't want to end up like that. I'm not saying sleep with as many people as you can before you get married but i definately think you should test drive before you buy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 1:46pm
Isn't this an unanswerable question? You can't be on both sides of the coin so we can't personally know which one contributed the most to our personal happiness. And there are certainly people who have enjoyed their many sexual exploits and others who have been happy with their one and only sexual partner. So who is to say one is "happier" than the other? And woudn't you think there are a lot more factors than their sexual numbers that contribute to the happiness of the relationship?

Robin

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 5:15pm
You articulated exactly what I was thinking. I completely agree.

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