Extended dry spell
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:56pm |
I have not been in a relationship for over 5 years. This has led to what can only be described as a dry spell of Sahara proportions. I have gone out with a few people since then, even had a few one-night stands (not my cup of tea but good enough for right now). I seriously have a problem with the lack of sex. It makes me crabby. I do masturbate but it is not the same thing at all. In fact I recently bought my first sex toy ever (at the age of 38) so that should be interesting.
But I have some friends that could be "friends with benefits". But I have trouble asking anyone for sex. I am very, very uncomfortable talking about it at all (thank heavens for anonymous internet message boards. So what do I do? Continue to take care of myself and hope Mr. Right comes along? And how do I get over my inhibitions (besides alcohol- I can't drink much since it gives me migraines)?

Do you think these friends that could have benefits feels the same about you? Maybe you could do some subtle flirting with them, start out slow & see how it goes. If they start flirting back maybe try something else as far as the flirting, if things go well work your way up to touching them (hand lingering on shoulder, chest, leg, massage thier shoulders etc.)They may come onto you before it ever gets that far if they think they have a chance.
Good luck
I think you might find that FWB situations can be really rewarding, if approached with the right attitude. Of course you need just the right partner, and it's funner by far if you can do some "vertical" activities together too (I have read a bit about these where there is truly NOTHING but sex, but I can't see how that would be nearly as fun). I have had a couple of these and they've been pretty amazing -- you really learn about what *attraction* is. Then it makes regular dating so much easier. You learn to not overthink it and just enjoy the right kinds of people. Plus, you realize that so much of this stuff is just good communication: you can tell your FWB just about anything without worrying about it, and then you find that in a regular relationship you can too, even if you thought the person would judge you ... just be courageous and blurt it out!
The way I got involved in my first FWB situation a while ago was super simple and straightforward, I had been divorced for a bit and just ran into a girl, enjoyed talking to her, thought she would be great, and i just said, hey, i'm attracted to you, do you want to go out with me? And she did, and that was that. The thing lasted a couple of years; she didn't live near me so it was fun to get together every week or two. It was simultaneously totally innocent and totally hard-edged, and we ended up really liking each other and having an incredible connection. But, as befits some of these kinds of things, she met someone for a "real" relationship and I can't blame her a bit for pursuing it, although it tugged on the heartstrings a little for sure at first. Then I did, and I was pretty un-stressed about the whole thing.
But at any rate I learned a little about myself and just how nice it is to be light and airy and just plain good company without a whole lot of real-world concerns to dilute the purity of your times together. Cool.