First time sex?????
Find a Conversation
First time sex?????
| Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:44pm |
I think most of us were once concerned about the "first time sex" experience...and I'm one of the newbies...What was it like the first time you had sex? Did you bleed if you were a virgin? How was it like? Does it really hurt? I'm very eager to know. I've been with my bf for 3 months and I really love him. We've talked about sex, and knowing that he had 2 previous partners, I feel like I should ask him tested for STD...but I don't know how to start conversations like this~! I feels so awkward...does that mean I'm not ready for sex yet just because of the fact that I'm a first timer?
Please help~!!!
Please help~!!!

My wife actually never discussed 'her' first time at any length, but with whatever info she DID give, she didn't mention any concern about pain or bleeding, so its still true as always that different women respond differently with different guys. This website...
http://www.the-clitoris.com/
...has proven to be a Godsend according to so many women, especially those with inquiries , so please take the time to take a peak. Its almost guaranteed to answer those physical questions exactly like yours and theres so much more to learn there too. Theres also a brother site to this one about men's sexual anatomy. If you get time, try to check it out, always helps to learn everything you can about your partner's anatomy as well. Keep reading the different message boards here on ivillage regarding sex, but please keep posting more questions if you have them, theres too much valuable insight from your peers and supportive community here to miss out on. :)
As beginners, we were and always encouraged to wear protection REGARDLESS of the test results for STDs, so please keep that in mind as you read more. Testing for diseases is still not a 100% perfect system, and wearing protection has been reported to have its rare failures throughout history as well, but doubling your protection is the best way to go in my and a great many's opinion. Talking with your doctor in confidence is always the best choice as well. Please consider it seriously. Feeling awkward about discussing his STD status is perfectly natural in my opinion, but in NO WAY does that mean you should avoid discussing it. I'm sure there may be much better advice from more experienced females on the subject, but from my experience, lady Para, before she became Mrs. Para, just flat out asked when we first discussed sex at length. If you communicate well with this great guy of yours, then I suspect he'll do his part too to keep you from feeling too uncomfortable expressing your concerns. ;)
Way too many different and even likely valid points of view on when you're ready or not. My preaching abstinence to the younger generation in mentor groups only goes so far, LOL, but they're either too far in love or they just can't wait. Honey, if you CAN wait, then perhaps it'd help to ask yourself why you wouldn't wait for the relationship to be that much closer and stronger. As mentioned on many posts here, sex is either for fun or for expression of true love or for both. Its not something that is NEEDED in a loving relationship in my honest opinion. Lady Para and I were committed for years before we even first kissed each other...so you DO have options worth thinking about.
Just two cents from the married side. Please keep reading and check out the different resources as well, lots of helpful info and advice just waiting to be read. :)
Good luck to you. Keep posting so we know how you're doin'.
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
First time sex is different for everyone. It helps a lot to understand your body, and have a man that understands female bodies. Just because he's had two partners, doesn't mean he knows anything about how to give a woman pleasure. It really should NOT hurt if you're relaxed (from foreplay) and well lubricated. Lubrication is the key, and everyone is nervous the first time, and when you're nervous, you don't lubricate well. Go out and buy some KY Jelly, or some other lubricant, and USE it liberally the first few times. If it hurts, then STOP, because you're not ready to proceed. Not everyone bleeds, and if they do, it shouldn't be anything more than spotting for a few hours. Once you're sexually active, every woman should see their gyno annually for a check up and a pap smear. It wouldn't hurt for you to make an appointment now, to get checked out, and discuss a more reliable form of birth control than condoms.
Check out the website that Para recommended, and have your boyfriend read it too. Talk about it together. Make sure you're really doing the right thing, relax, and it will be fine.
First time sex for everyone is different.
Another concern: Would it be a nice idea to go with him having him tested for STD? So I can have a better understanding of his hygiene? Or would my action make him losing trust in me?