Fiance is unable to orgasm.. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fiance is unable to orgasm.. Help!
7
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 3:58pm
My fiance very rarely has orgasm from actual intercourse, and never from oral sex. The second part isn't really a probhlem, but the first definitely is. He has low testosterone, but this has been pretty much been ruled out as the cause even by his doctor, since he has no trouble giving himself an orgasm. We've been together 8 months, and he's had maybe a total of 5 orgasms during sex. And only three of them were anywhere near what he can give himself. I was wondering if anyone else has had any similar issues, and if so what you did. We'e been thinking about talking to some one, but right now we have no insurance, so any advice from someone who may have been in the situation and either had success on their own or got help from a professional. This problem has driven both my finace and I to tears on several occasions, so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 5:19pm
OK, so at least he can give them to himself. That's a start, and a huge clue: ask him if you can watch him masturbate. Learn to do it to him exactly like he does. E.g. for my last b/f I could not get him off with my hands: turned out I was doing it wrong, at least for him. He would use both hands, and one of his thumbs would be in line with it sticking off over the pee-hole, and pressing down hard on the head, while his other fingers underneath would apply firm upward pressure to the underside. The other hand was kind of just helping, but apparently providing key pressure -- he couldn't effectively masturbate one-handed but with both hands he could cum very quickly. Anyhow, sit behind him and learn to replicate it ... (it's wierd, after a while it's not gonna seem like "his" penis so much as both of yours!). When you understand how to make him cum very strongly with your hands (and it feels SO cool to feel the tube on the bottom pulsing as his semen shoots out, you will love it!), his brain will after a while more or less allow for him to more easily receive pleasure from you. I'd definitely try this -- I bet it will work, I really do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 6:03pm
First of all, HE has a problem. It has nothing to do with you, or what you do or don't do, and it has nothing to do with his feelings for you. He's been checked out by a doctor, and pronounced OK. He can masturbate to climax. There's NOTHING wrong with him physically....whatever it is, is mental/emotional. He's got some kind of hang up about it, and he's subconsciously holding it back. Maybe there's some abuse in his background. Maybe he's got "religious" hang ups about pre-marital sex. Maybe he's nervous, or scared of getting you pregnant.

There is NO point in allowing it to drive you both to tears. That won't fix anything. The BEST thing you can do is to STOP making an issue out of it. The harder he tries, the worse it will be. It's called a "self-fulfilling prophecy". He's so worried that it won't happen, that of course, it's not going to happen, because he's worrying instead of enjoying. It's EXACTLY the same reasons some women never have orgasms.

Even if he doesn't reach climax, he IS enjoying intercourse, or oral stimulation. If he can't finish, then just let it go, and let him finish himself. If you just try to relax about it, and let HIM relax about it, it will happen eventually. The more you carry on about it, the longer it will continue.

Relax, enjoy the pleasures you're both having, and let him finish however he has to. That's the key to success.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 6:09pm
I answered your post under Health Issues below.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 6:24pm
That's well said. Some guys like to finish themselves off with their hand in any case. To the OP, I say, maybe just blend that into the whole thing ... or even make it really hot and when he's inside you tell him you want him to pull out and cum all over you. I mean it matters not a whit what the method is as long as he gets off, right? There won't be a whole lot of sadness, methinks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 6:31pm
I have a question for you.

If a man has prolonged sex and doesn't ejaculate, is he satified, or frustrated?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 6:44pm
Yes, a man can be satisfied if

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 9:52pm
Although men may sometimes have a decoupling of orgasm and ejaculation (retrograde ejacutalation where the semen goes into the bladder, and perhaps some other circumstances) normaly ejaculation and orgasm occur together in men. Assuming that you mean orgasm, I can only really answer from my own experience. The answer is no. I have had a few occasions where I could not cum. I felt frustrated.

-phat.