to do, or not to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
to do, or not to do...
11
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 3:20pm
well... i am a virgin and the guy that im with is not. we have a good time together and our relationship is mainly physical. while he's not pressuring me to "go all the way", i feel like that would be the next step. we don't have a great emotional connection, he is certainly not the love of the life, but he is very do-able. i'm wondering, should i just go ahead and get this virginity thing out of the way, or wait. personally, i have no special feelings about my state of virginhood. my only qualm is, is that i am wondering should i wait for "mr.right", wherever he may be, or just go ahead. what was you guy's first experience like? was it special, or do youjust do it and you regret it now that you didn't wait.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 4:57pm
Remember that your virginity is a gift that you only get to give once in your lifetime. My advice would be to save it for someone who's worthy of the gift. My first time was with my college GF, when I was 19. Although she didn't turn out to be the love of my life, I was very much in love with her at the time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 5:56pm

Only you could decide whether or not to have intercourse with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 6:38pm

Everyone has a different attitudes about sex and virginity. I can only share my own experience with you.


I was very much in love with the person I shared my virginity with. I spent a lot of time beforehand thinking about

Mrs P

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 6:57pm
I, speaking from experience would save it for Mr.Right because as Steve said you only get to give it once and it's something very special.
~ Emily ~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:38pm
Hey there tiny....I can't tell you if you should have sex with him or not, nor can anyone else. This is a personal decision that you have to make within yourself. I personally had sex with someone I thought I loved...and my god was he sexy...LOL
I wouldn't say I regret it by any means, it just made me smarter and I learned from the experience. Proabably as most would say, losing your virginity sucks...LOL it was not plearsureable at all at least for me. I had only had sex 2 times before I got married, sometimes I wish I had been more experienced and been with more people. After I had been with the second guy I was with (I was drunk and had a 1 night stand) I promised myself I would never have sex with anyone unless I loved them and I stuck to it. I dated guys...One guy for quite a while and didn't have sex with him. So I know the choice I made was right for me. Everyone is different.
I wish you luck...keep us posted!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:49pm

I have to agree pretty much with the rest of the posters. I gave up my virginity at 16 to a man (18) that I knew I shouldn't have been with. It was not special (he knew less about sex than I did) and I regretted it for a while but eventually got over that.

But ... I raised my children right I guess because my youngest son joined the Marine Corps at 20, spent a tour in Iraq, came home and met the love of his life when he was 21. At that time he was still a virgin (his buddies in the Corps knew it too, he took a lot of ribbing for that) and he ended up marrying the girl (who I love like a daughter too). She KNOWS how special she is to him. BTW .. even though I am biased because I gave birth to him, he is one HOT Marine. He didn't have to stay a virgin, but he wanted it to mean something special. I just WISH I had the fortitude that he has.

But even though that worked for him, I am good in my life and I didn't ... so its a personal choice that you have to make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:36pm

Well, as you can see, everyone has a different view on it. It's your body, and your virginity.....to do with as you please. It's certainly not something to "get out of the way". I think it's better if you have SOME emotional connection with the person you choose to do it with......because first time intercourse can be stressful and even painful if you pick someone who doesn't know what HE's doing!

The word "virginity" doesn't mean much in this day and age. We all know the dictionary definition...a vagina that's never had a penis in it.....but it also implies "innocence" which isn't true in most cases. You're a perfect example. Your relationship is "physical" meaning you're probably doing everything BUT having intercourse....so there's no way you could be considered "innocent". Intercourse is just one more variation of the physicality that you've been practicing already. And, as Tish said, after it's all over, you might even think.....big deal! For the majority of women, it is not the best part of their sexual relationship, as it is for men. For men, it seems to be the GOAL....for women....it's what you do after foreplay....which for many women is much more pleasure and satisfaction than intercourse will ever be.

I've never heard a woman who regretted waiting for the right partner.......but I've heard lots of women regretting giving it up to the wrong person, or at too young an age. Your body, your choice. What anyone else thinks doesn't matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 9:19am

Welcome to the board s_tinyone.

I think you have received some excellent advice here. I agree that it's your body, your choice, but I don't care for the wording of "get it out of the way".

Your virginity is something that you have one time, and IMO, loosing it is something you should be able to look back on fondly. That doesn't mean it will be with Mr. Right. I think it's important to loose your virginity when you think it will mean something to you. For many, that's when they think they are with Mr. Right, for others it's because they are with someone that they feel sexually compatible with.

You're the only person who can make the decision that is right for you. I can only share with you that of the people I know that gave up their virginity for the wrong reasons, they usually regret it to some degree. For those that made the decision to give up their virginity for their own reasons, reasons they were comfortable with, they look back fondly on that occurrence.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 4:23pm

When I lost my virginity, it was with a man I was madly in love with. When we had sex for the first time, it didn't hurt, because we were going very slowly and working up to that for about two weeks. It was a beautiful experience and I wouldn't have wanted to lose my virginity any other way.

I pretty much hate him now and don't really know why I put up with so much crap, but I am glad that I don't regret the way it happened. You always remember your first time, so IMO it should at least be something you can be happy about. Like Tish said, if you know you won't have any regrets about it, go for it, if not, maybe wait till you know for certain you are ready.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 11:02pm

I agree with Boston Steve. Your virginity is very speacial . It's not something
to just get rid of . i would waite untill I found a person that made me feel cared for
You wouldn't want to loose it to a guy that's just trying to get in your pants!
You want it to be good if not a great experience. My first time was with the love of my life
It was amazing, sex has never been as amazing as the first time we were together.
It is very speacial to us.

Give it lots of thought before you give yourself.

Kareese

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