Double standards
Find a Conversation
Double standards
| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:46pm |
Because of the responces to this comment about double standards between men and women, I figured I would start a thread on it.
Do you believe a double standard exists about sexuality of men and women?
What do you feel is the cause of this double standard?
Would you find it harder to believe a man or a woman who cried Rape??? (for your benefit Tish. He He)
And last, if your mate complained that you were not doing something that they really enjoyed, how much of your own opinion on it would you bring to the conversation, and would you expect your partner to give up something they really liked because you didn't??
Any other comments/questions are welcome. I don't like the double standards in sexuality but I have no choice but to accept them as they are.

Pages
I can only speak for myself here, but I have never had any of the attitudes you expressed. I have always expected to work and take care of myself and have. I have always had at least a partime job, even when I had babies and took care of them, too. So, essentially, I had TWO jobs to my DH's one. And mine were 24/7.
I think that the sexes ARE different for a reason, and each has physical and mental gifts which should be used for the betterment of everyone. They shouldn't be looked upon as excuses for doing less or dominating more.
Edited 5/24/2004 4:23 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
The average American, as of the last census, is a 36-yr. old white female so the numbers have flipflopped.
Edited 5/24/2004 4:49 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
I don't think women should be allowed in the military especially in the danger zones. Military nurses, yes, fighting, no. Being a woman cop is okay, but I think it really depends on the woman. Some women are just more built and masculine and fit right into that job, others don't.
guy pays the first and/or second date. if the woman offers to split that means she isn't interested. after the first couple dates we alternate paying. i personally feel uncomfortable if the guy pays all the time, especially if i know we make a similar amount of money. if i know they're making a lot more money than i am then i let them pay more often. i think it is fair for the guy to pay initially and slightly more throughout the relationship because women tend to spend more money on their appearance (i.e. clothes and make-up). also, i think the guy should pay on the first date because it is a symbolic gesture which represents being able to take care of the family down the road if the woman must take some time off to take care of the children and they are dependant on his income.
i've also found that most guys prefer to make the first move (physically). they find the "conquest" exciting and it makes them feel more manly -- however, as a female sometimes it gets a bit frustrating if they are nervous and it's date number 3 and they're still mustering up the nerve to kiss you, you just want to say "get on with it already."
in large part the male-female role play is there to make social interaction smoother. of men that were raised with manners, i think they enjoy opening doors for women -- there's a certain social dance in all of it. however, i think it is important for women to show proper respect too -- if i am driving, i almost always open the passenger car door for men or if i am the passenger i reach over and open theirs. i've noticed now even with remote car door openers men with manners still manually unlock my car door or if they unlock it remotely they will still open it for me -- it's just social grace. i think it is something both sexes enjoy.
I was raised in a house where Mom stayed home, dad left for weeks at a time to work. When he came home everything had to be in order. My mother was not the most Home body type person, and so most of the work was left to us kids. (three boys two years average seperation.) Mom cooked, and did some cleaning, but everything else was up to us to get done. Now I am out on my own, with a family of my own, and if I made enough money to support it, I would want my SO to stay home with the kids. Why? I do feel the she is better at child rearing than I am, and she is more driven to get the house work done, etc. I on the other hand, tend to stay in the garage, keeping the trash kept up, and the Dog occupied. I do house work, but mostly when I am looking to be nice to her, for her. I see the dishes piled in the sink, sometimes I just do them. The clothes are half mines, so I can wash them too. Picking up after the kids, keeping them in line. I am the bad guy when it come to my kids, because I am very strict with them. I will not have kids who are disrespectful to there parents, or other adults who are given charge of them. There will be no walking out of class at school because they disagree with something there teacher has told them to do, to a reasonable extent of course. They will not say NO to mommy and Daddy, nor to sisters, or adult gaurdians. We have our situation worked out. But, I am a very chivilrous person. I open doors, pull out seats, Keep cups full, or drinks fresh. I like to pay for everything when we are out, but have had to get used to her paying for things too. That is something I feel is my duty, but since she carries the pocket book, and the funds for our family, I don't have much choice. Although, when we got out to dinner, or movies etc, She will let me get the cash ad pay for everything, since she knows how I feel about it. I don't conform to this whole new world order of things. So what if the average american is now a 36 year old woman. Our country fluctuated back and forth for decades. And still we are here, right where we are now. Nothing outside my front door effects the way my family lives there lives, so I am happy where I am, my SO is mostly happy with where she is, and my kids don't know any different. What is wrong with being traditional?? What is wrong with being "old school"??? What is wrong with being the man of the house hold/woman of the household??? Nothing. It is how we choose to live is it not? I feel it should be this way, and my SO seems to agree.
i do think when the roles are so clear cut it makes things easier in the sense that the man and woman know what their part in the family is. when it is not so clear cut there has to be a lot more negotiation between the partners.
