To Do or Not To Do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
To Do or Not To Do
12
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:49am

Ok, right now I have a huge crush on a guy and we have hung out a lot but its been strictly platonic. Well this post is actually not about him. There is another guy I know and we have gotten really flirty lately. He knows about my crush and in the past even gave me advice. He often compliments me and tells me how pretty I am, etc. Well we started emailing and its gotten really flirty. I am attracted to him but mainly its just physical. The first guy I mentioned, I want as a boyfried while this other one I see as mainly just someone to have fun with.

So I'm debating whether or not I should move things forward with guy #2, i.e. sex. One friend of mine told me to go for it, that a booty call with guy #2 would be harmless. Part of me wants to have sex with him and part of me is afraid I will regret it. I feel conflicted because I feel like if I want to have sex with guy #2 does this mean I don't have strong feelings for guy #1? Basically I feel fickle.

Another thing is I haven't had sex in a looooooooong time. And I miss it! I haven't really dated anyone in a long time either. So I'm craving a real relationship with guy #1 but at the same time I'm also craving some fun, no strings attached sex with guy #2.

I don't even know if guy #1 is even interested in me in that way so I wonder if some of my feelings about #2 are stemming from being frustrated with #1. So I don't know. Just feeling conflicted here...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:08am

>>I don't even know if guy #1 is even interested in me in that way so I wonder if some of my feelings about #2 are stemming from being frustrated with #1<<

Look, I don't think that guy #1 is that into you. If he was head-over-heels, he'd be wanting to see more of you and he may even be the one to suggest a relationship, or a relationship would have developed. Even if he's playing it more careful and subdued, then you'd still be having frequent sex and you'd be seeing more of the guy. I just don't think that #1 is interested enough.

Number #2? Well, who can say what he wants? Meaningless sex or a relationship? Who knows? Having sex with him isn't going to make #1 want you any more and might even have the opposite effect when #1 finds out. Because you ARE going to tell #1, aren't you? After-all, you would want to know if one of these guys was sleeping with other women purely from a sexual health and safe sex point of view, wouldn't you? :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:30am
If you are in school or college, do you spend as much time on your studies or thinking about your career, as you do thinking about men or sex ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 1:52am
I was wondering the same thing, as well as their ages. It all sounds very immature, crushes, "harmless" booty calls....There's nothing "harmless" about booty calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 8:28am

Welcome to the board scooby478.



Some guys value purity, others don't. Since we don't know Guy #1, we can't really say how he feels. If I were you, I would ask him -- what do you have to loose? Perhaps he is interested but doesn't want to move things too quickly. Could be that he runs the other way when he finds out you're having sex with Guy #2. Could be if he knew you were thinking about having a sexual relationship with Guy #2 that it wakes him up. Asking him is really the better option, don't you think?



Whether you have a casual, sexual relationship with Guy #2 is really about your own comfort level. How do you feel about such an arrangement? Personally, I don't think I would be interested in a casual, sexual relationship with one guy while I was really interested in another.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 9:23am

<>

Um, what does that matter? This is the sex board after all. What else would you expect me to talk about on a sex message board?

And FYI, I am a recent college grad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:24am
I think they are right though about it affecting a relationship with #1 negatively if he found out. You really need to tell him how you feel if you want to try to pursue a relationship with him. If it turns out he isn't interested (how can you know till you ask him) then feel free to do what you wish with #2. But if you go ahead and sleep with #2 and #1 finds out and is the least bit reserved he may never want to date you. Just my opinion. Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:30am
In this day and age 'booty calls' are quite common amoung young people. They were quite common when I was growing up in the late 70s too. There is always an element of risk involved but I lived my life and never once caught an STD. And the 70s definitely WAS the age of free love. Condoms are a good thing as long as they use them! Is it moral? What is moral for one person and moral for another may be two separate things. Personally I won't judge anyone here for asking questions. They are just looking for advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:37am

Thank you for that response. I was pretty surprised by some of the responses. I know you open yourself up to judgment when you post on these kind of forums but I didn't really expect the judgmental attitudes of some of the posts.

Thanks for your advice too! I think I am just feeling frustrated about the whole situation with #1 that I find myself being tempted by the other guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:46am

Thank you for your response. I agree the best thing would be to talk to guy #1 and he's very shy so I think if anyone is going to put it on the line it will have to be me.

Honestly I really want guy #1 but I think I'm tempted by guy #2 because he's making it easy on me by making the moves and telling me what he wants. And since I'm feeling down about guy #1, I think it boosts my self-esteem by having this other guy express interest in me, even if it is only for sex.

Thanks again for the reply!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:12pm

Tami, I got divorced in '75....at the age of 39, and I know all about that time. I lived thru the end of it, and enjoyed every minute of it! I didn't get any STD's either..and if I had.....the ones that were prevalent then weren't life threatening, one shot of penicillin, and you were cured. (I got SEVERAL STD's from a cheating husband during my marriage, so that's how I know about the "cures".) HIV, AIDS and herpes hadn't even been heard of then. The worst one in those days was Chlamydia, and that was/is also cureable.

I'm not making a "moral" judgement, or ANY judgement about "booty calls". The usual problem about them is that most females can't have a prolonged FWB arrangement without expecting more, the longer it goes on. "Why doesn't he call me unless he wants sex?".....or better yet, "I've developed feelings"! They aren't without "emotional" risk! That's just my opinion!

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