Does sex define who you are?
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Does sex define who you are?
| Wed, 09-22-2004 - 9:20am |
Does sex, define who you are as a person? Let's for a minute pretend that there are not any STD's(wishful thinking) so as not to cloud the issue. In another post someone mentioned that nice-guys are not whores. I personally don't ever ask a person about their sexual history, or really care to know for that matter. It's not a criteria that I judge a person's character by. If you're a great person, I'd never know if you were a whore or not. Do you ask and thereafter judge someone based on their sexual past?

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**Life,I think "recent" sexual history is important to some people. Honestly, if you met a guy, and you liked him, and his friend told you... or maybe it just came up in conversation that he had been with 30 women in the past year, Would that be a red flag in your opinion ?
Well, that's what I assumed because growing up, guys didn't hide the fact that they wanted, like, and pursued sex. Whether it was true or not that was the way I grew up. I just assumed that any guy I could date had lots of women. Maybe I became indifferent because I was conditioned that way.
***It would be a red flag in mine. Why you might ask? In many people, patterns of behavior are an insight to whats really going on in a persons mind. Does his (her) ego need to be stroked that much!? How insecure is this person?
Well, I think that you could find out those things without knowing their sexual history. Those are very hard characteristics to hide, and they usually show up fairly early on, especially the ego stroking. ;-)
***Is this person so used to having sex with a large variety of people that they just might have a problem adjusting to only one sex partner. (will he (she) be more prone to be a cheater because they put such little importance in the value of sex?)
Now this I'm going to have to research(hopefully there's some info). I don't think I agree, because first of all sex within a loving relationship is very different than casual sex. There's little comparison between the two, and I believe that they are two different entities in and of themselves(I tried, it but I didn't like it). I really don't think that the amount of sexual partners you had prior to getting married makes a difference. People cheat for so many reasons. If the relationship is rock solid, nobody will cheat.
***Im thinking that college cant really count in this equation..it isnt real life..lol What happens in college stays in college.
To have the urge to have sex with many partners is what makes us male..To keep our sex exclusively for the person who loves us with all their heart is what makes us a man...
You see, that's where you're wrong. Women have very strong sexual urges too, that makes us women, and when we fall in love, we're still women.
Edited 9/22/2004 6:16 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream
I`ll disagree with you when you said "If the relationship is rock solid, nobody will cheat
" That is just not true. Our society has cheapened sex to the point where "some" ,not all people have the attitude that it is "JUST SEX" I have seen both men and women who dearly loved their spouses, would never leave them, have sex outside their marriage because it is "JUST SEX". Where did they get the attitude that sex is nothing more than a handshake with an orgasm??...you guessed it..lots and lots of casual sex before they found "the one".They became immune to what the true meaning of sexual relations between a woman and a man was supposed to be.
I will totally agree with you on the point that love "can" make all the difference.Some people who were promiscucs, understand the difference and remain loyal to their mates...But face it, the divorce rate is over 50% now. ..I agree people cheat for many reasons..but if they regarded sex as someting very very special as it was intended to be, they would find "other" avenues to feed their egos, feed their self seteem,or connect emotionally with someone else.
i agree with the person who said you can tell a lot by the number of partners a person has had, not so much to judge them but to get a better understanding of where they are coming from.
as for me, i wouldn't say it defines me, but sexual expression has played an important part in my self-actualization. i would have a considerably different identity if i was to erase my sexual experience.
Immoral, impersonal, irresponsible sexual habbits, do tend to give a clue as to the type of person you are dealing with. They may be sucessful in other avenues of life, but as a social animal, there is a little to be desired... To each their own.
i must say, however, that i do have a range i am comfortable with and that would be between 5-40 partners. not saying i would rule out someone that had less or someone that had more, but i'd have some preconceptions they'd have to get past.
I'll stand on my contention that if a relationship is rock solid, no one will WANT to cheat and just because a person had "just sex" with others prior to the union, doesn't mean that they'll cheat or even want to cheat. I see no correlation.
Edited 9/23/2004 10:33 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream
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