embarrassed! what should I do or say???
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 10:06am |
Hi everyone- i am embarrassed because while me and my boyfriend were having sex, when it was almost over he all of a sudden said "sometimes theres a bad smell". i don't want him to be disgusted- A smell from sex? i don't know I am really embarrassed to ask. i keep myself very clean "down there" but sometimes i do notice a smell after we both orgasm. Can anyone relate to what I am saying? What can I do about htis "smell"
Also, i feel he goes too fast- meaning it only lasts maybe 10 minutes and thats it. There is much more cuddling (which i do like), but i would like the sex to last longer, but he cums too fast.
Another thing-Sometimes he is too rough with me (he squeezes me too hard) i told him it hurt and he said he was sorry. He felt bad after, and kept asking me if I was okay. How can I tell him, or show him what i want. i am too shy. Please help.
Thanks to all.

If you're too embarassed to say what you want, or to tell him NOT to be so rough, then you really shouldn't be having sex with him, or anyone else. There are two of you there, and you have just as much right to complain if something isn't right as he does. It didn't bother HIM to complain about a smell, did it? He sounds very inexperienced himself, and he has a lot to learn about sex, and about how to treat a woman.
The "smell" is NORMAL. It's your lubrication, mixed with his ejacualate, and combined with the bacteria on your skin surface. When you're done, you wash, or take a shower...very simple. It happens to everyone.....it's NOT you...it's SEX.
Ten minutes isn't really that short a time, and I'm sure he has no idea how to last longer......but how much foreplay does he give you? If you have enough foreplay, so that you've had plenty of pleasure from oral or manual clitoral stimulation, ten minutes would be enough for you. If he just starts out with intercourse, then you'll never be satisfied if he lasts 30 minutes or an hour. Most women don't get the most satisfaction from intercourse, they get it from clitoral stimulation.
Check out www.the-clitoris.com and have HIM read it too.....maybe he'll get the idea. But in the meantime, start talking. This is about BOTH of you, and if you don't ask for what you want, you will never get it. There is NOTHING to be shy or embarassed about.
Yes, there is a lot of foreplay, but i wish the actual act itself would last longer. I would like to have him stay inside me longer, but he is very quick. Thanks for the link- I will check it out.
I can't tell you where the smell came from, though your boyfriend's timing was less than sensitive. The most you can do about hygiene is to bathe prior to and following sex. It sounds like you're conscientious in that area. Whatever odors appear beyond that--assuming you're both in good health--are likely natural and will simply take some getting accustomed to.
Your boyfriend being too rough, coming too quickly and the sex not lasting long enough are all common problems. The only way you're going to master them is by confronting them rather than avoiding them. At least your boyfriend demonstrated some sensitivity by apologizing, and your being able to tell him that it hurt demonstrated your ability to communicate. Use that as a springboard for further communication with him.
Communicating with one another about how you feel and what you need is one of the foundations that successful relationships are built upon, is a learned skill, and is therefore never easy at first. You might want to purchase (or borrow from your local library) a good book on communication skills. Plenty have been written.
Speaking of which, a book that helped me greatly improve the physical and relational aspects of intimacy was 'For Each Other' by Lonnie Barbach. She also authored 'For Yourself.' Both are excellent in helping people deal with these kinds of concerns and encouraging personal growth.
Thanks for your book recommendation!