Do you put sex on a pedestal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Do you put sex on a pedestal?
7
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 3:40pm

How do you value sex?
Did/Do you feel you had/have to lose your virginity for someone special (someone you are in love with)?
And, is sex an essential part of a relationship, or a bonus?

All opinions are welcome :)

-Mimmi
p.s. Do you think society's views and opinions affect your decision?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 4:00pm

I did not feel I had to loose my virginity to someone I was in love with, just with


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 4:38pm

I guess back before I ever had sex, I had thought it would be like some kind of fairy tale or something. I wanted to be in love and have the guy love me back. I was 15 and had sex with the first boy who ever liked me. I was very insecure and looking for attention. He dumped me shortly after, so I was crushed.

I met another guy a few months later when I was 16 and barely knew him and had sex with him a few times. He was also much older than me, and using me, but at the time I didn't care because I just wanted the attention. It was sad, but true. I have learned a lot since then.

Shortly after all that I met my DH. We were juniors in high school. He was a virgin and I am the only person he's ever had sex with.

If I could turn back time I would not have had sex with those other guys. I have never thought that you should wait till you're married or that you have to love the person, but for me personally, I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone if I didn't see it going anywhere (if I were single I mean)

IMO, sex is a very important part of a relationship. I don't think it's just a bonus. I can't imagine being in a sexless or loveless marriage.

For me, society has nothing to do with my opinions on sex, or anything for that matter. I just feel how I feel. I don't think that people who have lots of sexual partners without any kind of commitment are bad people, it's just not something I would do. I do consider sex to be a special thing, and it is totally different when you both love each other.

We have a friend who was a virgin until he was 25. A lot of people would think that is weird, but I totally respected it. He found someone special before he did it, and I think that's great.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 11:04pm

Yes, I put sex on a pedestal.

I waited until I was married to have sexual intercourse.

I guess I see sex as a "bonus" rather than an essential part of a relationship.

Society did have an impact on my view of sex, but my view is different from that of society. I feel that the media's portrayal of sex is entirely too permiscuous and entirely too easy. Sex is not always as perfect or glamorous as it appears in movies. There are a lot of realities/issues not dealt with realistically in the media. On the other hand, I believe it was "The Cosby Show" that first convinced me to wait for marriage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 12:08am

Sex on a pedestal? Huh? Sex is an integral part of life, just like food, sleep, etc. I don't put food on a pedestal...so why should sex be there?

I never felt I had to give up my virginity for someone else. I did it because I wanted to...not because someone else wanted me to. Even though it was my choice, I eventually regretted it, because it changes things...and makes you overlook other things that shouldn't be overlooked.

Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but there are a LOT of parts to a relationship......and sex is just one of them. A bonus? No, a part of your life with your partner. I've heard it said that sex is 10% of a relationship, but if you're not getting it.....then it becomes 90%.

I'm an adult, and I make my own decisions......no matter what "society" thinks. If I'm wrong, I pay the piper, not "society".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 2:32pm
My ideas of sex have changed as I got older.. As a young man, it was about experimentation, and variety.However, Sex started to have the same meaning to me as masturbation... I didnt like that. When I reserved sex to relationships, only then did I see how special sex could be within a loving relationship. I hate to use "Sex and the City" as an example, but in one scene Carrie wanted to bed Big , but he refused.. She asked him if he had ever been in love and he answered "absof..inglutly. What he meant was, he wanted to with a special person.. not just a one nighter...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 8:14am

I believe that loosing virginity should be with a special person, who loves you and cares about you. Those moments we should remember as beautiful ones.
For me sex is just for procreation, and it should be as, if I understand correctly, essential part of relationship, but as a way to get kids, nothing else. If there is enjoy in sex between two of you, that is even better, but if don't it doesn't matter. The love and understanding between two people are important. If he loves you, he will try to please you, even he can't do everything, he'll do better what he can.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 11:09am

I think sex is very important but it's not THE most important part of a relationship.

I chose to wait until I was in love with my 1st partner. But many people don't.

Sex essential? No, but I believe physical intimacy, in some form, is very important to a good relationship. However, many, because of disability, etc., are nonsexual yet still enjoy very satisfying relationships.

I'm sure society's views/opinions may have affected me, to some degree, via friends & family, etc. when I was growing up, but not now.




Edited 5/30/2006 6:07 pm ET by katmandoo2001