Exloring Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Exloring Sex
3
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:50pm

I am a guy, have always wanted to lay with girls, but have never done it. The obstacle, I am beginning to see, is that I never learned how to exude sexual confidence. People do not just KNOW how to have sex because sexuality involves more than coitus. Yet in my youth, I never learned how to interact with a girl to whom I am sexually attracted, to create the sexual "chemistry". My parents not only did not teach me any thing about sex, but discouraged me from befriending adolescents from whom I might learn.

I consider sex as an integral part of my growth, and it is painful to know that at 25 I am still a virgin. Please do not tell me to wait until marriage or to look for a girlfriend. For I just want to grow up and become the great lover that I always want to be, predicating sex on a relationship is not going to work for me. I want to explore my sexuality, to create my sexual identity, but where do I begin? I live in New York City where every day you will find tons of beautiful women, but I do not approach any one of them because I cannot be any thing to her but a nice guy. What suggestion can you give me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
In reply to: akt226
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:35pm
Spend a few bucks and consult a pro. I think you'll be amazed at what a quick learner you'll become.
Just be sure to wear protection.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: akt226
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:35pm

"Explorers" don't have maps! They just go where the river or the trail takes them! There are no maps for sexuality, either, because every human being is somewhat different. Even if you had been told the "facts of life" at home or in school, practice is very different than theory!

Rather than worry about the fact that you're a virgin, worry about the fact that you're avoiding women because of that! EVERYONE is a virgin until they take the "plunge" into sex, whether they're 16, 25, or 50! You don't "create" sexual "chemistry".....that's just something that happens naturally.....more often even before sex occurs.

You can educate yourself on the "basics" of sex, which I'm sure you actually know already. You can educate yourself about women's bodies, and what it takes to give a woman pleasure. Check out this website: www.the-clitoris.com You can also, when the time comes, be honest, and tell your partner you're not experienced, and you'd like help. Most women would be more than happy to give you pointers! Believe it or not, there are plenty of "experienced" men that need help....because experience doesn't equate knowledge. Women would rather have an inexperienced "nice guy" than an experienced "player" or jerk that will take advantage of them.

You can't become sexual until you have a partner to be sexual with. Also, don't confuse "beautiful women" with "nice women" who might be just as lonely as you are. Beauty is only on the outside, and not all beautiful women are beautiful on the inside!

I'm sure you know and meet women every day of your life, either at work, at school, even at a coffee shop. Start talking to them. Make FRIENDS with them....and eventually you'll find one who's very nice, who interests you, and who you can take out on a date. Dates don't mean sex, either. They are to get to know a person one on one. If you like the person, you ask them out again, and again and again, until you're comfortable with them....you start with a kiss, and go from there.

Nothing will EVER happen if you don't stop feeling sorry for yourself, and just force yourself to get into the swing of life.

The only other solution is to pay a prostitute to teach you, but that experience can't compare to the first time with someone you really care for! Just get out there and go for it. Come back and report your progress!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: akt226
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 4:46pm
My suggestion is counseling. Obviously, you don't know how to change your situation and your life is unsatisfying and you don't know how to improve it, so get some objective input from a counselor or therapist. Something is holding you back but you can't change what you don't understand.