The first time

Avatar for new2dis
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2013
The first time
5
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 6:50pm

Should I be in love with the guy for my first time and does it really hurt? Embarassed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 10:43pm

Hi. How old are you? IMO, it's much better for a woman to wait until she is in a solid relationship before giving it up. As to pain and discomfort, there are tricks to minimize these.

Avatar for new2dis
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2013
Thu, 10-10-2013 - 9:00am
I'm like 18. What are these tricks and I really like the guy but don't know if it's the same for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Thu, 10-10-2013 - 2:49pm
Sex involves a lot more than just the physical acts. It can awaken major emotions in both men and women and it is (IMHO) not a good idea to try to separate the physical from the emotional. If you think you have a solid long term relationship with this guy, while I would caution against, it might work out. If you don't have that type of relationship established already, don't try to use sex to establish that type of relationship. Remember: If he really cares for you as a person and a potential partner, he will wait. CH
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 12:49pm

What's the hurry?  Love is an ephemerial thing......you can like a person a lot, and at 18 you might think it's love.  For true love, you have to know the person for a long time, and know everything about him, including his bad habits.  Most guys in the age range that you would date are interested in sex, not in relationships.  Having sex with a guy does NOT insure that there will be a relationship.  And unless you're on b/c pills, and you take them properly every day, whenever you have sex you risk getting pregnant, even if you use a condom.  Being a single mother is NOT fun, especially at 18 or 19.  And most guys at that age are not ready to be a father.

Does sex hurt?  Yes, probably if neither of you is experienced.  The act of sex is a lot more than intercourse, and if he (or you) doesn't understand foreplay, it will probably hurt some.  For most people.......the first time for sex is something they'd rather forget.    As the other poster said, if he is pushing you to have sex, and he really likes you a lot, he will wait until you're ready, even if it's six months or a year. Some people actually wait for marriage!   If he won't wait, or if he says "if you love me you will let me do it".....then tell him "if you love me, you will wait until I'm ready".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2014
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 11:33am

I was 20 when I first had sex, and was not in love at all. It was with a good friend, someone I trusted (and still do trust). It was never about love, or emotion, or anything like that, it was pure sex.
It was slightly painful, but nothing to write home about. Do I regret it? Not at all. I'm glad I waited until I was old enough and mature enough to understand what it would do to me, and not just in a physical way.
Until recently, I've never had sex while in a relationship with someone, it's always been a casual thing. Now that I'm with my boyfriend, I can tell you that there is a definite different between just sex, and sex when you're in a loving, committed relationship.
I can't tell you to wait, or to go for it, but I will tell you that what I have with my boyfriend is a lot better than what I've had in the past.
Knowing that he truly loves and cares about me makes me let go a little more, trust a little more, and enjoy myself fully.
The one thing I will definitely say to you is this: if you're not sure, don't do it. It's not something you can ever undo, especially if you end up pregnant, or with an STI.