Does Everyone Have to Have Oral Sex?
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| Sun, 06-18-2006 - 9:38am |
Ever since I started browsing through the i-village sex and love sections, I keep reading/hearing about how important oral sex is. This is an unpleasant surprise.
My 15+ year marriage ended a bit over a year ago for reasons that had nothing to do with sex. Almost until the end we had a satisfying sex life that did not include oral sex. I do not regard oral sex as necessary to a close and intimate relationship and I am worried that I am now entered in a dating world that "requires" oral sex. Can anyone reassure me?
By oral sex I mean mouth to genital stimulation that leads to orgasm. I'm okay with mouthing/licking of the genitals as part of foreplay-- a brief, tintillating, sensual experience that gets one aroused for more. What I dislike is to spend a long time (or to have my partner spend a long time) with the mouth on the genitals. I don't really like semen in my mouth either, but that is secondary. I just don't find oral sex fun.
I guess I have always felt "disconnected" from my partner during oral sex and I think it is because you can't really see the whole person or talk/murmur sweet nothings, really do anything but pay attention to the genitals when you are serious about bringing someone to orgasm through oral sex. While with intercourse or manual stimulation, you can be face to face, looking a each other's expressions, looking at the whole body, caressing the whole person with your hands and eyes, talking a little...
Am I alone in this?

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You see, (I agree with Kat) you have to be careful about "reverse judgement." On the one hand you agreed with the OP and said that you felt "put down" for "not" being into oral, and then you go and "put down" those who do (and those who do other things as well). "Do unto others..."
I happen to agree with the OP and a lot of what you are saying. Not because I am not open minded, nor do I experiment (I've done just about everything), but mostly because it boggles my mind how people say that they get "bored" with the same thing. For the most part, sex is pretty simple. There isn't a whole lot that you can do. tee hee And the other thing is, sometimes it just feels good doing it a certain way. Why wouldn't you do it THAT way all of the time, if it feels good? How could that get boring? If you've tried everything else, and you happen to settle on two or three favorite intercourse positions that feel incredible...."to you both" then who is anyone to "judge" you as being a boring, conservative, lack-luster, unadventurous lover? And the same goes for the converse...who is anyone to judge those who swing from the ceilings? Live and let live! I happen to be one of those who does not. ;-) I must have ADD or something when it comes to sex, because too many lights and frills gets me confused. I like what I like, and so does my husband.
We're all so different. Think about it. How VAST the variables are within each and every one of us? How can there be any "best" or "better" way? It's impossible. We all have to accept that "It's all good."
I think that "natural" is whatever it is for each and every individual. We are all works of art. Think about the amount of waking hours that each of us have lived and experienced. Every thought and perception of life affects who we are and what eventually becomes "natural" to us. The odds of it being the same for any two people is pretty much hit and miss.
Whose to say that oral sex isn't natural? I do know that when a female is in heat a male dog will sniff it out and lick her and then mount her, no? Aren't one of our closest relatives the Bonobos (98% genetic profile)? Aren't they like sex fiends who have all types of sex (gay, lesbian, hetero) and engage in oral sex as well (not sure about anal)?
I couldn't say whether or not it was natural for me (oral sex) because I had sex at a very young age, but it's something that I know that I would miss terribly. It's a great part of my arousal (not even so much receiving, but giving). In fact, it's probably the most arousing sexual act for me (I almost always fantasize about performing oral ). It's as natural to me, as drinking water when I'm thirsty.
No one way is "better" than the other. What gives pleasure to person A, may not give it to person B. We're all different....it's that simple.
Edited 6/23/2006 6:17 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
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