Fat is a turn-off

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fat is a turn-off
5
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:04pm
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. We're both in our mid 50's. Over the past year he's gained A LOT of weight. (He had to buy a new scale that could go past 300 lbs!) I'm not as attracted to him, and sometimes get embarrassed when we're out in public. I've dropped hints that I wish he'd lose weight, but he makes it clear he's happy the way he is. He's a great guy and good to me, but when we're in bed I feel like I'm sleeping with a whale. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does. I'm considering ending the relationship. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 11:25pm

If he's happy the way he is, then he's living in denial. At his age, at that weight, he's a heart attack waiting to happen, as well as diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke and who knows what else. If he doesn't care what you think, warn him about his health risks.

As for leaving him, if you feel that way about him, you should leave. You're not happy with him, and he doesn't seem to care.....so you have to take care of yourself, and your own happiness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 12:02am

I'm with Sakura on this. It seems shallow to leave someone because you're not attracted to them because of their weight, but the sad fact of the matter is that a serious weight gain can make a person unattractive in their partner's eyes. Given that you've already spoken to him and he shows no signs of wanting to loose the weight then other than leaving, you probably don't have a lot of options open to you.

I suppose the next step is to have a serious talk with him and explain honestly and sensitively that you are simply not attracted to him with the substantial amount of weight that he has put on, and try to see if he is at all interested in trying to loose the weight. I can't see it being an easy conversation, but at least you are being open and honest with him about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:23am
In a way I agree with the other posters. But you said you've dropped hints. That's not good enough. I think you need to sit and seriously talk to him about it. Explain that you love him, if you do, and that you care about his health. Maybe you can take walks together nightly, exercise, eat healthier foods. I think if you show that you are willing to do these things with him, it may be easier for him. But be patient, he didn't gain all this weight overnight so he won't lose it overnight.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:31am

Welcome to the board abcgal. I think you need to approach his weight problem from the "health" aspects of it. Letting him know that you are not attracted to him is going to hurt your relationship where caring about his health is not going to do that damage.

Could their be any medical reasons that he has gained weight, has he been checked out by a doctor? If he has thyroid problems or other health problems that could be contributing to his weight gain. Is he over-eating or is it what he eats & lack of exercise that are causing the problem? Spring and Summer are the best times to start a healthy living program as you're more "up" during those seasons.

Is there anything you can offer to do that will be a positive influence in his effort to loose weight? Perhaps exercising together, being sure there is no junk food around, offering to split meals when you are out dining, preparing healthy meals and the like would make a difference for him. It's much easier to loose weight if you have a support system, so getting him into local programs can also be good.

Let us know about your progress. If things don't work out, you'll feel better knowing that you did everything you could to help out.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 6:48pm
Thanks to all of you for your suggestions. I'm building up the courage to bring it up in a health way rather than an attractiveness issue as you've suggested. He had a serious motorcycle accident a few years ago and had his elbow replaced (about a year before we met). I know he is in constant pain so maybe the food is a comfort for him. He is retired and spends a lot of time eating junk food and watching tv. We don't live together, so our only meals together are at resturants. I'll try talking to him again, and maybe his response will help me decide what to do next. thanks