Dominate ME!.. No,.. dominate, ME!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Dominate ME!.. No,.. dominate, ME!!!
1
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 2:36am

My husband and I, married under ten years now seem to be growing strangely apart sexually, and it has me so concerned.
He makes comments about finding older women 'hot' *which I realize IS normal ;) , and has shared fantasies about being dominated, etc., which I find a total turn off..
Over the past couple of years I have developed an intense attraction to older men.
I find myself fantasizing about an older, more confident partner that will take control.

Its absolutely agonizing to see this drifting apart we're going through. No way am I blaming him, because I seem to be wanting the same thing!
I find his interest in being dominated such a turn off, and he probably feels the same way about my desire as well.

I do take control every now and then, not spanking or tying him up, but I will get rough and assertive with him, for instance just last evening I did so, stripping down to a garter belt, thong, thigh highs and heels... Then pinning his arms down while I teased his body with my tongue and lips, and then gave him a nice, long tantalizing blow job. While he of course seemed to enjoy it, he still did make a remark today about wanting to have an older woman, and his general sexual position is just alway so passive and submissive.

I am growing frustrated with feeling inadequate (young, pretty blonde just doesn't measure up age wise), and on the other hand, I am not that attracted to him because of my similar desire to be with someone more assertive, older, etc. I have NOT shared this with him, as I'm afraid it will shatter his ego. I'd feel terrible telling him that he's 'just not manly enough'.

Can anyone lend some advice?
Thank you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 9:45am
Well the both of you having an attraction for older people is fine, everyone has to have a fantasy. However your age and looks aren't going to change? Are you happy together or is this something that he can't live with out? Don't let it cause a drift. Did you ever think of having a threesome with another women that would fufill his fantasy? I've often thought about trying it my fear is, would it ruin my relationship? You might enjoy that as well. All men would like to see their wives with another women. But maybe it will work for you? Watch porn togther with older women, or maybe go to a stripclub with him. It's funny b/c there are guys who wouldn't be turned on my an older women, they would find you sexy , and I'm sure your husband does find you sexy this is just a fantasy. As far as him being more of a man, do you mean that you want him to take control and tell you what he wants and sometimes just take what he wants? I feel like that too, we can be in the bathroom together naked, kids actually asleep, and I just want him to bend me over without asking or kissing. I would also like it if he said more, he always asks what I want , it turns him on to hear me talk dirty but I would kind of like the same in return. He's totally not rough in anyway I could get into a bit of roughness. So the next time he asks what I want I am going to tell him , we'll see what happens. If you love somebody sex is something that you can work on and work out. Good luck~*~*~*~*~*