female body hair fetish problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
female body hair fetish problem
9
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 11:50am

Up until two weeks ago, I was dating a very beautiful Spanish woman who really turned me on because I have this fetish for female body hair and she has a lot of it. She has hairy arms, a thick patch of pubic hair, and hair between her but cheeks. I know most people might think that's not sexy, but it is to me. She knew how much I got turned on by her hair and used to laugh about it. Our relationship was so good that I finally got up the courage to ask her something I had never asked anyone before. I asked if she would not shave her armpits for a month. I thought she would do it because she usually has armpit stubble anyways and I thought our relationship was strong enough for me to confide my secret desires to her. I was wrong. She dumped me before Christmas. We had been dating for eight months. Now she won't even answer my phone calls. She thinks it's too weird that I would ask for something like that.

Was I out of line to ask? I didn't pressure her when she said "no" and now I'm embarrassed that she will tell our mutual friends that I'm some kind of freak. Have any of you ever not shaved your armpits at the request of your boyfriend? Would you be offended if your boyfriend asked? Not a very happy new year for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 12:08pm

Hi Johnny and welcome to the board.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 1:38pm

A woman who's body is naturally hairy.....one who doesn't shave her armpits often is NOT going to just dump you out of the blue for asking her to let her armpit hair grow in. She may have dumped you, but it certainly wasn't for making that "request".

Your "fetish" might cause a problem with some women, but it didn't with this woman. Whatever the problem is, it's not your hair fetish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 4:17pm

My reflex would be to agree with everyone else, that "there was more to it than that", but looking back...sheesh, I'm not sure. My personal experience would lead me to believe you might be right.

I think a lot of women have a really strange hangup over underarm hair. Almost everything else seems to be "ok" to at least discuss (even if they say "no"), but this group absolutely finds underarm hair unacceptable. Long ago, and early partner and I were having a great time over a few days leasurely exploring /all/ parts of each others bodies. At one point, I noticed some underarm stubble, and made the mistake of mentioning the observation. She immediately slammed down her arms and ran off to the shower to shave. In our time together, she had shown me a number things that she had self-confidence issues with, but underarm hair was about the ultimate taboo, it seemed. I don't even think it was a self-confidence issue so much as it was just "wrong" in her mind. Anal sex? Shaving? THAT was ok to talk about (this was all before this stuff was routine topics of discussion). Underarm hair on a woman? NEVER! Weird.

Thinking back...I've had seven partners ...one usually was "natural" -- she was very embarassed when I found out about that, but the embarassment lasted about thirty seconds until she realized I was ok with it. One grew her hair out for me at my (very gentle) suggestion and actually had no problem with it ("though, I am shaving before I'm anywhere someone else could see it!"...and I was ok with that, it was for our enjoyment, not to flash it in the face of the rest fo the world). One routinely let herself get "hairy" from neglect, but was embarassed by my enjoyment of that. My GF now will let hers grow for a week as a treat for me...then ZIIIPP! Off it goes, in spite of her enjoying what I do with it when she lets it grow.

IF presented in a positive light, I don't think asking for her to let her underarms grow is any more out of line than any other request. Hopefully, she will realize this with time. And if she doesn't..you were probably going to run into other problems in the future with "unmentionable" topics.

As for what other people think, if people think you a freak for accepting a woman's body in its natural state, take pride in being called a freak. Just mutter something about "stooge of the cosmetic industry" under your breath, and ignore 'em. There are some people that the highest praise you can get from them is rejection. :)

Hang in there...sometimes having something happen other than what we wanted is the best possible outcome...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 8:58pm

How strange .... everytime I bring something up with my SO in writing, I check the boards and find the same (or similar topic!).

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 12:39am
Wow...I can't believe everyone believes there was more to the break up than the "hair question." But as far as I know, there isn't. Everything was going along fine in our relationship until that night. We had just finished decorating the Christmas tree together and were snuggled up on the couch drinking hot chocolate. All the lights were out, except for those on the Christmas tree, we were both laughing and smiling and entirely in a romantic mood, and she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told her that the only thing I wanted was her. She said she knew that, but what did I want for a present. That was when I finally got the courage to ask her not to shave her armpits for one month. She gave me the weirdest look I've ever seen from her and asked why I would want that. I told her I thought it would be sexy. She told me it was the weirdest thing she had ever been asked and kept looking at me like I was some kind of psycho. She asked me to take her home because she was getting a headache and needed to think about my request. She broke up with me by phone the next time I called her and hasn't returned any of my calls since. So now you have the whole story. If it was more than the "hair question," then I don't know what it was. But I definitely believe that was the reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 1:50am

I agree with you. I figured that it was about your request when I read your first post. I think that your request hit some sort of sensitive point with her. You said she was Spanish, but that covers so many different cultures and values that it doesn't tell me anything.

I think she has some sort of value in her background that made her view you as a degenerate of some sort when you asked your question. I think that women that are from the general American background wouldn't react that way. Some would try it, some wouldn't. Very few would react the way that she did.

That's about all anyone except her can say. And I would guess that she isn't going to talk to you no matter what. And if it's that upsetting to her, there's also a good chance that she won't tell anyone else what you asked her. Her friends may think that you're a degenerate, but they won't know what it's about. And hey, that COULD work in your favor if you ever ask one of them out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 7:10am

Well I can only speak for myself -- but please don't think we are doubting you or your story.


I believe you when you say that's the reason she gave.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 7:41am

I was going by your first post when you said the two of you were together for 8 months, it's hard for me to think that the only reason she would break it off with you is because of your request.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for down_to_earth24
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 9:49pm

I don't see what the big deal about body hair is. I haven't shaved my legs since September, maybe October. I can't remember the last time my armpits saw a razor, but it's been much longer than the legs.

I have better things to do than shave. I like me the way I am. My husband likes me the way I am. I was never big on shaving and the way I see it, it's society's way of trying to brainwash people about what is supposed to be sexy. That and I think it's a conspiracy theory with the razors and shaving cream companies. A friend once asked me how I could go without shaving. (It was summer and I was hanging out. Without thinking I did a modified sun salutation, to strech. I was wearing a sleevless shirt and she saw my armpits.) I told her I didn't think much of it. She seemed impressed. Some people think I'm weird, so what. We're all weird. That's what makes us all alike.

If she just upped and dumped you over something that minor, that's her problem. If Karma works, then the day will come when she sees you finds out your happy and regrets dumping you. It happened with two of my exes just months before my wedding. And one guy was supposedly with his wife. Ha ha. Sorry. Digressing.




Edited 1/3/2006 7:09 am ET by down_to_earth24