Does he want me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Does he want me?
10
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:30pm

Ok here is the thing, my b/f brother has been acting weird towards me eva since my b/f & I got together, before he just used to smile at me and I would catch him looking at me and he would quickly look away but now it has escalated, he is finding every opportunity to be in the room at the same time as me and when we are together he mfinds an excuse to rub against me, he has started jokingly hitting me and although he is a very, very good looking man he is married and I love his brother, but the worst thing is that he runs hot and cold, first he is all flirty with me and the next he doesn't even look at me or talk to me, on one occation he even walked out of the room!

Help me please?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:42pm

Well, maybe you're misinterpreting what you're seeing, too. He may just be concerned about his brother and trying to get a "read" on your intentions. He may just be interested in seeing how you respond to your BF's BROTHER flirting with you! But unless you're attracted to him, too, then whether he's "hot and cold" shouldn't mean anything to you.

He's a married man and you're with his brother, so what and how he thinks of you is irrelevant. It's your BF that should be your concern.

People play flirty games all the time with no real intent at all. Just ignore him and remember, blood is thicker than water and brother's DO talk.




Edited 2/10/2005 6:51 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:18pm

Short and sweet, I just think its a bad idea being around him that much if you truly feel that he is focusing that much attention on you, seeing that he's married.

Try to find ways to avoid being around him without drawing attention to it, that way you keep the peace and avoid future problems more easily. Just my quick two cents.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:02am

Please help you do what? It sounds to me like you're enjoying the attention...you think he's good looking, you feel he's running hot and cold, you allow him to rub against you. If you didn't want the attention, you'd make sure to stay away from him.

If you enjoy the relationship you have with your b/f, I would say you should stay away from his brother, and the next time he touches you, tell HIM to stay away from you. If that doesn't stop him, then tell your b/f what he's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 6:51am
I don't intentionally let him rub against me at all, and I have been trying to avoid him as much as possible but whenever I turn around he is there, what do you want me to say? Look can you stop rubbing against me it is making me uncomfortable? Not likley this would really start a war. And although I find him attractive I don't think of him in a sexual way and NO I am not enjoying the attention, in fact I am worried becaue I love his brother so much(my fiancee) and really respect his wife, who is like a best friend, so I don't want anything to happen, mt fiancee knows that his bro flirts with me because we have a joke about it, but when push comes to shove I think his brother, if left alone with me, would try something, and I needed advice on how to break it to him gently that it is making me uncomfrtable and that I am not interested, without hurting his feelings and getting the rest of the family involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 8:05am
You don't have to break anything to him *gently*.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:27am
Okay, if your BF knows about his brother's behavior, then why hasn't HE said anything to him about it? HE should be the one to put a stop to it, not you. Or even better, he should say something to his sister-in-law!


Edited 2/11/2005 11:29 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:18pm
John, my fiancee, seems to take life and everything that goes with it as a joke, he thinks that it is funny when his brother comes on to me, I have told him that it makes me un-comfortable but he just thinks I am taking it too much to heart, he says that he trusts me to do the right thing, which is nice, in a way but not what I want from him, I don't want to cause upset to ANYONE and to be honest I really don't know if I would 'do the right thing' if his brother tried to seduce me, I am just really confused right now you know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 1:37pm


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 2:32pm
IF you're confused about all this, and your BF is being THIS dismissive about something that bothers you, then you two need to have a LONG talk before getting married!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:52pm

>>he thinks that it is funny when his brother comes on to me<<
OK, although slightly unusual that's fine. But does he know how strongly his brother comes on to you? Is aware that it is considerably more than just a bit of "harmless" flirting?

>>he says that he trusts me to do the right thing<<
Have you told him that you ARE doing the right thing but that his brother is definitely not doing the right thing? Have you told him that you feel very uncomfortable and really don't like what his brother is doing?

>>I don't want to cause upset to ANYONE<<
You don't have to upset ANYONE. Next time that this brother rubs against you, just turn to him and clearly say with a smile "Look, I'm flattered that you feel that you need to keep rubbing against me, but I really don't like and frankly it makes me feel gross when you do it. Please stop it." Smile again, and walk away. See, nothing offensive about that. If the brother gets upset about that then he is totally out of line and it's not your fault that he is out-of-line. You're not responsible for his reactions to your polite request.

If that doesn't work, then start to get more assertive and blunt.

>>I really don't know if I would 'do the right thing' if his brother tried to seduce me<<
What do you mean? Do you mean that you might end up having sex with this brother if he tried to seduce you? That's exactly the opposite of what you've just told us. If you think that theres a chance that you might find this brother attractive and end up having sex with him then I suggest that you really think hard about what's going on here, and with you, and with what unconcious signals you might be giving the brother.