First time sex?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
First time sex?????
7
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:44pm
I think most of us were once concerned about the "first time sex" experience...and I'm one of the newbies...What was it like the first time you had sex? Did you bleed if you were a virgin? How was it like? Does it really hurt? I'm very eager to know. I've been with my bf for 3 months and I really love him. We've talked about sex, and knowing that he had 2 previous partners, I feel like I should ask him tested for STD...but I don't know how to start conversations like this~! I feels so awkward...does that mean I'm not ready for sex yet just because of the fact that I'm a first timer?

Please help~!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:28am
Well, my first time experience happened to not be a pleasurable one. I was not with the right guy. He pressured me into it and i was nervous about not being able to do it correct or things like this. I was in fact with him for around 3 months as well and i could never talk to him about sex or anything related to getting tested because he had two parters before as well. I couldnt be open with him and wasnt comforatable discussing such a topic with him. When i had sex i did not bleed because my hymen was already broken probubly from the consistant amount of horseback riding i do, a hymen can be broken doing a lot of everyday things. It was painful for a few seconds but not as bad as people have said, i suppose its different with everyone. Have you engaged in other activities with your bf such as him stimulating you with his hands as in fingering as well? This will help if you vagina is a bit tight. About asking your bf about this topic, you should be open with him and be able to discuss these things freely. I regret what i did and wished i had found the right guy i could share this moment with. So go ahead hun and strike up the convo about having sex again and eventually during this bring up the topic of if he will get tested or not because if he loves you and respects what you would like he will get it done and that is some cheers for him! Dont be afraid and give it a go because being afraid wont help, you love him and if you open with him you first time experience will be wonderful together. Good luck girl! Sorry for all the going on but i hope this really helps! maybe some of my conrads can give you some more helpful info!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 2:55am
Check out all the responses on the
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 5:06am
Hi Honey! Glad you posted this here, and hopefully the replies you'll get will make you glad too. ;)

My wife actually never discussed 'her' first time at any length, but with whatever info she DID give, she didn't mention any concern about pain or bleeding, so its still true as always that different women respond differently with different guys. This website...

http://www.the-clitoris.com/

...has proven to be a Godsend according to so many women, especially those with inquiries , so please take the time to take a peak. Its almost guaranteed to answer those physical questions exactly like yours and theres so much more to learn there too. Theres also a brother site to this one about men's sexual anatomy. If you get time, try to check it out, always helps to learn everything you can about your partner's anatomy as well. Keep reading the different message boards here on ivillage regarding sex, but please keep posting more questions if you have them, theres too much valuable insight from your peers and supportive community here to miss out on. :)

As beginners, we were and always encouraged to wear protection REGARDLESS of the test results for STDs, so please keep that in mind as you read more. Testing for diseases is still not a 100% perfect system, and wearing protection has been reported to have its rare failures throughout history as well, but doubling your protection is the best way to go in my and a great many's opinion. Talking with your doctor in confidence is always the best choice as well. Please consider it seriously. Feeling awkward about discussing his STD status is perfectly natural in my opinion, but in NO WAY does that mean you should avoid discussing it. I'm sure there may be much better advice from more experienced females on the subject, but from my experience, lady Para, before she became Mrs. Para, just flat out asked when we first discussed sex at length. If you communicate well with this great guy of yours, then I suspect he'll do his part too to keep you from feeling too uncomfortable expressing your concerns. ;)

Way too many different and even likely valid points of view on when you're ready or not. My preaching abstinence to the younger generation in mentor groups only goes so far, LOL, but they're either too far in love or they just can't wait. Honey, if you CAN wait, then perhaps it'd help to ask yourself why you wouldn't wait for the relationship to be that much closer and stronger. As mentioned on many posts here, sex is either for fun or for expression of true love or for both. Its not something that is NEEDED in a loving relationship in my honest opinion. Lady Para and I were committed for years before we even first kissed each other...so you DO have options worth thinking about.

Just two cents from the married side. Please keep reading and check out the different resources as well, lots of helpful info and advice just waiting to be read. :)

Good luck to you. Keep posting so we know how you're doin'.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 7:01am
If you can talk to him about sex, which you say you have, then there's no reason you can't bring up STD's at the same time. STD's are a fact of life, and they're out there. Condoms do NOT protect you from all diseases, and they don't protect you 100% from pregnancy, either. Even if he used condoms with his other partners, that doesn't mean he's "safe". Most diseases have no symptoms in males, so there's NO WAY to know he's disease free except with a test. Maybe that seems a bit fanatic, but it's better than finding out later that you've got herpes, or chlamydia, or HPV. If he cares about you, he'll be willing to get tested. If he won't get tested, then I'd wonder how much he does care for you.

First time sex is different for everyone. It helps a lot to understand your body, and have a man that understands female bodies. Just because he's had two partners, doesn't mean he knows anything about how to give a woman pleasure. It really should NOT hurt if you're relaxed (from foreplay) and well lubricated. Lubrication is the key, and everyone is nervous the first time, and when you're nervous, you don't lubricate well. Go out and buy some KY Jelly, or some other lubricant, and USE it liberally the first few times. If it hurts, then STOP, because you're not ready to proceed. Not everyone bleeds, and if they do, it shouldn't be anything more than spotting for a few hours. Once you're sexually active, every woman should see their gyno annually for a check up and a pap smear. It wouldn't hurt for you to make an appointment now, to get checked out, and discuss a more reliable form of birth control than condoms.

Check out the website that Para recommended, and have your boyfriend read it too. Talk about it together. Make sure you're really doing the right thing, relax, and it will be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 8:08am

First time sex for everyone is different.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 9:48pm
Well I waited till I was 20 to give my viginity up, so I would be able to handle my choice better and more maturely. I also dated my bf at the time for a year before I told him I was ready, beacause I felt if he could wait a year he he must think I'm worth the wait and he obviously respected me to wait that long. He also made sure I was completely sure about my decision before we did the deed. Then he did something weird, he made me get on top. Now being my first time I was clueless on what to do and always thought the man took the initiative for a girls first time. But it was great, it didn't hurt much, I didn't bleed at all, and I felt completely in control and that it was my decision. I didn't feel he was taking advantage of me which could have happened if he was on top. So my best advice, is make sure you are mature enough to handle the situation, think of how you would feel if things didn't work out in the long run, but best hopes that they will of course. And let him let you be on top, take control so you feel completely comfortable. It's your first time and you'll have plenty more experiences for toher postions. Take this one for you! Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 12:31am
Thanks for your advices...it's great to have someone else sharing their experiences on the board. Well, my bf and I have had a few foreplays and just a bit more than a week ago was the first time he tried inserting his finger in me...it didn't go all the way, because I did hurt a little (feeling like a sharp point pinching)...was I just too nervous? I read that just by inserting anything inside you(not necessary his private part) will give away your virginity, is that true?

Another concern: Would it be a nice idea to go with him having him tested for STD? So I can have a better understanding of his hygiene? Or would my action make him losing trust in me?