Enjoy sex - but need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Enjoy sex - but need advice
3
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 8:14pm

Hi everyone,
I just want to say a big "thank you" to everyone who has helped me in the past on this board. You have given me great insight, and that is why I'm back!

I recently lost my virginity about a month ago to my boyfriend, a man that I love with all my heart and I am so happy to be with. I held out for awhile, but I'm glad I did. I can honestly say that I really enjoy having sex with him. I never thought I would enjoy it that much, and I just feel such a wonderful feeling when we are both engaged in the act. The only thing is, he has never came inside of me. I'm a bit paranoid. I am on the pill, and have been since the end of October. I also make him wear a condom, just to be safe. It is one little insecurity I'd like to get over.

Anyways, my question doesn't really have to do with sex itself, but with oral sex. For the longest time, I had a real problem with him using his hands to stimulate me. I wasn't ready for it, and I got somewhat antsy when it seemed that he was always pressuring it on me. I told him I need to take my time, and funny thing is, I enjoy it now. I've even told him what works for me when I do it alone. But the thing with oral sex - well, I'm not all that comfortable with it yet, and I don't know why.

He performs oral sex on me a lot. It honestly doesn't do anything for me. I don't know if it's because I'm worried about how I taste (he says he loves it) or how I'll respond to it or what. Same goes with performing oral sex on him. I've tried it a little bit, but stopped. I really want to be able to do it for him, but I think I have a bit of performance anxiety. When we are having sex together, it's like both of us are in the act together. When he's performing oral sex on me, I have to be the one in the spotlight, or when I'm doing it to him, I have to be doing a decent job.

I need some advice on how to get over this. Should I just go ahead and attempt oral sex on him? Is there anything else I can try?

Thanks so much in advance,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:48pm

When he's giving you oral sex...you're NOT in the spotlight. You're the recipient, and all you have to do is relax and enjoy it. If you bathe regularly, and you don't have an infection, you taste just fine to him......you taste like a woman is supposed to taste. Don't you think if it was "bad" he'd stop doing it?

When you're giving it to him, you ARE doing a decent job, or he'd let you know! There's not much you can do wrong besides hurting him, and you're not doing that. If you feel you don't know what to do for him, ASK him, and he'll be happy to tell you. There's no such thing as a bad BJ, but there are good ones, and better ones.

These are things that you just have to get over, just as you got over him using his hands on you. It's new, and you're not comfortable yet. Be patient, eventually you'll learn to love it all, and be grateful that you've got such a great guy who gives you so much pleasure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:11am

If you feel like doing something that you feel he will truly enjoy and appreciate, then you certainly won't need any of US to tell you whether you should or not, LOL!

If you really feel like you're in the spotlight, then so be it. Sit back and enjoy. He is doing something that a female would truly not be able to get enough of. I think if you just relaxed and enjoyed it, you might actually get to...well...enjoy it.

The clitoris.com website DOES have the tips of tips for cunnilingus if you feel that he could benefit from it. Heck, for all you know, autumn, you may get off just what he should be doing to you, LOL, who knows.

Anyway, look for the part on that site that discusses cunnilingus and try to relax and just take what he gives you during those times. Enjoy him adoring you and your body. If you just happen to be one of those rare ones that orgasm from intercourse so often and very rarely from clitoral stimulation of any/every kind, then don't sweat and just enjoy what you know you can.

KEEP that communication open with him and don't let him forget how much you appreciate they way he adores you all over like that. Snif, we uh, we guys can be sensitive too. ;)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:23am

Dear Autumn,

What you are discussing here can apply to all areas of relationship and in fact life. You can NEVER fully give anything without first learning how to receive and paradoxically the opposite is also true. Because giving and receiving are really the same thing...it is the circulation of the Universe.

The reason that this is difficult for you is that when you are having intercourse you are fully in the moment...in other words you are "present", you are not concerned about the "I". When you engage in oral sex, you get caught up within your own mind and your ego gets involved (will I taste bad, will I do it wrong, etc.) The way to transcend this is to be playful during sex. remember, masturbation, oral and anal sex are NOT serious things. They are not about reproduction, they are just play. We all have a tendency to think about sex like it's "serious business"...it's not. It's just two people enjoying themselves and becoming more intimate.

It may help to know that everyone goes through this at one point or the other. we all have things that make us self-conscious or nervous...it's just part of the wonderful human experience.

Good luck and love to you both.
Scott.