duration of intercourse

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
duration of intercourse
59
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:28am

I often read threads about men who orgasm too quickly during intercourse.

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 10:07pm
>>Our sex has always been explosive (short, sharp, powerful) in both the speed he and I reach orgasm and the strength of the orgasms I have.<<

I think that's the key here, and why continuing something that is so powerful and exhausting is not really desirable. You must be aware, however, that every woman is different and many women do not have "explosive (short, sharp, and powerful)" orgasms . This is why so many talk about needing lots of stimulation before intercourse and a reasonable amount of time during intercourse. Also I have heard few women describe their orgasms as "exhausting". My DF certainly is not exhausted, even after a dozen or more , but then hers are not nearly as explosive as yours. I guess you have to adapt your lovemaking to your orgasmic pattern and it sounds like you and your DH have since you both can have quick and powerful orgasms that you don't particularly want to repeat. My DF can orgasm quite quickly, too, but she really enjoys having many orgasms while I'm getting to mine. This is probably why she prefers intercourse so much and why we are so perfectly suited to each other.

taoist

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 10:43pm
I think that is fairly correct. 3-5 minutes to climax. Now, foreplay can go on for much much longer. Maybe that is what you are hearing. My husband likes lots of foreplay and so do I. By the time he enters me, he is ready to climax right then and there, but will hold off so we can both enjoy the intercourse. I think most guys are on average 3-5 minutes unless they are taking viagra or something like that. Sometimes I climax so much during foreplay, that I don't during the intercourse, which is also fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 10:56pm

>>This is why so many talk about needing lots of stimulation before intercourse and a reasonable amount of time during intercourse. <<


Well, I'm always the first one to say "have more foreplay

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:43pm
only my opinion here, but I am this way, so I would guess there are a lot more out there like me, but I think men in genreal are more worried about pleasing there partners than they are about getting off. There are those out there, that could care less about the person they are with, and just want to get off, but the vast majority I would think at least try to make things right for the women, first, and then if they are quick ones, they can get off, and enjoy it, if they take longer, even better, as a woman who is able to orgasm from entercourse will have several more orgasms if done right, before he actually has his. I do everything in my power to give my SO as many Orgasms as I can, at any given point throughout the day. It matters none if it is an oral quickie upstairs after work, or it is last thing before sleep at night in bed, the verdict is the same. As many as I can give her, and the more, the better in my eyes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:26pm
YOU! ;)

(BTW, thanx 4 the welcome back)

I think I'm confused by your question. When you actually note the 'times' it "normally" takes men to endure intercourse until orgasm, are you referring to constant thrusting or no???

Mrs. & I had found ways for me to go longer, believe it or not. When we first started out, it was just a matter of getting to know each other and even ourselves better. We discovered that the is MUCH much much more to our liking than the "normal" thrusting we consistently read about.

Wouldn't something like that make a difference? I say this 'outside' my (every now and then) priapism symptoms of course. So wouldn't the grinding and slowing down and enjoying other parts of sex make a difference as opposed to thrusting from start of intercourse to finish?

I'm not saying this is the case, I'm asking. Make sense? Before I go any further, I think I'd rather hear some thoughts first.

(No I haven't read other posts yet, but hopefully I'll get to before returning to work)

One more thing, I think we men should be asking you 'women' if us being natural isn't good enough anymore, don't you think? LOL!!! More times than not, according to what we've read, even if foreplay was very long and perfect, there are STILL issues with how "little" intercourse lasts...have I read wrong on that?

I'm still learning...no shame. ;}

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:44pm
>>We discovered that the is MUCH much much more to our liking than the "normal" thrusting we consistently read about<<

I think you've hit on something, Para. I've read that the "deep grinding" you're talking about , which I interpret as short, deep thrusts, is much better for the woman because it gives her more opportunity for indirect clitoral stimulation and a better vaginal massage. That kind of thrusting also would probably stimulate the man somewhat less than long, deep strokes and help him last longer. Better all around!

>>One more thing, I think we men should be asking you 'women' if us being natural isn't good enough anymore, don't you think? LOL!!! More times than not, according to what we've read, even if foreplay was very long and perfect, there are STILL issues with how "little" intercourse lasts...have I read wrong on that?

I'm still learning...no shame. ;}<<

Much of what we know about good sex is learned. If we were just "natural" , it would just be caveman in and out til he ejaculates. What is so natural about oral or digital stimulation of a woman's clitoris? Men and have to learn how to do that and how to do it right. What's so natural about a BJ? All that has to be learned. . Why can't they learn to slow down their intercourse in order to more pleasure their woman ( IF that's what she desires, Yasmin)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 11:09pm

>>One more thing, I think we men should be asking you 'women' if us being natural isn't good enough anymore, don't you think? LOL!!! <<


Was I out of place asking this question of behalf of men?

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 11:30pm

>>Much of what we know about good sex is learned. If we were just "natural" , it would just be caveman in and out til he ejaculates. What is so natural about oral or digital stimulation of a woman's clitoris? Men and have to learn how to do that and how to do it right. What's so natural about a BJ? All that has to be learned. . Why can't they learn to slow down their intercourse in order to more pleasure their woman ( IF that's what she desires, Yasmin)? <<


I think some of the comparisons you are making are like putting apples next to oranges.

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:42pm
>>As I said earlier, I've nothing against a man who wants to learn to prolong intercourse. However, I do have an issue with a man who is 'expected' to learn techniques only found in books (as opposed to the simple learning shared by partners). Not all people want to analyse or research sex and I believe that this is perfectly acceptable.

If we say that all men (who's partners want longer sex) should be happy to learn prolonging techniques from text books, then we would have to also say that a caring woman should be happy to learn something difficult (such as learning to hurry up her orgasms/deep throat/anal sex) to please her partner. Yes?

Now, to be perfectly honest, I've very happy not knowing how to deep throat - even though my DH may like me to - and no, I've never asked because I have no intention of learning. If a man accepts a woman as she is, then should she not accept him how he is? Including his limitations.<<

Now, I think you're comparing apples and oranges. Prolonging intercourse makes the man's pleasure last longer,too, and I think many couples have learned to do this through simple sharing by partners. I don't think that compares in any way to anal sex or deep throating.

I don't understand why you are so negative about "techniques from text books". I don't see those as being much different from articles on ivillage or information from other websites. It's all about gaining knowledge. Even message boards like this one are part of that process. I do admit, though, that while the books, articles, and websites tend to have generalized , "theoretical" information from "experts", these message boards fill a very important need by involving people in discussing their personal experiences so we can learn how this works for the average person.

taoist




Edited 5/18/2004 10:44 pm ET ET by taoistnovice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:45am
>>I find a nice, long build-up leading to orgasm ( sometimes to more than one) is much, much better than just getting there as quickly as posible.<<

Oh sure. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that too. I still think that most guys, most of the time will happily orgasm quickly if left to themselves. For example, solo masturbation for guys: The end result is an orgasm. I doubt many guys spend ages building up to the orgasm and just get it done fairly quickly.

Likewise with the intercourse. Foreplay is a bit different. Plenty of guys seem to like that. The orgasm is seen as the goal again though. I think that most guys, most of the time are happy to speed towards the finish line during intercourse. No doubt most guys like to take their time some times and slowly build towards orgasm. I have a feeling thats probably the exception, not the norm.