ejaculation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
ejaculation
6
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 6:46pm
Well i started my post on here the other day by saying my new boyfriend was a virgin. Well he isnt now. we have had a few sexual encounters in the past few weeks. But there is something wrong. very wrong. I have tried to please him in everyway o know how. i didnt want to overwhelm him with to much sexual teaching at once so we did things very slow. I am not one for fast. We started out the first time with me on top and in controll. it was great. I have never had an orgasim before. talk about a first time for everything. In the 9 years i was married my ex husband never gave me one. I was very impressed. Well i thought things were over. we both got what we wanted and it was over for a while. I was wrong. he was still hard and ready to go. i wasnt sure if i could handle it. well he had sex for almost 40 minutes and nothing. I had repeated orgasim but he never did ejaculate. At first i thought it was becouse we were both stressed out and tired. Well in the middle of the night he woke me wanting more. I was a little sore so i thought oral would hold him over. he prematurely did a little a few times but after almost an hour nothing. I was tired. he just smiled and said he was happy for the moment and for me to get some sleep. Well morning came and he was up allright, up and ready to go. He woke me and we went at it again. For a guy who has never been with a woman other then me i was surprised he stayed hard for that long. Well after giving me 3 orgasims, i was ready to go back to sleep. Still he had not ejaculate. i am so confused. I know he spent many years masterbating, but why cant i pleasure him ????? i care about him very much and dont want something like this to get in the way. please if there is anyone out there that could help please do. Is it becouse ther is a large age difference or is it becouse i dont pleasure him like i think i do????
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: ladydragon75
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 9:21pm

Trust me, if you weren't pleasing him he would have rolled over and gone to sleep after the first time. Don't you think that wanting it all the time is a good indication that he is enjoying himself?

If I read what you wrote correctly, he orgasmed and ejeculated after the first time but then got hard again and hasn't ejeculated again that night or the next morning?

Well, I don't think that's such a problem. This is guy that was a virgin, has discovered how much fun intercourse really is, and is now making up for lost time. Many men find it much more difficult to orgasm the second time. It still feels fantastic, you just don't manage to quite hit your orgasm again. As far as you are concerned this is no problem and no reflection on what you might be doing or what you might not be doing. As far as he is concerned, well, it's not a big problem either. He's probably really enjoying the intercourse and will be only minimally concerned if he can't orgasm. You think that there is a problem but there isn't one. The only problem you have, is that you are in danger of getting worn out. Have fun ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
In reply to: ladydragon75
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 9:41pm
i really wounld nt call it ejaculating more like a prmature thing, but yes he did then stayed hard. and hasnt done it since.
yeah u must be right. i am looking to much into this. i was so use to pleasing and then having the man roll over and go to sleep. Now that i have a man that is wlling to go longer then 20 minutes and snuggle afterwords, i am not sure what to do. So i guess i just enjoy what i have and be happy for what i have found.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: ladydragon75
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 12:05am

Whoa Nellie! Lady, you've got the wrong idea about your orgasms, and his climax and ejaculation.

He didn't give you an orgasm. You allowed yourself to have one! Don't compare this guy or this situation to your marriage. Chances are, the fact that you were on top, (which is about the best for orgasms for many of us, as well as female ejaculation because of the "g" spot stimulation). Also, because now you feel like you're in control, because of his lack of experience (and that's true, you are somewhat in control). You feel NO pressure to perform, because you're confident, which you probably weren't in your marriage. I know whereof I speak.....I was married for 20 years, he was my first, and I never had an orgasm either.....till I was divorce, and with someone else. I'll bet your ex was like mine, tearing down your self confidence. Now you're with someone who's entirely different, and your self confidence has returned.....and you're able to have an orgasm.

His lack of ejaculation is probably very normal, for HIM. He's a beginner, and he's nervous. It has NOTHING to do with you, or whether or not you give him pleasure. He's never done this before, and it's all new for him. He's got years of masturbation that he's used to.....and this is very different. Give him some time to get comfortable with the situation, and just like you, get some self confidence. This can happen to very experienced men, too. It has nothing to do with pleasure, it's just his nervousness.

If it happens again, and you're too tired/worn out to go on, then suggest that you help him manually or orally (although he might have the same problem with oral, something entirely new to him!) Just don't make a big deal out of it.....or it'll turn into a major problem. He'll be so worried that it's something wrong, or you're not happy about it, and it'll turn into a "self-fulfilling prophecy"!

Let it go.......give him time......he'll get more comfortable with the whole situation, and everything will get back to "normal". The first few times, with any new partner, experienced or not, are always awkward....it takes time for both of you to relax and get comfortable with each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
In reply to: ladydragon75
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 5:47am
U are right on the marrage part my ex husband was a control freek from everything to money to the bedroom. I guess i was just use to being with one person that i didnt relize that every guy is different. Dam do i have alot to learn. The sex seaaions between my boyfriend and are are planned anyways. we both work alot and have alot of stress between our different lives. so we have to plan weekends that we can be alone together. Maybe that could have alot to dowith it too. neither one of is is real comfortable with things right now. We are comfortable with each other and or love but the stress from our everyday lives is still there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: ladydragon75
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 11:48am

Just relax and let nature take it's course. Don't forget that this guy has had MANY years of repressed sexuality.....and that's got to mess with his head. Now that you've gotten past the initial attempts......both of you should just relax, and allow things to happen naturally.

Also, even though you're the one "leading" the situation, be careful not to be TOO controlling. Let him go at his own pace, and let him take the initiative sometimes, too. If he's doing something wrong, or not doing something right, you can gently correct him....and "gently" is the qualifying word. Be patient, and try to leave all the other stresses outside the bedroom door.

"i didnt relize that every guy is different". Yes, they're ALL different, and even if this guy was very experienced, it would STILL be a situation where you'd have to get to know each other, and learn about each other's likes and dislikes. When two new people start a relationship, it's ALL new......and it always takes time. This is no different, except that he's had no experience at all....and needs some guidance. Just enjoy each other's company, and take lots of time to get to know each other..it will all work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
In reply to: ladydragon75
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 6:07pm
thanls again for all of your help. i will keep that im mind. to take things very slow and enjoy being in good company