extramarital question

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
extramarital question
24
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 6:38pm

DW and I have been together for 10 years. Before we met, I had several long relationships where the sex was great. My relationship with DW is good, but she has always been against oral sex, both giving and receiving. Nothing I have said or done has made a difference.

I never mentioned this to anyone until a good friend started talking about her husband, and recently she mentioned that she missed having someone go down on her, because her husband wouldn't do that. About the third time she mentioned this to me, I told her I enjoyed doing this, but DW was against it, and I hadn't enjoyed the taste of a woman in over ten years. Shortly after I mentioned this she proposed that we get together to mutually satisfy each other orally.

I would never want anything to interfere with my family, but I am interested in doing this because I miss going down on a woman. She says this can be a no commitment relationship. I suppose my question is, do you think that what she says is possible, and can I count on someone being discreet like I need them to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 10:31am
Yes it was cautionary. Was it worth it? I really don't know either way. But yes, I will be keeping a secret, you are right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:28pm

I feel your pain in your posting...it's not easy to live feeling that you are being cheated out of some level of happiness.

My advice...

1) No on the "Oral Affair"

2) Demand sex counseling, inform DW of your desires and the fact that you even considered 1)

3) If 2) doesn't work, and there is no hope of being fulfilled, then divorce.

An unfulfilled life, is an unhappy one...and you only get one try.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 3:20pm

Anthing that more than one person knows about, is no longer a secret.

Do not do this, it WILL end your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 4:26pm
Rocket37, A bird in the hand is worth two in the "BUSH". No pun intended (lol), stick with what you have. It's not worth all the hurt it could cause.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:09pm
I personally have been dealing with a similar situation. I'm not being satisfied completely and I've been looking for outside sources because I know that my husband cannot satisfy these needs. I can understand why you feel the need to fulfill your desires. I've been involved with someone for quite some time and believe it or not I'm finding that my home life is better. I'm getting my desires satisfied and so is my "partner". We both have so much to lose and therefore it stays between us. The way we look at it is a release of sexual tension that has built up and nothing more. There is no desire for a relationship between us. We're able to keep what we have and do what we do without the guilt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 1:11am
Well First of all in stead of u thinking of cheating with another woman, u need to be working on improving your sex life! I dont care what it is you are thinking but there is no excuse for u to go and cheat. Why is your wife against oral sex? i mean hello! there is a reason behind everything!!!!u dont need to cheat regardless of what u miss! Please u need to wk on your realtionship before thinking of hurting someone. trust me its not worth it andd what goes around comes around!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 7:36am

The man is married and might have children (not sure if he mentioned kids or not).


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 6:42pm
Well, goddess cloe, that attitude is part of the reason for our 60% divorce rate, isn't it? If your spouse doesn't do everything you want, you don't try and work things out with a compromise or marriage counseling, noooooo....just move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 7:00pm

How about if you manually stimulate your wife and then lick your fingers? You can manually stimulate her intermittently and then bring your fingers up to your mouth. While doing this keep your eyes closed and fantasize that you're licking her clitoris and vulva instead. That should satisfy you somewhat(at least you'll get to taste her). Fantasy can be an extremely powerful tool and can seem almost "real." I do it all of the time. I love fellatio and since DH can't be at two places at one time, I sometimes fantasize during intercourse(recall what just transpired a few minutes prior) and it brings me to an orgasm quickly. When there's a will, there's a way.

Please don't cheat. If you really can't live without it and you're becoming resentful, communicate how you feel and just HOW important this is to you. MAKE her understand it. If she still can't and you want to explore this aspect of your life, then leave her first out of respect for her. Just know that if she UNDERSTANDS just how detrimental this is to you and she STILL doesn't budge, it's most likely something that she feels very strongly about and she's just not "holding out" to punish you. She loves you. People who love WANT to give to and make happy and make sacrifices for those they love. At least let her keep her dignity....by cheating you steal that from her.




Edited 7/1/2005 7:02 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for goddess9524
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 7:43pm
WEll rocketman..I personally wouldn't do it. I know that there are girls out there who could have a relationship like that but I know that most can't. Women tend to get attached after a sexual experience. MAke sure you weigh out your options before you go through with it. I can tell that you are looking for someone to tell you that what you want to do is ok. but you know that its not. Just by you asking I can tell that you are having doubts. I live by "If in doubt, don't do it". Since I have lived by that I have yet to be regretful. Have you asked what makes your partner uncomfortable about oral sex? Maybe she is worried about the way she smells. You can offer to perform after a she takes a shower. Ask her what bothers her about it and try to come up with a solution. Don't give up on your partner just yet..people tend to loosen up over the years. Good Luck.