Do you talk about sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Do you talk about sex?
10
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 3:55pm
I was involved in a discussion on another board about discussing the ups and downs and ins and outs of relationship with others,like friends and co-workers. The consensus on that board was that discussing anything more than “he gave me flowers” was inappropriate. The members of that board believe that discussing ones sex life or any other intimate detail of their relationship with anyone other than your partner was a terrible violation of trust, crude, disrespectful,etc. So I wonder if the people on the other board are just a little uptight about sex,so I thought I would present this question here on this board. Do you discuss your relationships with friends? If so, how much do you reveal? Just curious. I discuss my relationships with friends and my friends discuss their relationships with me and I have no problem with the openness. How about you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:44pm

I consider my husband to be the most important person in my life, and I try to always honor that fact. I don't discuss personal things or anything that is embarrassing about him to other people. I'll talk about things relating to him, but only positive things that he wouldn't mind if people knew. I have mentioned sexual things to close friends before, but again only positive things that I know he doesn't mind. If I did need to talk about something I was upset about, I'd do it online where things are more anonymous.

I had a different point of view before we got married while I was still casually dating. I didn't care so much about being discreet if it was someone I wasn't committed to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 5:20pm
Our agreement has always been that what happens between us, stays between us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 6:38pm

My partner knows that I have talked to my closest friends about sex and it was in a positive manner.

I would talk to my closest friend about sex to ask their advice if I thought it would help.

Med

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 6:49pm

I see no reason to discuss intimate details of our sex life with others.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 7:21pm
My friends and I discuss sex as a general subject and enjoy it. But intimate details of our personal sex lives is off limits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 7:29pm
I talk to my friends about sex. With my sisters I may get into details. I have friends confide in me and they know that they can trust me. My motto is its nobodys business but your own and people Know that about me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 7:31pm
Well my wife has a lover & she gives itimate details of her love life both with him, but also with me to her GF's. I at first was embaressed by this but am use to it by now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 2:25am
well for starters, i think its only a violation of trust or a bad thing if the person your with tells you that he/she does not want you to discuss you "sex realtionship". but anyway, i have talked about my sex life with friends but only my colsest ones (obviously). ill say things like the how longs, what postions we do or i like or dont, oral and such. but i wont tell/say things like what we say or what we look like. things like that. so with that being said, no, i dont think that its a bad thing or a violation or trust or anything like that at all, unless said so by the one your with. however, if that does happen, where your partner says that he/she doesnt want your sex life talked about, then what i might do is say " i was with a person who did this or he only lasted that long, etc"...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 10:34am

What I do in my bedroom is no one's business but mine, and my partner's. That includes telling a current partner what I did with a previous partner. And, I'm not uptight about sex at all. It has to do with privacy and propriety. I might discuss my partner's health, but I would never disclose that he has and erection problem, or that he needs viagra.....any more than I would tell them that I don't have orgasms, or don't lubricate well. That is personal and private between two people.

I might discuss it on an anonymous forum such as these message boards, but NEVER with friends. They don't want to know what I do anymore than I want to know what they do.

Sex in "general" is a different thing. "Have you ever heard of....." or do you know what this is......sure. Why not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 4:42pm

It's, perhaps, a little different for me being a guy. I certainly don't talk about sex with co-workers and I can't say I discuss it much with friends either. If it is discussed with male friends then it's in very vague terms and is probably limited to indicating that everything is good. No details.

I know that my partner discusses some things with her closest female friend. For example, she mentioned that her best friend's new b/f wanted to get her a vibrator for use while he was away - we'd gotten one recently and had a catalogue sitting in the bedside drawer so she gave the friend that. I guess it was only mentioned to me in case I was wondering why she was putting a sex toy catalogue into her bag. I know that they've discussed lingerie in some detail and what their b/f's have purchased them and b/f's reactions to the latest sexy piece of nothingness. Other than that, I don't know what they talk about. I don't think that they swap nitty gritty intimate details like performance issues and penis size etc. but it wouldn't surprise me. I'd prefer not to know if they do that :-) I guess that I'm OK with it if it's just kept between them. I seem to get the impression that my partner's best friend although very outgoing and attractive is somewhat unexpectedly naieve in the bedroom and my partner helps her out a bit with tips and tricks and ideas. I guess that I'm more relaxed about it because I'm fine with posting about the same sort of thing here on these boards.

If you throw alcohol into the mix and the late wee hours of the morning with a small intimate group of a couple of friends then the rules change. I've been known to swap explicit ideas and talk about specific preferences while winding down and cushioned after a good night out. I wouldn't say that it was specific details about what I did with a partner, but it was certainly preferences and thoughts about certain things.