Expectations of your partner

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Expectations of your partner
54
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:40pm

OK, my last question about duration of intercourse seems to have caused quite a bit of confusion on my meaning.

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:17am
WOW. Para, nice post. I read the intire thing and have a new outlook, and even better understanding of the way I feel about it. LOL It is so hard to explain things logically to others sometimes, and it seems you have struck the nail dead on with this one. Love is Selfless, and when you love someone, you do sacrifice, often for that person. I mean shoot, if it is raising anothers children, or taking care of the pets, to what happens in the bedroom, there is always sacrifice in any strong loving relationship, and I think that by saying that you want nothing that is not freely given, you are in a relationship that has progressed beyond the sacrifices, and are comfortable where you are. I push, and I sacrifice. I let things go, and I bring them up. It is all good, as my SO is the same way. We are happy pushing each other farther, deeper, and harder each time. If we get to a point where we are going to far, then we stop, PERIOD, and reassess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:24am
I am finding a similarity in this post and the posts by para. You free, and you Para, are both saying the exact same thing, only like most men and women, are looking at it from your perspective, and refusing to see the other side. It is so funny to read your posts, and see the exact same thing, only worded differently. I am amazed at the differences between men and women in this regard, as I deal with it constantly. My SO says one thing, I disagree and say the exact same thing, a different way. I have begun to notice that since being on Ivillage, and have started to work to correct it, but if you look closely at your posts, you will see that the info is the same, it's just the approach to spelling it out that is different. Thanks guys, for the eye opener for one, and for two, for giving everyone something to think about. This is an awesome thread. Hope it continues to be that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 2:02pm
Ok, Ok, Ok.....now...this was my VERY first post to the thread.....

FREE: "I'm like you Yas. I couldn't/wouldn't push my DH to do anything. I wouldn't even present it as a "must-do" because that adds more pressure. I don't enjoy any acts that aren't 100% enjoyed by my partner. I'm just wired that way. If it's not freely given, I don't want it."

In your last post to another thread:

JEEP: "And a lot of it has simply to do with something you said in another thread. Enthusiasm is not there. Desire to just do it, is not there. It is all about the orgasm. Yes, I love oral sex to completion, I love oral sex as forplay, I love oral sex, just for the oral sex. But I have to have the feeling that she wants what she is doing, enjoyus what she is doing, and is getting pleasure from it. If she appears to be doing it just for me, or doing it out of guilt, or feeling that it is only fair, I lose interest, and go soft."

That's exactly what I meant. If I don't feel that my DH is getting into it or aroused(particularly after he's orgasmed), I don't enjoy it no matter how noble he's being by doing it. It began the interrogation, and all I said was what you have said here. tee hee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:37pm
Just because I push her to do something, does not mean she doesn't enjoy it, or even shows me that she enjoys it. My SO is so cool in that when I do push something, and she accepts it, immediately she shows interest, enjoyment, or pleasure from it. At times, even if she is not, and when I find out I feel really bad about it, but after that if she doesn't want to do it again, it is never brought up. But if she does want to try it again, I almost always make sure she is O.K. with it, and let it go at her pace. Pushing is not in my mind what you are making it out to be. It is healthy pushing of boundaries, to see where and what a partner is up for. Yes, I need her to be interested in it, and to enjoy it, but who says you can't enjoy one of your taboos, with the right person. She had never done anal, until I pushed it, then she loved it, and wanted it all the time. Then we had a baby, and she didn't want it for a long time. I never brought it up, never asked, never mentioned, and then one day she brought it up. I push for the first time only, after that, it is entirely up to her. She is an awesome woman, and I am so lucky to have her, even with our problems and issues. We are doing a lot better these days, and our relationship is back in order. Now we just need to fix our sex life again. She has pushed me into things I was not ready for, and like another post on this thread said, she brought it up, I thought about it, and I finally agreed to do it. That to me is pushing, without getting disrespectful, or mean.

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