Expectations of your partner
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Expectations of your partner
| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:40pm |
OK, my last question about duration of intercourse seems to have caused quite a bit of confusion on my meaning.
| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:40pm |
OK, my last question about duration of intercourse seems to have caused quite a bit of confusion on my meaning.
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Leticia
Edited 5/23/2004 7:14 pm ET ET by free_to_choose
"I would take a bullet for my husband, but if he told me that he didn't want to perform oral on me anymore because he didn't get squat out of it, I would be hurt and a little resentful."
...does identify my point. Remember, Free, I did say...
"His issue was that it wasn't enjoyable for "him" and that he wasn't comfortable with her constant guides on how to do it more pleasurably for her...which we all agree there was nothing wrong with her trying to show him."
...so my question to you was "what then?"--but that was in regards to AS OPPOSED TO . See the difference?
Now one thing you did say that caught my eye was...
"If that means no more oral, then I have to respect that he just doesn't want to do it."
Keep in mind that I was using oral as simply an example and thats all, so far so good? In other words, think of something for YOU that would fit this example. If you are okay with manual but no oral, then that works for YOU but that may "bore" other women outta there minds. So the was what do you suggest for those OTHER women who DO need it to keep sex pleasurable for them.
Remember, those women are NOT in the wrong for having their needs (again I say this as opposed to "wants") to keep sex pleasurable just like the men have their RIGHT to not try simply because they don't feel like it (keep in mind that those type of men delete any discussion of "trust to do their best").
I DO believe there is such a thing as changing needs and also changing appetites. Heck, why not stretch this discussion into overall sex for that matter? Try this...
What if a guy just doesn't feel like having sex as often as the couple use to? The wife needs it more than twice per month, LOL!, but the husband just simply doesn't and has CHOSEN--with his rightful freedom--to not bother (so now this negates "fixing" his problem, whatever it is, because he has "CHOSEN" not to deal with it anyway). SOOOO...should she "push" him on the issue some more or should she respect his CHOICE and simply ignore her own needs??? What about those couples that rarely have sex AT ALL anymore just because one partner CHOOSES not to, even though they very physically can??? What should they do?
Obviously there's always going to be a gray area in this subject if we preach "respect one's choice" without remembering the consequences of not pushing or dealing with an issue at all. Again, thats just my humble opinion based on my own experience. Gotta admit the number of posts online here from women who complain about this sooo much though too.
So when a partner displays no sense of sacrifice for the other, via "choosing" to stay as is regardless the 'need' or even changes in sex/appetite/schedules that have occured, should the other clam up and respect that choice and remain unfulfilled forever?...OOOOR...should that partner at least 'encouragingly' push the issue some???
Keep in mind that I'm referring to the partner's needs, so long as its within monogamy and doesn't cause harm. This isn't about anal or swallowing or threesomes, but then again, to respect one's CHOICE to do or not do something is just as respectful as respecting that the other has those needs anyway...period...even if those needs are not to the other's liking. We can all agree right now that certain things should NOT be needed to enjoy sex...BUT...who are we to dictate that for ALL people?!
Of COURSE we're all thankful that we're with a partner compatible to ourselves, BUT if that compatibility doesn't include room for adjustments to changing appetites/needs, simply because of the 'choice' not to, then what? Again, what if foreplay was NOT being done for 'her' anymore at all simply because HE exercised his RIGHT to choose not to and was unwilling to learn effective techniques to make it pleasurable for him as well? Should she pipe down and blindly respect his choice, or should she address it? So again, how do we NOT push an issue here and there?
C H A R A C T E R
Since people are doing what they WANT to do most of the time, then by letting them decide for themselves uninterrupted, you can understand them better....and you'll know when there's a problem. If my SO had sex with me even though he didn't want to, I might be happier in my oblivion, but I'd never know that I was having sex with a man that was doing it in spite of not wanting to. BTW, I would have sex with my DH even if I wasn't in the mood, because I want to, and choose to, not because he makes me.
Matt
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