First Time Complications...Need Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
First Time Complications...Need Advice!
6
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:32pm

Ok. You may think I am crazy and honestly I am not too happy about this either. So here goes. I am engaged and have been with my fiance' almost 2 yrs. No, we havent had sex. We want to, of course. But I just cant take the pain. I am a virgin. He is not. Therefore the pain is unbearable,not to mention his very large member, which doesnt help things very much. I know people have pains their first time. But this pain is so unbearable and makes me cry everytime. Now I can take pain pretty well. But not this. We've thought of everything but nothing seems to work or sounds worth trying. I want to get this over. I'm ready to move up to the next step. So please, anyone that can give useful and helpful advice, anything at all. I greatly would appreciate it.

--sincerely,
---desperate fiancee'--
p.s. my email is mrs.dishon@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:48pm

If you're getting a lot of foreplay, your well aroused and lubricated and it's that painful, have you talked to your gyno about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 5:13pm

Maybe you are too tense and worried about the pain that you are not lubricated enough.

Have you tried a lube?

You say he's big but how big is this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 5:17pm

Welcome to the board mrs.dishon.

As Tish said, if everything is working right and the conditions are right, there shouldn't be such pain with your first time. Is there a chance that you're nervous about it hurting and thus tensing up?

Maybe if you try a position that puts you in control, like woman on top, you will be able to guide things and not worry so much that there will be pain. You need to be aroused and well lubricated before he enters you. While you can add more lube, your arousal is still very important. There's a great website, www.the-clitoris.com that you might want to take a look at.

If you are trying everything the right way, and there is still pain, you definitely need to schedule an appointment with your gyn. There are some conditions that can make intercourse painful, so you need to rule them out as well during your visit with the doctor.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 9:08pm
In the movie Kinsey, Mrs. Kinsey had an "extra thick hymen" and Mr. Kinsey had a large member which made sex impossibly painful. She went to the doctor and they fixed the problem for her, just basically did a quick snip and broke it open for her. Sex after that was quite pleasurable. It was a movie, yes, but it was based off of the life story of the real Dr. Kinsey. I don't know if that helps any, but it was my first thought when reading your post. You should definitely talk to your gyno about it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2007
Mon, 09-03-2007 - 3:23am
I can relate to you. I have been scared of this too when I got married. Did not have intercourse for a couple of months (IMAGINE). I was also scared to hear the horror stories of blood coming out with bursting of hymen etc. Guess what? Nothing hideous happened. We just fooled around for quite soem time, until I was all aroused, I was wet like anything, nipples erect, breasts standing up. We tried WOT but for the first time, I think it does not give the required amount of thrusr so jsut felt uncomfortable. Then I trusted on my DH and left caution to the winds. Slowly and steadily he opened his way in - no pain, no nothing (no bleeding even ,in my case but then I am a runner) only immesne joy. I orgasmed a minute later (didn't even know it was an orgasm... imagine!) But it was lovely. Can't forget the feeling. Relax, don't worry and enjoy your DH! You sure are missing out on good stuff. There was just a little soreness but that went away in hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 8:59am
Any updates, mrs dishon?