Fat is a turn-off
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Fat is a turn-off
| Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:04pm |
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. We're both in our mid 50's. Over the past year he's gained A LOT of weight. (He had to buy a new scale that could go past 300 lbs!) I'm not as attracted to him, and sometimes get embarrassed when we're out in public. I've dropped hints that I wish he'd lose weight, but he makes it clear he's happy the way he is. He's a great guy and good to me, but when we're in bed I feel like I'm sleeping with a whale. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does. I'm considering ending the relationship. Any advice?

If he's happy the way he is, then he's living in denial. At his age, at that weight, he's a heart attack waiting to happen, as well as diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke and who knows what else. If he doesn't care what you think, warn him about his health risks.
As for leaving him, if you feel that way about him, you should leave. You're not happy with him, and he doesn't seem to care.....so you have to take care of yourself, and your own happiness.
I'm with Sakura on this. It seems shallow to leave someone because you're not attracted to them because of their weight, but the sad fact of the matter is that a serious weight gain can make a person unattractive in their partner's eyes. Given that you've already spoken to him and he shows no signs of wanting to loose the weight then other than leaving, you probably don't have a lot of options open to you.
I suppose the next step is to have a serious talk with him and explain honestly and sensitively that you are simply not attracted to him with the substantial amount of weight that he has put on, and try to see if he is at all interested in trying to loose the weight. I can't see it being an easy conversation, but at least you are being open and honest with him about it.
Welcome to the board abcgal. I think you need to approach his weight problem from the "health" aspects of it. Letting him know that you are not attracted to him is going to hurt your relationship where caring about his health is not going to do that damage.
Could their be any medical reasons that he has gained weight, has he been checked out by a doctor? If he has thyroid problems or other health problems that could be contributing to his weight gain. Is he over-eating or is it what he eats & lack of exercise that are causing the problem? Spring and Summer are the best times to start a healthy living program as you're more "up" during those seasons.
Is there anything you can offer to do that will be a positive influence in his effort to loose weight? Perhaps exercising together, being sure there is no junk food around, offering to split meals when you are out dining, preparing healthy meals and the like would make a difference for him. It's much easier to loose weight if you have a support system, so getting him into local programs can also be good.
Let us know about your progress. If things don't work out, you'll feel better knowing that you did everything you could to help out.