Does this make ANY sense???
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| Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:24pm |
Now- i'm in a new relationship, we've been together almost 6 months. this is hands down the best relationship i've ever been in. we're both grown up- mature- settled in what we want from the world, been bruised by love once or twice so we really know how to approach this, treat each other etc. i REALLY feel like i've finally met a GREAT match for me.
in the bedroom- well let's just say it's the best sex i've ever had. everything this man does is absolutely amazing. the lines of communication are very open and i just feel wonderful about him, around him...it's all good.
however- he's just told me that he might have to take a job pretty far away...like 15 hours away....and i was completely FLOORED. despite obvious reasons, i think this job is a bad idea for him (and i have NOT told him that since he's not at a decision making stage yet, just trying to be supportive while he works it all out)....
so in me processing the possibility that this wonderful person may in coming months find himself way too far away from me- i have come to realize how totally strong my feelings are for him. i hadn't sat back to 'take stock' really of my feelings for him until this. and the idea that i'm actually falling in love with someone- something i haven't done in years- combined with the fact that it might all go away has really knocked me on my a**. i was SO depressed a couple of days ago...i kept crying!
BUT at the same time- when i'm with him, it seems like things are better than ever, like we're suddenly closer than we were before. suddenly things are a little more tender, i feel so calm around him...and both last night and friday morning, i was the CLOSEST i'd been to an orgasm from IC than i've been since i met him!
so...ok, sure realizing that i'm really falling for this man would of COURSE make sense as to why suddenly this surge in my sexual response, but part of me feels like i'm hiding some feelings from him while he's trying to make this decision and part of me is really depressed about him maybe moving....it just doesn't make sense!?!?
thoughts????


Not having an orgasm from intercourse alone is VERY common. Someone recently threw in a statistic during a discussion here that said that 80% of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. That means that you should extend the foreplay, provide yourself with clitoral stimulation during intercourse and enjoy that oral sex! The guy that you are with is not responsible for your orgasms. He can help you get there, but you're the one that has to get there. It really has nothing to do with your feelings for him and about him moving away either.
He's moving away. Of course you feel like you're hiding something from him: You think that you're in love with him and you don't want to tell him because you don't feel that you have the right to ask him to stay. You're going to have to pretend that you're in a movie now. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you love him. Tell him that you want to be with him and want to give the relationship a chance.
He may not feel the same way, but this is a risk that you have to take. Either he goes with you, or without you, or he stays to be with you. Still his choice. At least he will know how you feel. What if he thinks that you are happy for him to go? If you don't tell him how you feel he'll think that you don't care and he WILL go.
Which leads right into your other problem.....you're highly emotional right now, and that's what will lead to an orgasm from intercourse.
Why can't you tell him how you feel about him going so far away from you? If you've been together 6 months, I'm sure he has some feelings for you, too. But you said he might "have" to take this job.....so maybe he has no choice. If he does have a choice, then maybe the realization that he'd be leaving a good relationship might change his thinking on the subject.
I know you're holding back because you don't want to influence his decision, but if this relationship is as good as you say it is, and you think it is, then he needs to know how you feel. People have survived long distance relationships, too. There are lots of things for you two to talk about.....and you SHOULD talk, and be honest about your feelings. He's going to do whatever he has to do, but your input might have some bearing on his final decision.
i of course know that most women don't orgasm from IC alone...of course! i've ALWAYS been one of these women! i was just thinking it was strange that in a point of such crossroads/confusion i would suddenly be having IC that would get me very close to orgasm which doesn't usually happen!
but GTB, i think you hit the nail on the head- i AM in state of heightened emotion right now...perhaps allowing myself to feel all these feelings rather than just 'going with things' as one does in early stages of relationships has brought my body even more into the sexual experiences he and i have...
and i DO know that long distance can work...but i think even successful LDR people will tell you they'd prefer to be geographically together...so i'm still keeping my fingers crossed that the far-away job falls off the proverbial table here and something closer comes up.
however i'm kind of feeling that knowing what i DO know about how i am feeling here, i do need to tell him...it's just SO DAMN SCARY! i gotta say- this is the part of relationships i reallllly am terrible at! i'm SO scared of being vulnerable, putting myself out there, telling him how i feel- then having him/it all go away! UGH....
Why are you assuming it will all go away? There's only a 50/50 chance of that happening. It MIGHT go the other way. Maybe he's thinking the same way you are, but if you're "holding back".....he's going to think he might as well just go, because you don't care enough to make him want to stay!
AND, of course, if it does all go away, then you can just accept that it would have eventually anyway, better sooner than later!
Good Luck!