First time nerves

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
First time nerves
6
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 6:10pm
How nervous were you the first time you had intercourse? And is there any way to not be nervous at all and totally relax?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 08-12-2005 - 9:13pm

My first time I wasn't nervous at all, he was


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 12:02am

Unless you're not sure you should be doing it, there's no reason to BE nervous. And if you're not sure, then don't do it. Don't do it because your partner wants you to.....only do it if YOU want to. Nervousness, and not being relaxed makes it difficult, and not a very pleasant experience. Nervousness makes you tight, and dry....and it can be painful. If you're well lubricated, and well aroused and relaxed, it should be a good experience.

Also, since you're specifying "intercourse", then hopefully, you've done other things together, you're familiar with each other's bodies, and there won't be any big surprises. If you haven't done any touching or fondling......haven't been "naked" together, then you should do those things for a while before attempting intercourse. If you HAVE been doing those other things (known as foreplay), then intercourse shouldn't be a big deal....it's just one more sexual thing to do, and nothing to be nervous about. Get on a good method of birth control & either both of you get tested, or use condoms, and you won't have to worry about pregnancy or diseases.

Just remember, when in doubt, don't. I've never heard anyone say they're sorry they waited, but LOTS of women say they're sorry they DIDN'T wait.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 12:21am
I agree - as long as you are comfortable with the person you are with, there is every reason to be optimistic that your first time will be memorable. My first time was with someone who was not a virgin, so I was comforted in the knowledge that he knew what he was doing (we had already done a lot of stuff before we finally got to intercourse). However, I was still apprehensive about my performance, and what to do, blah blah blah...I guess that's what contributed to my nervousness. Frankly, I think you need to be comfortable with your partner and yourself; nothing will help if you are not. You know yourself best, don't compromise if you're not fully comfortable. As far as your question "is there any way not to be nervous?", I don't personally think so, because having sex for the first time seems like something where there will always be nervousness. Try to relax as much as you can. The only thing that I can say is if you don't worry too much about "what do I do?" or "Shoot, he's looking at my thighs/butt/hips", then you should be alright. That's the biggest problem for us women...and also, if he's done it before, then hopefully he'll be able to guide you well enough and in time, you will comfortable :-)
Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 9:38am

I personally feel the only way to "not" be nervous is to go that nervous stage first. Honestly, its a whole new experience and there is NO certainty of what to expect, both physically as well as the response of the other partner.

I would think that being nervous is just THAT natural and am not sure there is really any NEED to not be nervous. If its true love, then just let the butterflies fly and let it all happen. Its the most fantastic intimate union, so let it be what it will the first time; DON'T expect or demand perfection. Let the first time be a "hello" to each other's bodies and extra step in that relationship and THEN let the enjoyment just "grow" more and more after that.

We all have our different aspects on it, but thats one right there that quite a few of us share anyway.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 11:06am
Actually I was lucky, I wasn’t nervous at all, but then again I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart and best friend, but we waited till college. We now say our first kiss was more uncomfortable. Sex was just natural to us. Also we dated for years before we had sex, I think it made our relationship much stronger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 8:04pm

We were already doing everything but intercourse when I had my first experience. I was completely ready to take the relationship to the next level and had no regrets at all. Lucky for me, my partner was more experienced and was very gentle. I knew I could trust him and it just felt right to be with him.


One way to relax is to get to know the other person well enough that you're comfortable in the situation. Another is depending on your age, have a drink. I have to admit though, I was 16 when I had intercourse and I was high on hormones. LOL!