If the rolls are not clearly defined, then there can be issues and problems that arise too. If only society could realize that, I think the world would be a better place to live. But as it stands, no one wants to compromise. The feminist community is up in arms over things that no longer really matter. The issue of equality is pretty much over. The shovenists are in an uproar over the feminist movement. Lets solve everyones problems, and just come to a mutually agreeable definition. LOL yeah right, if only it were that easy. I think this whole issue has been taken to the extreme, and now it needs to swing back. But, That is JUST MY OPINION. LOL
Respect from who? Society? Maybe. I do tend to get people who don't understand why I chose to stay home and raise my children. My husband and I talked about this before having children, and it's what we both wanted. I have always had equal say around here, and he tells me alot how happy he is that I am the one raising our children and not some day care worker. He didn't have anyone at home when he got home from school, his mom was always gone and his Dad lived about an hour away. So he appreciates what we have here, it works for us.
>>personally, i would go nuts if i had to stay home with the kids for an extended period of time. i haven't had kids yet, so haven't had to face it, but i know i am the type that would feel disconnected and depressed by being a stay at home mom.<<
You're not chained to your home 24-7 ;o) My mom or my MIL can baby sit so I can go out with Dh or friends, sometimes my sister and I go out and Dh spends time with the kids. You can also hang out with other moms, the kids can play and you can socialize. Besides, being inside all the time isn't good for your kids either. They need to socialize as well.
Leticia
In terms of my own relationship, I don't expect my boyfriend to pay all of the time or open doors for me all of the time or anything like that. I enjoy and appreciate when he does courteous things for me, but I try and return the favor as well. If one of us is going to fetch a drink from the fridge or something like that, we'll offer to get something for the other person. If he unlocks my door before unlocking his own, I'll reach over and unlock his so he doesn't have to fiddle with his own lock as well. And as for paying, I know he likes paying for me. I usually have to argue a little bit to be allowed to pay. It drove me nuts the last time he was home (he's in the military) because I didn't have much of a leg to stand on when it came to paying because I currently don't have a job (no income means that I don't exactly have excess expendable cash lying around). We try take care of each other and keep things balanced, and that's what works for us. When we do have a home together, I'm sure we'll have to figure out some sort of arrangement for housework getting done and things of that nature that will end up getting balanced out as we see fit.
I do not feel that it's the man's job to support me and take care of me. It drives me nuts knowing that there are women out there who are solely determined to get married and have a man support them. If there are men out there who are okay with that and that's the kind of life they want to, I will concede that that is their choice and they are welcome to choose that life. I think it needs to be something mutually discussed and decided on by a couple though. Just like the decision to be a SAHM should be decided as a couple and not an assumed fact of life.
As for the equal pay issue, I do feel that women and men should get EQUAL pay for EQUAL work. That's where the problem comes in. It's not about women in general not making as much as men, it's women in the same job, doing the same amount of work, and getting paid less for it. If someone isn't pulling their weight with their job, then they shouldn't be paid as much, and if it gets to an extreme point of laziness, then that person should be fired, whether man or woman. If a women cannnot physically do a job, she shouldn't hold that job. In jobs that require a lot of physical strength, women may be at a disadvantage because their body make-up of muscles is different (I remember reading in several places that when looking at overall muscle strength, women are stronger, we just appear weaker because our muscle distribution is different-think about how much muscle strength is needed to push a baby through as very small hole). If, however, a woman is determined and trains enough that she is physically able to do a job, I don't think that she should be penalized because she is a woman. The same thing goes for the military. I'm sure there are a lot of women who shouldn't be on the front lines in a war. I'll readily admit that I'm one of them. There are probably a lot of men who shouldn't be on the front lines either. I'm sure there are male soldiers that have proven themselves to be so untrustworthy that others would rather not be next to them when lives are on the line. Again, if a woman proves she can do the job and do it well, I see no problem with her getting sent to the front lines and fighting for our country.
Individuals should be looked at as individuals, and shouldn't be characterized and categorized because of their sex, color or nationality, or any other stereotype. While nobody is perfect about looking past stereotypes, it's certainly a nice goal to reach for.
Robin
i understand that you have time away from the home/kids. maybe i will think differently if/when i actually have kids, but at this point i anticipate needing more intellectual/professional stimulation than i could get as a stay at home mom. i think the lack of these would have a detrimental effect on my self-identity and confidence, and would therefor be detrimental to my children. again, i am not judging those that choose the stay at home lifestyle, and recognize that there are different benefits to being a stay at home mom vs. a working mom.
Pages