Do you end a realtionship over sex issue
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Do you end a realtionship over sex issue
| Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:31am |
Hey to all! It's me again! I am the one who has just started having sex and as I mentioned before my partner is very small in that department. I know you all have said to try different positions and the more we have sex the better it will get. Well, we had sex this weekend with me on top, it didn't help. He loved it, but he still didn't hit my spot. I think it is impossible for me to orgasm during intercourse. I also worried that he would get off quicker ( I wasn't sure when he would cum) and I wanted to prolong intercourse in hopes of orgasm so we switched back to the missionary position. Plus while I was on top he kept slipping out of me at times. His size has to be an issue! I care for him and since he was my first I would like to continue to be with him. BUT I am so curious to experience sex with someone else to see if I am more pleased with it. He talks as if we are going to have a long future together, but the sex just isn't doing it for me. Is sex a reason to end a realtionship? How can I make this better and satisfy myself and my curiousity? I am more stimulated with his finger inside me and I asked him to continue to mess with me to see if I could get off, but I hope he wasn't offended by me loving that. He SO WANTS to please me, but I don't think I will be completely satisfied until I orgasm during intercourse!

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I personally would not end a relationship over not being able to orgasm.
I know TONS AND TONS of girls that cannot get off during sex..and yes it sucks. u may want to try going out and buying yourself a cheap 10.00 vibrator (not dildo, vibrator) and using that. just focus on where it feels good. without knowing your own body, u can't expect your partner to. (the vibrator will rock your world, trust me! mine broke the other night, i was sad. yes actually sad.. it was my first one!)
good luck girl!
WOT might have been successful for you if you weren't moving too far away from his body and instead, just grinding yourself against him. That's usually the reason why an erection slips out.
IF you are determined to make his size an issue though, then it WILL affect your feelings for him, sooner or later. But "where there is a will, there is a way", so if you are determined to figure this out, then you will.
IF you can orgasm with manual stimulation, then ask for that to continue through intercourse. Most women require that anyway, so it's definitely not unusual.
And neither is having to figure out how to please or be pleased in a relationship...we all have to do that. He either means enough to you to make the effort, or he doesn't. Only you can decide that though.
Edited 6/20/2005 2:42 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Are you aware that at least 80% of women do NOT have orgasms from intercourse alone? No matter what their partner's size. That's because the inside of your vagina has no nerve endings, and with the exception of the "g" spot, almost NO feeling.
The majority of women need clitoral stimulation DURING intercourse to have an orgasm. You can get that by doing it yourself, have him do it, OR keep practicing the WOT position, and instead of bouncing up and down, just slowly and sensuously grind against him.....that will eliminate him "falling out", and it will give you clitoral stimulation. That's why it's a favorite position for most women.
In my experience, most guys don't finish with the woman on top.....because it's not really stimulating them that much.....that position is for YOU, not for him. Sometimes they do if it's been going on a long time, but generally, they don't.
Should you break up with him over sex? That's up to you. If he's a great guy, and he does all in his power to please you sexually.......that's more than a lot of guys do. But, if you're going to continue to feel cheated, you might as well end it, because he's not going to get any bigger....and there's nothing he can do about it. Do HIM a favor and get out of it. Hopefully, you won't regret it someday when you realize he was a great guy, and you didn't give it enough of a chance.
PS: you can have GREAT sex with a lot of guys....guys that will treat you like a dog OUT of the bedroom. Which would you rather have? There's a lot more to a relationship than sex.
Would I end a relationship for sexual reasons? Yeah. But it depends on the reasons. If everything else was good in the relationship... well, you just have to weigh up the options, don't you?
The only thing that worries me is that you aren't experienced and admit that you barely know what you're doing and how to do it - but you're now convinced that you'll never orgasm during intercourse unless you have a big penis. An awful lot of women need their clitoris stimulated during intercourse (by fingers or a vibrator) if they want to cum, regardless of the size of the penis. It would be a shame for you to be convinced you need something when that's not really the problem at all. Maybe you just need to stimulate your clitoris or practice your moves a bit more?
Having said that, some women love a big penis for the full feeling that it gives them and I don't think that you are going to be happy until you at least try a big penis and see if it works for you.
At the end of the day, it's your choice.
Kassie,
Great replies for you so far! I wanted to add/question a couple of things myself.
I don't recall you mentioning anything other than missionary and woman superior...unless I missed that part. I remind you again, even for the sake of others reading this that may benefit, that there ARE certain positions designed for size issues, just like you feel you have with this nice guy you're with. Let us know if you need a link or two to any of them if you're interested.
