feel like I should've did more
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feel like I should've did more
| Mon, 11-21-2005 - 7:21am |
This weekend I was with the guy I've been seeing. We decided to have him go down on me and have intercourse as well. I was a virgin at the time, so this was all new to me. He told me earlier in the week to not tell him to stop when he was giving me oral but I did tell him to stop a few times because like I said, it was all new to me and there were a lot of different feelings for the first time. We decided to try him penetrating me but it hurt so much I didn't let it go all the way and I wish I did now. That's another thing he's probably mad about. The next day he wasn't saying much to me at all. He said I was a good part of his day since his day wasn't going so well but I got the feeling he wasn't that happy about the whole thing. It might be just me, I don't know.
I feel like I didn't do enough and I feel so bad that I'm making myself feel this way.
I feel like I didn't do enough and I feel so bad that I'm making myself feel this way.

You feel like you should have done more of what? You have NOTHING to beat yourself up about! First of all, he doesn't sound like a very considerate or knowledgeable lover. Before you even start, he gives you orders....."don't tell me to stop"! THAT is red flag number one! A good lover doesn't "give orders". A good lover's FIRST duty is to stop if he's told to stop.
Then he proceeded to try to penetrate you when you obviously weren't ready. (Being "willing" is not the same as being "ready"). Fortunately for you, he DID stop when you told him to. A good lover would KNOW his partner was in pain, and would NEVER proceed, even if you hadn't asked him to stop.
Now you feel he's not talking to you....so you are blaming yourself for not giving him enough "pleasure" or whatever. Too bad for the poor baby! I'm wondering, when you stopped him because of the pain.....what happened then? Did he finish himself? If not, then that's his problem, not yours.
So, now you're trying to beat yourself up because HE wasn't satisfied. He wasn't satisfied because he doesn't have a clue about giving a woman pleasure. If he expected you to let him continue when you were in pain, that's another red flag!
You didn't say how long you've been "seeing" this guy, but I'm guessing not long, certainly not long enough to know him very well. Whether or not he was "satisfied" is his problem, not yours. If he didn't know how to get you aroused and well lubricated, then he's got a lot to learn about women. If he thought you shouldn't have stopped him, then he's got a lot to learn about being a decent human being!
At the same time, you might be "reading" him entirely wrong. He might be "quiet" because he's feeling bad that it wasn't good for you! Stop beating yourself up, and let it go. If you read other posts about the "first time" you'll realize that the first time for most virgins is NOT that great. It takes several attempts for many women to even succeed at intercourse, and it takes lots of practice for two people to learn each other's needs and wants. This goes for your first partner, and every partner after him. Every new partner is a new learning experience.
Just accept that it didn't work, and that it will probably work the next time, or the time after that. You are no different than most women. Having problems is not unique, it goes with the territory. If you're correct about him acting quiet, talk to him about it. If he's "unhappy" with you because it didn't work, that's another red flag. There were two of you involved, and any problems you had were due to BOTH of you, not just you.
Frustrated,
Hopefully you'll remember that sexual intimacy or even sexual intercourse should not be something to engage in unless you are really ready and really wanting it. Are you sure you were really ready and wanted this, or were you 'trying it out' and hoping to please/impress him as well?
If you're not ready, that alone could cause you and your body to not be comfortable with penetration. Being your first time, the issue of the hymen may surface too. Being nervous or just plain uncomfortable has been known to cause lack of natural lubrication as well.
Details will likely be discussed with all the replies you'll get, but not even my own wife will enjoy any part of sex if she is not really wanting it. So don't beat yourself up for how well or not so well things went. You did the right thing by stopping when you felt pain. Now the OTHER right thing you need to do is talking with your partner about what made you less comfortable, about what makes you nervous even right now, about what would make you enjoy more the next time.....talk with him, make certain he knows how your body works and that all is okay even if things don't go perfectly.
If you can't be intimate, open and comfortable with each other without intercourse, then that would be your first issue to resolve right there.
C H A R A C T E R
There is nothing more you should have done.
I think it was only a couple of minutes since he entered me that I told him there was pain. He probably got frustrated because I just told him before this that I wanted to do this. I thought I did. If the pain wasn't there, it probably would've been alright.
Edited 11/21/2005 4:33 pm ET by frustrated_12
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