Do threesomes ruin relations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Do threesomes ruin relations?
8
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 2:15pm

My man has a fantasy to have a threesome,me him and
another woman....while I love him and want to give him
what he wants,I wonder.....

Will it be okay if there is no actual penetration
between him and this other woman....or in the heat of
the moment will i not care if penetration takes place

If its more him watching me with the other woman with
little or no contact between them, or at most she and
i performing fellatio on him....will I be able to
handle that?

He says that he wants me to also have pleasure out of it so if he is sucking on my breasts which I love and the woman going down on me. He says he has always heard that women can pleasure other women better than a man can by going down.

He personally does not care about the penetration but is more intrigued by having two women performing fellatio on him. He has never had that experience, or he says even to have the other woman sucking his balls as i am riding him. I just dont know. I wonder If I would like a woman going down on me and having my mans penis in my mouth or him sucking my nipples or to even have her sucking on my nipples whilst he is inside me.

Have you ever been in a threesome? If no, would you
ever,if yes, were their any rules, do you have any
regrets?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 2:23pm
Let's take him out of this for a moment. Do you want to be with another woman? Are you just doing this for him? Only thinking of you for a moment, does this turn you on? What do you feel when you imagine him with another woman? Do you think you could handle it afterwards? A month after it is over, will you be afraid he is still contacting her behind your back? Will you question his intentions every time you catch him glancing at a pretty woman? Having a threesome can be a wonderful experience, but I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't do it unless I was the guest star. I think it brings alot of issues to the relationship. Just my humble opinion.
You can check out the Taboos board, many people there have alternative lifestyles and are very open about discussing the pros and cons.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 2:32pm

Dear Artful,

There are some who have good experiences with threesomes, but most do not; and usually those that don't REALLY don't. I would recommend doing a search on the ivillage websites for 3somes... you'll find some real horror stories.

You may be one of the couples that can do this and just have a wonderful time. However, before embarking on a threesome, ask yourself if sex is worth the end of your relationship. It's a risk that doesn't come up with other sexual experimentation...at least the ones that don't involve a third party. For example, if you try anal sex or B and D or S and M and find that you don't like it...that's that, you don't like it and you don't have to do it again. However, if you do a threesome and it turns out badly (jealousy, hurt feelings etc.) it's hard to get the thoughts out of your mind. Feelings of betrayal or guilt are tough nuts to crack when it comes to the human mind. One of the interesting things that you will find if you do a search on ivillage is that often times the partner that wants to do the threesome the most turns out to be the one that has a problem with it.

In my opinion some things are best left in the fantasy realm. Fantasies are safe...they turn out exactly the way you want them, when you bring another party into your sex life there are, in the form of another person, a whole new set of feelings and emotions, not to mention your own.

Think through what you do carefully before you make a decision. Whatever you do, good luck and much love to both of you.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 3:10pm

You've gotten a couple of very good answers so far and I haven't got a lot more to add to what has already been said.

Yes, threesomes can be fun and can be a good experience. But you have to want it for yourself and you have to have a good relationship that can handle and deal with any jealousy and unexpected emotions that may occur. In your case it sounds like you are doing it for your husband more than for yourself and that's a warning flag to me. You also talk about him not wanting penetration - well, he might truely believe that himself but what happens in the heat of the moment if he finds the other woman's willing, wet vagina inches from his penis? Do you really think that he's NOT going to want intercourse? I had a threesome once with a girlfriend and her best friend at my g/f's request. Everything went fine until I ejeculated inside the best friend. My g/f promptly burst into tears and cried "You didn't have to cum in her!"

Think about it carefully - there is no rush. And Yes, make some rules and guidelines if you do decide to go ahead with it.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 3:45pm

My 2 cents worth? When in doubt, don't. That's it.

If you aren't equally intrigued with the idea, then it shouldn't happen. We should NEVER invite another person into our bed without being in total agreement about it. Because once it's done, you can't take it back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 5:38pm

Hi Everyone thanks for your responses. Firstly let me say that my man is not even aware that I am entertaining any thoughts of engaging in a three-some with him. It is something he and I have talked about in so much as he has mentioned that he has had three-somes in the past and he enjoyed it alot. I got to thinking....hmmmmm.....is this something that I can do for him? So I wanted some ideas, feedback, thoughts etc on the matter. I must say that I have read all the postings and the messages are basically the same. In all honesty, since having another woman in bed with my man is not one of my fantasies and my man is quite content with it being just us, I will keep it that way. Any thoughts I may have had of entertaining the idea of a threesome is now firmly put to rest and I will spend my time now thinking of ways to spice up my sex life that involves no one else but us.

Thank you all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:09pm
Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:50am
Good luck. Don't think that we're being spoil-sports and putting you off trying, we're just saying "Be sure first!". Have fun spicing it up in other ways. Two people can get into plenty of trouble if they try!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2005
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 11:09am
My advice is don't. The likelihood is that you'll get jealous. Ask him, by way of illustration, why you can't have a threesome with him and another man first, just to see how well he'd behave if a man were touching you? I've been through this myself (not just because my husband cheated on me with someone who could easily make me jealous seeing him with, which is a kind of sad little threesome) twice with couples. Both times it was no fun. Each time the woman got terribly jealous and made a scene. One time, a woman asked me to fulfill a fantasy of theirs. I was very wary, asking lots of questions, etc. but stupidly went ahead because I thought this woman was so confident and I thought had a terrific body and nothing to be ashamed of, etc. etc. Anyway, they wanted me to spank her husband in front of her. The stupid thing was we didn't iron out all the details first. Who can imagine, in advance, all the things that would come up? To make a long story short, seeing her husband's reactions to me and what I was doing to excite him (not touching him at all, just talking and posing), seeing him get a huge erection even before the spanking and then him melting and having an orgasm as I spanked him very hard she screamed "stop stop" and made a big jealous scene. It ended up with her spanking him and me watching and I'll never again do that unless it's with people I am absolutely sure of, though some of them you can be, as I have a ménage a trois today which is perfectly delightful and wholly relaxed and happy.