Woman superior isn't always going to be the answer to size issue problems, if that truly is what you two have. Regarding to him slipping out while you're on top, remember that that position, for most of us couples anyway, is best when you grind him into you. Thrusting is fun, but its NOT going to help possible size issues either.
Have you tried straddling him while he's sitting on a chair? Have you tried the variations of doggy style as pointed out in a few of the links that were previously provided? There's all kinds of fun ideas, so I hope you're remembering those options as well.
If you are basing a future with someone on how compatible/happy/satisfied you'll be, then its your choice to move on or not. If you were basing this relationship simply on how great of a guy he is and viewed sex with him as an "extra" bonus, even if not perfect, then you're in good company with quite a few couples out there too.
The Mrs. & I go through our phases of consecutive weeks of being enraptured, and then we have our other weeks of wondering what we did wrong and will it ever be better. We know what its like. Your choice though, no right or wrong.
C H A R A C T E R
You just started having sex. You have a long way to go before you know how your body responds to certain stimuli. And even then, it may not do today, what it did yesterday.
It seems that you're doing what I used to do--overthinking. "What if he cums before me?" Why can't I feel anything?" "Where's my spot?" "What if I can't cum?" "What if he slips out, will I embarrass him; or worse embarrass myself." The worse thing you can do is "think" about what's possibly happening rather than just "concentrate"(feel) on what IS happening. Enjoy sex for what it is. Stop and listen to the commands your body is screaming at you rather than listening for those that aren't even present.
I didn't fully enjoy intercourse no matter what the size of my partner until I relaxed and learned how to. Of course, I went through all of the motions, I just didn't "feel" very much. The best way to enjoy sex, is to NOT have any expectations about "What's suppose to happen and what you're suppose to feel." Everyone is different and every session is different; even if you duplicate the exact same motions. It's like I always say about coffee. Same coffee, same amount of water, same pot....different coffee every time. I really wish that I could make a consistent pot of coffee. ;-) So just stick with what works(feels good) and you'll be just fine. Most women(even those who can orgasm without clitoral), not only require, but enjoy clitoral stimulation during intercourse. So make sure you're stimulating yours. If anything is going to happen, it's going to happen all by itself. Probably when you least expect it. I still don't know when I can and can't do something sexually. Sex is just not that predictable. I work with what comes(pun intended). ;-)
Stop "goaling" for perfection....because sex is far from it. Even the most experienced two people who have been having sex with each other for years can't MAKE things happen. You have to allow sex to happen TO you. And as long as you're worrying about what should happen, and what didn't happen, and why this and why that, you'll totally miss out. ;-) So stop being your and his own worst enemy.
With that said, would I leave a man because of the size of his penis? Nope. As long as he's a caring lover who tries to please me, I wouldn't care. It wouldn't be an issue because I feel that a man is not his penis, just as I am not my vagina. Sex for me consists of much more than just intercourse.
His size is not the issue. Intercourse is not the end all/be all, but being intimate with someone you care deeply about is. Stop thinking about his parts, and start thinking about his part in all of this. He's a wonderful man who deserves to be treated as such; he's not his penis. He's a man who loves you and wants to please you despite his size. Let him.
P.S. Sorry if I was redundant. (blush)(blush)
Edited 6/20/2005 9:00 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
As for me being happy with him, yes I am. It is just that now I am sexually active I desire it often and very much desire to experiment. As someone mentioned...some women like to feel the fullness, I would like to experience that. Obviously I can not with him, but I can wait. If things don't work out with us then I can experience that with someone else. But for now, I will keep making the best of it. I don't necessarily HAVE to experience an orgasm and I haven't yet with him to enjoy the intimate connection and intensity that we share while having sex. Clarification: I have experienced an orgasm with clitoral stimulation(vibrator) and love it! I just have an urge to experience one with intercourse and with him! He tries to please me, but I have noticed since I began taking BC, it takes me a LONG time to orgasm. Any comment on that? I don't want him to work too hard at trying to please me, I just enjoy being with him. I assume I am normal. lol!
Oh and the ontop position, I wasn't quite clear I was just suppose to grind. I guess I was trying to take the thrusting responsibility. Now I know.
Pulling your legs up higher shortens the vagina...so his penis may feel longer to you in any position where you're able to do that.
And yes, grind your clitoris directly on his pubic bone or the shaft of his erection when you're on top. It may help you to orgasm more quickly.
I hate to say it and someone will surely scorn me for this.. however... size does matter! My first was small and I had the same issues and it does get old after awhile... and even later in life I tried again with another man that was less then fortunate and the same thing happened.. it just could not do it for me.
Do what you have to do for you.. if you love him enough to get past it and find other ways.. be honest with him and start to experiment together. If not, go out and move on.. there is someone out there that "fits" you better and there is someone for him too.
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