doing "it" in his sleep

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
doing "it" in his sleep
5
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 11:15am

Yep, you read it right! Thing is... it's only my 3rd night sharing a bed with this man, moved in on Sunday and at 4am this morning I was awaken to his "movement". I kinda elbowed him (I was actually half asleep but I knew what was going on). He stopped, removed his hand, turned over and pulled the covers up - all MID-SNORE! I really believe he was asleep and doesn't even know this morning what happened.

I am aware my SO does this in private, I've been known to as well. I have a problem with the fact that he use to do it to porn and with my moving in - I believe that has and will cease to be used. The other problem is our sex life is not up to par right now... actually it's rather nonexistent - my doing and 90% a direct reflection of disliking his personal activities (use of porn). I really do NOT think my SO is abnormal. I think ALL guys do it and I really didn't have a problem knowing he'd still probably be doing it when I was not around.

Initially my thoughts were, OMG, he is so use to, and addicted to, doing this that he can do it in his sleep! EWWWWWWWW But that really upsets me that I would put some icky stigma on my SO as he is NOT a creepy, gross guy! So then I start putting it on myself... "well if you were giving it to him, like a NORMAL couple, he wouldn't have to be doing it". But then I think about getting it on with him and this image will be in my head... waking up to him doing it in his sleep (all while lightly snoring!).

Our relationship is a VERY confusing one - I'm sure some will be compelled to reply with "you don't have a sexual relationship with him but you moved in with him?" I know! See, we've been "together" (on and off) for 9 years. We know we love each other and would really like for things to work. But we both have a couple of relationship-deficits that we aren't sure we can completely overcome - but if it's possible - we want to and we want to together! I probably need therapy for my sexual issues (and no i've never been sexually abused) because I was able to have fabulous sex during a stint away from SO a couple years ago (I didn't cheat - we were separated).

So... I know this post is intense - sorry! But please anyone who can offer advice, support, guidance - I'd GREATLY appreciate it! I laid there for 2 hours till my alarm went off - so confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 12:46pm

I think you're making a


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 2:18pm

"This sounds like YOUR problem, not his."

awww that was nice! I wasn't making a big deal out of it - or I would have said something to him or made a big deal out of it to him... hence why I thought I could come to Ivillage and find some useful, good advice and comfort. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 2:24pm
I responded to this on the other board you put it on. But my response is much like Tish's.
Sorry, but your post made it sound like you were making a big deal out of it.
I mean no offense, that's just the way I read it also.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 2:44pm

You are right that most people DO masturbate, but no, not all guys use porn. Many men don't. My DH never has. It IS a choice. But if your guy's porn use is causing him to neglect your needs, it NEEDS to be discussed.

Unless you two talk about all these issues between you, they will erode your feelings over time. If necessary, get some couples counseling to help you do that and to learn to communicate more effectively. It will be up to you individually to deal with your own personal sexual issues though.

My question is if you've always known about his porn use, then why does it bother you NOW? People will continue to masturbate in a relationship or out.




Edited 5/31/2006 2:48 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 4:07pm

You're saying you aren't making a big deal about it yet you say you put a icky stigma on him and when you think of getting it on with him, that image will be in your head of waking up and him masturbating in his sleep.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd