Embarrasing Orgasms

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Registered: 03-24-2006
Embarrasing Orgasms
27
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:29am
I am a 33 year old, sexually active female. I’ve always enjoyed sex and orgasms are like the best feeling in the world to me. But something has happened to my body since I have been dating my current boyfriend. My orgasms have changed. In the past, with other partners, I have been able to control my orgasms, and when I have one, it’s like the muscles in my vagina contract and there is a minimal amount of discharge. But now with my new bf, and we’ve been dating for about a year… it’s like he hits something up in me that unloads this god awful amount of “liquid”. The first time it happened, I thought I urinated on myself, but I know I didn’t. Although it feels great, what worries me is that I can’t control it. He knows just the position to put me in to make me “cum”, and it’s very messy, leaving the sheets and bed soaking wet. It feels great and he seems to love it, but it’s very embarrassing. And out of my 33 years of living, this is something that just started with him. I guess what I want to know is has anyone ever experienced this and how common is it? I feel so weird!
Avatar for ukgirl82
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Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 2:48pm

"Recently another board posted that a woman doesn't reach sexually peak until age 55."

I don't think that's true... a lot of women are going through menopause by then (the average age menopause starts is 51) and their sex drive usually plummets before, during and/or afterwards, not goes up. Just google "menopause sex drive" to read all about the problems menopausal women have with a loss of libido.

Some experts say women hit their sexual peak in their 20s, some say in their 30s...
either way, claiming it's actually at 55 is more then a bit of a leap. Whoever posted this information has clearly got it wrong and in the future you should probably try googling things you hear about to confirm its validity before passing it on to someone else.

And no, I'm not saying women in their 50s can't or don't still have an active sex life... anyone can have great sex even if they're not at their sexual peak. But *most* women *will* experience a drop in sex drive in their 50s thanks to menopause... so stating that most women hit their sexual peak at age 55 just doesn't make much sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 4:26pm

Guess what, there are NO peaks for men or women. Yes, men are more interested in sex in their late teens and early twenties, where women get there a little later, IN GENERAL.

There are peaks and valleys for all of us. But, we're all different. I reached menopause around 40, and I became MORE sexually active (might have had something to do with the fact that I got divorced then, too) and menopause had NOTHING to do with anything. Many women's libidos get higher during and after menopause because they know they can't get pregnant anymore......all the fun and no consequences.

ANYONE can enjoy sex at any age, depending a lot on their general health. My health is good, and I'm 70. My partner's health is good, and he's 71. We haven't lost interest at ALL.

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Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 8:21pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 6:41am

Being happier in your sex life doesn't exactly mean it's a sexual peak if you ask me. I guess it depends what your definition of a sexual peak is.

Where/who exactly did these studies? Because everything I've ever read says the exact opposite. And isn't it a contradition for you to say "Postmenopausal women are also more likely to be orgasmic and multi-orgasmic than younger women" and then go on to say you don't believe in sexual primes for men or women? I can get on board with believing their is no typical age for sexual peaks in men or women but you can't claim such when just before, you're claiming that *most* postmenpausal women experience an orgasmic peak more than younger women.

I wasn't trying to claim there is a sexual peak for women, I was just trying to point out that IF there is one, it certainly isn't at age 55 for most because everything I've ever read has said the opposite (that most women experience a drop in sex drive when they hit menopause) and if I'm going to believe that everything I've ever read has been false, I'd at least like to know where this info is coming from so I can determine for myself if these studies are reliable. No offense Tish, I know you're knowledgable but I can't just take someone's word for it when they're claiming that actual facts contradict everything I've ever learned about menopause.

However, I do believe that things like these are difficult to measure. There's so many factors to consider... were all the women being studied completely honest and how many were studied? Too many times I've seen "studies" that only include about 100-200 people... that's not really an effective amount to represent millions if you ask me.

I've been googling this issue while I reply to this and I honestly can't find anything that supports the studies you're referring to... every source I find says *some* women experience an increase in sex drive because of psychological factors. But "some" doesn't mean 80-90%. There are plenty of other "studies" done that support *most* women experience a drop in libido during/after menopause... so which "studies" do we believe and why? I guess it's still all just a matter of personal experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 10:05am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 10:15am

I may not be a good candidate because I am most likely not like the typical woman--I do not, nor have not ever in my life, taken any form of internal birth control(which may have an effect libido). I also have never been on any type of medication with the exception of once(and it did not affect my libido, but it did affect my body's responses to stimuli). I have always had a high-libido and am now peri-menopausal(I'm 48 and began menopause at 44). If anything, my drive has been higher than it has been normally(more like it was when I was very young).

I believe that post-menopausal women have approx. 50% less testosterone in their systems, however, as I understand it, both estrogen and testosterone levels decrease; estrogen on a much larger scale...which leaves testosterone to be the more prominent hormone. This most likely explains the increase in libido in older women.

Sex occurs mostly in the mind....which is why even in their 20's(when testosterone levels are highest in women), some women may not enjoy sex as much. Let's not also forget that a woman's ability to enjoy sex is only a relatively new concept(40 years or so). Prior to that, there was literally no, or very little foreplay in existence; women were suppose to orgasm from a few minutes of intercourse; and the clitoris hadn't made it's debut yet. Even still, many women suffer from psychological disorders(varying in degrees) due to upbringing and stigmas about sex...and it's still going on today("good girl"/"bad girl" stigmas come to mind). My point is, that because sex begins in the mind, there is so much that can have an affect on how it is perceived, and thereafter, played-out.

There have been about 5000 studies on mens' sexuality and only 2000 on womens'. There is so much that we do not know. Birth control(internal) and interest in womens' sexuality were born about the same time and are relatively new. So much about womens' sexuality is unknown. It can be affected by such a vast amount of variables(both nurture and nature), that it would seem too pre-mature to make any definite conclusions.

Here's a link to some info:

http://www.arhp.org/healthcareproviders/cme/onlinecme/NYNCP/variables.cfm




Edited 4/30/2006 2:16 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 10:41am

You can't believe everything you read. Studies, even if scientifically done, with a large group of people, STILL only come up with "averages". To make up an average, there has to be high numbers and low numbers. So, the final numbers of any study incorporate LOTS of differences from high to low.

I also agree with the others that attitudes about sex have a LOT to do with "libido" which is a large part in the brain. Hormones fluctuate throughout our lifetime, depending on health, pregnancy, menopause, etc. Even with those fluctuations, the brain plays a big part.

I know women who never liked sex, and never enjoyed it. They got married, had children, and that was just about the end of their sex lives. They saw sex as just a way to have a family. Their hormones were probably the same as everyone elses, but their brains were completely turned off as far as sex was concerned. I have a friend who was crying the blues because the last of her three children was getting married and leaving home. Jokingly, I said that NOW she could chase her husband around the house naked. There was a moment's silence, and then she said "Oh, we stopped all that stuff years ago!" She was in her mid forties! How sad! (And that kind of attitude is where a lot of cheating husbands come from!) Input from someone like my friend is what brings the "averages" down in the studies you've read. Very few people are "average".

Tish mentioned women becoming more orgasmic as they get older....and you thought she was talking about a "peak". If "peaks" can be believed, then I was in my peak in my middle to late twenties. I never had any kind of orgasm till I was over 40! Once I learned how, I was almost immediately multiorgasmic, and I am still, 30 years later.

Also mentioned.....the difference in sexual attitudes 40-50 years ago, when men had no idea that women were supposed to have pleasure from intercourse alone, and no one, women OR men knew much about foreplay, or the clitoris. Many women (and men) never changed their attitudes about that. Those are the people that are participating in many studies. In another 20-30 years from now, when studies are done using the people that are in their 20's and 30's right now......the "averages" will probably be very different!
Many of my contemporaries think that oral sex is disgusting and perverted. Don't even MENTION anal sex to them! They're still stuck in the fifties!

Bottom line, don't worry about studies....and don't compare yourself to those averages. Take life as it comes to you, and enjoy it all. When I was a young woman, like you, I couldn't imagine that people over 50 would even HAVE sex, let alone enjoy it! Strange how my ideas have changed over the years! As "MAXINE" says, anyone over sixty can have a great sex life, as long as you can stand looking at the OLD bodies!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 2:49am
Same here, rain. I never took BC Pills because I had my tubes tied after our 2nd son was born. And from all the surveys I've read, more older women report satisfactory sex lives than their younger counterparts. I think maturity, less concern over pregnancy, etc. and stable relationships have a LOT to do with that satisfaction.
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Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 8:26am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 10:02am

"You two are too old for that stuff."

LOL! I remember saying the same thing when I was a teen and inadvertently walked in on my parents making out in the kitchen. And mind you, they were only in their late 30's and 40's respectively at the time!

My Dad's response? "We're not dead yet, so no, we're not too old for this "stuff."

No, kids just cannot imagine someone over the age of 29 being sexual. But oh yes, it does go on until you die or can't manage it anymore.




Edited 5/1/2006 10:10 am ET by katmandoo2001