This is embarrassing.......
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This is embarrassing.......
| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 10:59am |
I don't know if I am the only one with this problem and it's really embarrassing but here goes...... Does anyone have a problem with thier husbands having porno and "pleasing" themseves while watching it? I didn't have this problem before in previous relationships but with my husband I do. I get really jealous and upset when I find out he did it. I feel like I am useless and that I don't please and there shouldn't be a need for him to do that because we have sex 5-6 times a week. I don't do it because I am totally satisfied with him. We have GREAT sex and he always O's and so do I. I just don't understand. He has told me time and time again that it has nothing to do with me, but I still feel violated because he has to hide it. When I do find porno, I usually make him get rid of it and he does. When we were first together I had NO problem with it, but here lately I do. He hides it and I know it's really no big deal, but it makes me feel like "if he hides this little stuff, what else is he hiding"
If you guys can help me, I would be much appreciative. And guys, Please give your input too.
Thanks,
Troubled,Insecure,Wife
If you guys can help me, I would be much appreciative. And guys, Please give your input too.
Thanks,
Troubled,Insecure,Wife

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Frankly I disagree.
Ever since man could use coloured dirt to paint on cave walls there have been open and explict depictions of human sexuality and sex ever since. If it wasn't cavemen scrawling on rocks it was the Romans with murals, the Asians with woooden carvings on temples, the Karma Sutra, b&W photos in the Victorian era and dirty pictures on the internet. Sure the technology and morality has changed over time which has also changed the content but people (particularly men) have used and viewed pornography in various forms for zillions of years.
>>Sex is natural - watching other people doing it is not.<<
Again I disagree. Currrent morality may say that watching others having sex is not 'nice' but you can't tell me that in times past that people have never had sex within earshot or eyesight of other people.
WHY is watching NOT natural?????
I think that knowing about, seeing or hearing other couples having sex is just part and parcel of sex in general.
>>Sex is a big deal. That is the problem.<<
No. Sex is not a big deal. It is one of the most natural things that humans can engage in next to eating, and breathing. The problem is that we MAKE sex a problem. If it was more accepted and talked about and we educated more children about the realities of sex it would be less of a problem and more relationships wouldn't have problems based on unrealistic expectations of sex.
Porn is a fantasy world but it's out there and everyone knows about it or has been affected by it in one way or another. If only people talked about normal sexuality in the same way, we'd all be better off.
Nope...never. Even if I thought the actor was hot. Even soft porn does absolutely nothing for me. Hard-core is really the only way to get me aroused or steamy books(besides my DH). For me,(I know it's not the same for everyone), porn gets me soooooooooooo aroused that it's over in about two seconds. Leaves me feeling cheated somehow. DH pretty much is the same. Isn't that what it's suppose to do? So, no, movies and hot scenes, although enjoyable, are NOT enough to make me aroused. And yet... a simple couple of steamy sentences from my DH or a lustful kiss, can do me in for sure! ;-) The only difference is the arousal is more naturally progressive....not super-sonic speedy.
Do you think that if we all just screwed each other out in the open, we'd all be in a better place right now? Sexually? Would porn be eradicated? Would sex become mundane...and private sex be the "rave" ;-). Think about Janet Jackson's display. It really didn't phase us much, now did it? Now 100 years ago...hmmmmmmm.
>>Do you think that if we all just screwed each other out in the open, we'd all be in a better place right now?<<
No, I don't think that we would be better for it. Although there have certainly been people that have advocated that. I didn't experience the 60's but I believe that the 'free love' idea was heading that way.
What I'm saying is that if everyone better understood sex and their own sexuality that porn wouldn't be such a big deal. 'Porn' has always been around in one form or another. What is sexually offensive and unacceptable to one person, is inoffensive and acceptable to another - and even that changes depending on culture and time and place.
>>Would sex become mundane<<
Only if you're doing it wrong! No, I expect that sex would become more fulfilling and less scary or even upsetting if people were more knowledgable about it. There is certainly too much focus on the body perfect in society (and perhaps western society) and perhaps better acceptance and education would help defuse the minefield that sex is at the moment. I'm not saying that all porn and all porn use is acceptable, but I certainly think that some of it has it's place. If people better understood it's place (whatever that may be) then it would perhaps become less of an issue in many relationships.
>>Think about Janet Jackson's display.<<
My point exactly to a degree.
That was done to shock and gather attention. If people had been more relaxed about sex and bodies in general, it probably wouldn't have happened because it wouldn't have been shocking.
There's so many mixed messages out there now that it's no wonder it's all so confusing. Baywatch is OK, cable soft porn is 'OK', bare boobs in the major fashion magazine are OK if they are advertising perfume but a bare boob at Superbowl is shocking.
This next generation is inundated with porn, Westie....so in theory, they'll be well "educated" and sex should be "less" scary and more "fulfilling."
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