Double standards

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Double standards
44
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:46pm
Because of the responces to this comment about double standards between men and women, I figured I would start a thread on it.

Do you believe a double standard exists about sexuality of men and women?

What do you feel is the cause of this double standard?

Would you find it harder to believe a man or a woman who cried Rape??? (for your benefit Tish. He He)

And last, if your mate complained that you were not doing something that they really enjoyed, how much of your own opinion on it would you bring to the conversation, and would you expect your partner to give up something they really liked because you didn't??

Any other comments/questions are welcome. I don't like the double standards in sexuality but I have no choice but to accept them as they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 2:51pm
The israeli governemt tried putting women on the front line. It caused more deaths than it prevented, and the added stress on the men in that army, was enough to make them go crazy. There is a huge difference between pulling a man across a field with his legs dangling behind, and looking at a woman who is dying. HUGE. The trama that occurs is due to our society. Men and women have always been seperated, and now that everything is becoming so unisex, our society is not ready for the damage that does to it. I have seen women die, and I have seen men die, and I can tell you first hand, that it is different in the way we react to it. I would not be the same after seeing a woman die in combat, as I would a man falling in combat right next to me. It is an entirely different emotion that runs through you. Men have been raised, or well, at least I have, and I think men in genereal, to protect women, care for them, comfort them, and hold them with a higher regard than we do men. When something tramatic happens, the first thing we do as a society is check on the females, and the men suck it up ad keep pushing. Not to say that women don't do the same thing, it is just different. Yes, there are a lot of men out there who should not in anyway be oin the front lines. Homosexuality is still a NO NO in the military, even though they are fighting that issue as we speak. It is the emotional make up of the person in question, more than it is the sex of the person, but in general, men are cut out for combat, where as women, I am sorry to say this, but I feel they are not, in general. They will do without question what they need to do to survive, but at the same time, it affects them differently, and they will react differently. I don't want someone who I feel is going to freeze up when the stuff hits the perverbial fan watching my back on the battlefield. I want someone I can trust to keep those rounds headed downrange, and my back covered, as well as I am watching his. As I said before, in my experience, I have only met one women I would want at my back, where as I would willing accept almost any male, strictly for pschological make up, and emotional. The aspect of shell shock has been scientifically proven to affect women almost double that of men. Women don't need to experience shell shock, niether do men, but men will recover from it, and can lead normal lives faster and quicker than a woman will. It is proven, time and time again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:02pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:41pm
So you feel that only those women who contribute financially deserve respect? Gladly, my DH didn't feel that way when we both decided that I'd stay at home to raise our children.

I worked hard at saving money by constantly repairing, painting, refinishing, the home and buying old furniture, restoring it, and selling it. I would cut coupons, shop for bargains, and prepare inexpensive meals. I'd buy clothing at the thriftshop, not because we couldn't afford newer, but because it seemed practical. My DH was once a haircutter and taught me how to cut hair. I cut everyones hair in my immediate and extended family--and friends' hair too. I left a good career when I decided to stay at home, but I ventured into a new one years ago. I worked prior to having children and paid for half of the house that I live in right now. We sacrificed to pay for it in three years before deciding to have children. I now have my own business, and I don't get anymore respect than when I didn't work from my DH, he always valued me. I may not have earned money, but I sure saved a hellova lot. I'm truly a jack of all trades, and a master of quite a few! tee hee

Also, while I was home, I often took care of my WORKING friend's children for free during the summer and vacations to help them out. Vacations and days off equal almost two months(I actually tallied it up one year) off out of a school year, plus two months off of summer. What exactly was I to do with my children while I was at work, four months out of the year? The thought of leaving them alone all summer long, was not appetizing.

DH and I work as a team to accomplish what we both felt was the most important role in our lives. It paid off, because we're doing quite well now. We even paid for our children's education, own our own home, and have no debts. I still can't shake the coupon cutting, though. ;-) If I had to do it all over again, I still wouldn't have changed a thing. I loved being there for them, no matter what hat I was wearing. My DH and I mutually respect each other for each of our contributions.




Edited 5/25/2004 3:55 pm ET ET by free_to_choose

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:45pm
Disagree. I think women have proven to be much stronger and hardier than ever acknowledged. We are finally getting a Viet Nam Memorial for all the brave women who served over there. Finally.

And you do realize that we already have female fighter pilots, don't you? What about nurses who were just off the front lines, who received those boys who were missing legs, etc.? You don't think that's traumatic?

I think you tend to underestimate the contribution and abilities of women to do the jobs they need to do....even when it's not a "traditional" one. What some of us may lack in upper body strength and size, we more than make up in brain power.

War has changed. It's fought from afar most of the time instead of hand to hand and that means that more and more women will be participating. I think if the woman can do the job, then she should have the opportunity to do it. And if she does it well, she should be congratulated for it.

And sorry, as a parent, seeing a son dying would be just as traumatic as seeing a daughter...there would be absolutely no difference to me.


Edited 5/25/2004 5:49 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:49pm
>>So you feel that only those women who contribute financially deserve respect? Gladly, my DH didn't feel that way when we both decided that I'd stay at home to raise our children.<<

I think you are taking what she says too personally. She said she feels that way about herself, not others. She is afraid that she won't get respect, not that others don't deserve it.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:56pm
We are not talking about children though are we. We are talking about the men and women who are fighting next to you. It has been proven, and data collected. Fighter pilots??? Where do they even corilate to men on the ground, facing a large group across the field who are hell bent on killing them. Yes, women in Vietnam. Do they deserve there own shrine for it??? NO. The vietnam memorial as it is should be enough, but because of the feminist movement, now there is another segregation. Fighter pilots you don';t see die. You see there plain go up in smoke, and if they die in the crash, you still don't see it. There is a huge difference and unless you have been there, you will never realize the awesome power of the human spirit, the ability to block out whatever is going on around you, and focus on putting lead down range to keep your buddies alive. You will never know the trama that occurs to good mommas boys and bullies alike when a woman hits the deck, blood pspouting from an open wound, screaming for her daddy, and all you can do is try your best to protect her. There are no words to discribe the horror. But, if a man falls next to you, you just keep going. He bought the farm, we cannot let them get away with that, but we are not going to kill ourselves to keep a dead man protected. It is an awful thing. WAR. It is horrid, and no one can understand the pain, anguish, and sheer trama that occurs during it. When the fighting is done, the living go through and collect the dead, and everyone morns, but the trama is not as severe when it is just men you are collecting off that field. Nurses on the battle field are men, nurses in the camps are a mixture, men and women. Please believe that there is a difference, as I hope you never have to witness the difference first hand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:59pm
"...meant more respect from their husband, not society."

Notice the word "their" ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 4:01pm
I still think you are reading too much into it.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 4:05pm
Why do you think I care what you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: jeephead
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 4:10pm
I don't think you care, never said you did. Why are you getting snippy? I was simply trying to point out that I think you misunderstood sugar. I was hoping to help avoid a disagreement over a misundstanding. sheesh.

Leticia