First Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
First Time
2
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 10:18am
I was recently married in August to a wonderful guy and whenever we have sex
it is very painful. My husband has been so patient with me and I feel so bad.
I was not sexually active before I got married so technically, I'm still a virgin.
Can anyone give me some advice on how to fix this problem?
Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: birdienklicky
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 1:03pm

There are lots of reasons for painful sex. It could be not enough foreplay. It could be that plus the fact that you're nervous, and every time you try and it hurts, it just makes you MORE nervous. Barring any physical problems, the main thing you and your husband can do is to learn what makes a woman's body "work", take lots of time for foreplay so that you're relaxed, and well lubricated. Sometimes a beginner, just because they ARE nervous need to use additional lubrication, something made for sexual purposes like KY or Astroglide. But, even that won't help if you're nervous. For sex to be successful, you have to be relaxed so that your vaginal muscles will relax too. If they don't, you'll be tight, and you'll be in pain.

Maybe your husband isn't experienced enough to know how important foreplay is. Both of you need to check out www.the-clitoris.com and learn how a man can get a woman aroused enough to have intercourse. Foreplay itself can be very sexually satisfying, but you both have to know what to do and how to do it. That website will explain a lot.

Last but not least, have you seen a gynecologist? Every woman should have a gyno exam once a year, and if you haven't done that yet, then please do. It's very unlikely that anything physical is wrong with you, but a good exam is important to your health, and you can tell the doctor about your problems, and he/she can advise you, too.

Despite the fact that sex should be "natural" and easy for everyone, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes, it takes time to figure it out. Try to relax, and you know that if it hurts, he'll stop, and you'll try again another time. It will work out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: birdienklicky
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 2:15pm
Just echoing everything Dakine said.

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