extramarital question
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 06-28-2005 - 6:38pm |
DW and I have been together for 10 years. Before we met, I had several long relationships where the sex was great. My relationship with DW is good, but she has always been against oral sex, both giving and receiving. Nothing I have said or done has made a difference.
I never mentioned this to anyone until a good friend started talking about her husband, and recently she mentioned that she missed having someone go down on her, because her husband wouldn't do that. About the third time she mentioned this to me, I told her I enjoyed doing this, but DW was against it, and I hadn't enjoyed the taste of a woman in over ten years. Shortly after I mentioned this she proposed that we get together to mutually satisfy each other orally.
I would never want anything to interfere with my family, but I am interested in doing this because I miss going down on a woman. She says this can be a no commitment relationship. I suppose my question is, do you think that what she says is possible, and can I count on someone being discreet like I need them to?

Pages
It's possible that it could stay an uninvolved arrangement however it is not something you can gaurantee. Women tend to become emotionally involved despite their best intentions. I would say unless you are willing to have your wife find out don't do it. Desperate women do desperate things, if this woman starts to want more of a relationship and you don't she could threaten to expose you to your wife.
Can you talk to your wife? Tell her that you are this unhappy? Go to a sex therapist or something? I know if my hubby came to me telling me he was considering something like this, things would change quickly. It's not right for either side of the relationship to be this unhappy, you know?
<>
Then don't do it. It will interfere with your family. In fact, it has the potential to rip it apart.
<>
It isn't the commitment to her that could be an issue. It is the commitment to your wife and family.
<>
It's possible. But is it smart? Is it right?
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
My
>>I would never want anything to interfere with my family, but<<
Yep. This would interfere with your family alright! Just because it's oral sex doesn't make it any better either. You can be pretty sure that it'd develop into full sex anyway.
Don't do it. You CAN live without giving oral sex. I still miss smoking and I was literally physically addicted to that - but I manage. I'm sure that you can too.
A better approach would be to diplomatically approach your wife and try to have a GOOD talk about things and resolve your issues with your sex life. A much better thing to do than having an affair.
You can't have your cake and eat it too! You have a problem in your marriage, but you don't want to hurt your wife & children. It would be a lot better to try to fix the problem, whether it be by talking, by counselling, or whatever works......than to get involved with someone else. There is also a family there who could be devastated if it came out.
As someone else mentioned, this is NOT just about oral sex....and it will evolve into a full blown affair.....and unless your wife is deaf & blind, she'll figure it out. THEN what? Even if she never finds out, how will you deal with your guilt? What if her husband finds out, and tells your wife? You might wind up in divorce court, and wind up with NO sex at all.
I would miss oral sex, too, but never enough to cheat on my partner.
YOu need to figure out why she's so against it, and try to work it out with some kind of compromise. You need to tell her how frustrated you are....and ask for her help and understanding.
BIG mistake to even consider doing this! You're married and so is she...how do you think your spouses would feel knowing that you're having sex outside your relationship? How would YOU feel if your wife chose to do the same?
Don't even consider getting involved in this seemingly harmless exchange with this "friend." IF you want to preserve your marriage, that is. However, if you're looking for a way out of it, that will surely be it.
What kind of "friend" discusses their sex life to this degree anyway? I think you and this "friend" have already crossed the line!
IMO at least... it doesn't matter how much you "miss" going down on a woman-- you are breaking A VOW you made to your wife! Do you understand how TERRIBLY broken she'd feel if she ever found out! How would you feel if she was going to someone else to be pleased! "through thick and through thin"
you took those vows. why is it that people have NO respect for those vows you make anymore. it's terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE thing to do! if she ever found out it would ruin your marriage, and do you really think oral sex is worth that
i suggest sex therapy and talking to your wife about it. Let her know how unhappy you are about it!
Well, yours is a cautionary tale and you feel guilty for a reason. Was it worth it?
Yes, you MIGHT be able to get away with it, but now, you have this terrible secret that you'll forever be keeping from the man you love.
Edited 6/29/2005 8:09 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Rocketman,
Did you discuss how long such a would go on for? Is this something you'd approve of Mrs. doing with someone else?
Listen, if you have to "hide" this from your family, then that right there tells you to NOT do this. Furthermore, you have now entertained such a thought with someone you refer to as a . Remember, a looks out for your best interest/safety/well-being, including that of your family.
You will decide what you will, we'll be here if you'd like to keep us updated. In the meantime sir, the answer is NO, it does not work out the way you like...ever.
Focus your talks about this subject with the one you "love" and learn to enjoy what you CAN with her even if she won't budge on this one single aspect of your physical relationship with her, unfair as it may debatably be.
C H A R A C T E R
Pages