Drunk sex nightmare!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Drunk sex nightmare!!!!
3
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 2:12am
Help me ladies!
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. The sex was always great until we started drinking before hand and then it became fantastic. Lately it's been sort of a "ritual" to drink before hand and it's starting to scare me. We havent had sober sex in a good month and I'm worried that once we do we will realize how much better our sex is when we are drunk! I feel when we are drinking I lose all those inhibitions that plague me and hold us back when I am sober. I wish we never started drinking as everything was perfectly good before. How can I transition into having sober sex again? Also, how is it possible to lose those nasty inhibitions that are the main reason I enjoy drinking before sex? Help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 6:28am
You can do it by not drinking.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 8:58am

Any time you HAVE to drink before you can do anything, you have a problem. True, drinking "lowers" your inhibitions...but that's something that you need to work on when you're sober. Whatever it is that you do drunk, that you can't do sober isn't anything awful....and there's no reason you can't do the same thing sober. EVERYONE is somewhat inhibited sexually for a while in a new relationship...that's normal. There's no reason why you can't just "let go" when you're sober....

You're using alcohol as a crutch......which means you're crippled. Throw away the crutch, and you'll be surprised how easy it is to "walk".

Inhibitions are insecurities. Work on your insecurities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:47am

Hi sjp,

Most people have dealt with this issue to some degree or the other. There is a certain amount of patterned behavior involved in this. Initially, we use to alcohol to free ourselves from that little voice inside that says things like: "you're not good enough" or "you should be ashamed...good girls don't do this" or "He'll think I'm really bad if I want this". But if you drink before sex often enough, the alcohol doesn't quite the voice so much as it just becomes a trigger more than an aid. In other words, the liquor has become part of your ritual and it's the fear of the "voice" that is motivating you...when in fact the little prankster has quieted down anyway. Once you realize that the liquor is just an internal excuse to allow your less inhibited side forward, the need for drinks becomes less and less.

Just for fun try this: While completely sober write about a particularly exciting sexual encounter you had with your SO. Really write it in great detail, describing your feelings, the look on his face, describe the sounds that you heard, the scent and the taste. What you will notice is that on a certain level you begin to relive the situation but without the alcohol. You may notice that it's just as intense sober as it was drunk. Do this, and then share what you wrote with your SO. If you can read it out loud that's great, but if not let him read it silently...maybe even in the other room if that's more comfortable.

This can be the beginning of really great sex. Eventually, you can write about fantasies etc. and read them to each other, then find ways to act them out within your own relationship; keeping in mind that many fantasies (3-somes, swapping, etc.) are best kept in the realm of the pretend.

By writing this out, you are retraining yourself to let go of your inhibitions while sober. You are realizing that what made the sex great when drinking, wasn't the liquor, it was that sense of "letting go" of completely trusting that your partner will not judge you and that you in turn will not judge him. Plus, it's just plain fun.

Good luck.
Scott.