ED and Diabetes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
ED and Diabetes
7
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:38pm
I have been "seeing" this guy who is 50. I am 25. He has diabetes and claims he suffers from some ED. We have been "talking" or whatever you want to call it for about a year. Some things have happened such as we kissed once (it was amazing), there has been touching but all on his part, but nothing serious. Everytime I talk about or joke about why we aren't sleeping together, he just says it isn't going to happen. He doesn't have good health, little overweight, on oxygen in the evenings, whatever. But like he doesn't even have a sexual arousal towards me and I try not to take it personal but it is hard given our age difference. I basically thought he would be all over me and not the case at all. He won't or doesn't want to get on any meds for it so does that mean it may never happen for us? I want it much more than him, I can't even touch him, we joke about oral but he'd never let me... it frustrates me..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: meriah20
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 11:44pm

If he has diabetes, then it's likely he also has ED. Are you aware that ED means Erectile Dysfunction.....which also means he may "desire" you, but he's NOT going to get an erection! Why would you take that personally? Why would you "joke" about sleeping together, when you know he can't have sex with you? That's very insensitive, and hurtful for him. Do you think he LIKES having this problem?

Why are you with a man twice your age that is in poor health, and cannot have sexual relations with you? I'm sorry he has those problems, and I'm sure you are too, but you need to move on and find someone closer to your own age, and in good health. If you continue with this guy, you'll wind up being his nurse in a few years. If you think you're frustrated NOW, wait a few years.

You need to move this man to a "friend" category, and look for a relationship elsewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
In reply to: meriah20
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 11:49pm
First off, we don't joke like "haha" you can't do it, more like it will never happen and I push the issue sometimes too much. I have backed off and don't discuss it with him anymore though. I understand the issue but I guess a part of me takes it personally. I am in a relationship with him because right now it is more of an affair. I have a boyfriend of 8 years that I am with but we are absolutely miserable. I didn't expect to care so much about this older man, it just sort of happened and I can't shake it now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: meriah20
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 2:24am

You've got yourself in a real mess. You've got a boyfriend that makes you miserable, and you turn to an older man in bad health to have an affair with, except it can only be an emotional affair, because you can't be intimate....and you take his ill health personally?

I think you're looking for a father! Why don't you end the miserable relationship, and try to find some happiness in your life.....instead of being involved with two men, neither of whom is good for you. YOu need to get your act together, unless you just enjoy the misery and drama.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: meriah20
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 8:09am

The man cannot control his ED and you pushing the issue and taking it personally


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
In reply to: meriah20
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 3:24pm
I just wanted to clear something up after reading all the advice, I don't feel as if I pushed this person into the issue. I never knew, when starting the "whatever it is" with him that any of this was an issue. He talked about sex a lot. I thought for sure, by the way he talked, that he does it and there were no issues. It wasn't until months into he shed some light on the situation and prior to that is when I was taking it personally. I care a lot about this person and I know it is something that will never be and I thought the next logically step was having more of a physical relationship. I know that isn't something that will happen and being in this "whatever it is" with him is a bad idea to begin with because of health issues and cheating but I guess I was trying to look past all of it because I cared about him so much. But in being on this board and reading other topics and discussion, I realized I was or am being desperate. I am sure that I am coming off as such as well. I mean he has told me that he isn't interested because of many things, mostly being I have children and that is a whole other mess to get into. I have truly backed things off and controlled myself and the contacting him as I am trying to figure out how to let someone go that I have strong feelings for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
In reply to: meriah20
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:23pm

I can certainly sympathize with you, as I am married to a fifty-two year old man. I am only thirty-seven. My husband has diabetes, high blood pressure, is hugely over weight, and of course he has ED. We have tried everything available on the ED front with no luck.

It sounds like your guy doesn't want sex because he is afraid that his thing "won't work". Believe me that is what is going through his head. When you try and try and it doesn't work you basically give up after a while and don't persue sex anymore.

The best advice I could give you is DON'T stay in this relationship with this man. He is way too old for you and there are problems that you can't solve no matter how hard you try. I know because I have spent some 9 years or more trying - it doesn't work.

I can honestly tell you that there is absolutely nothing going on here. My husband is so much overweight that he can't even have sex - even if it did work. I have really become bitter about this relationship and I long for the love of a man who really wants me and who can have sex. My husband and I do not sleep in the same bed, nor do we share any kind of relationship. We live in the same house and share expenses. I don't want that for anyone else.

I pray that you can see the light and move on with your life. I am sorry if I sound kind of harsh. I just don't want someone else to make the same mistake I did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: meriah20
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:40am
Welcome to the board ?jewey, and thanks for sharing your experience. Did your DH ever seek medical attention for his ED or did he just let the relationship go?


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