first time...help..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
first time...help..
5
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:50am
am still a virgin and reserved. however there is this guy I keep seing at the office. we talk on a professional level. I want to have sex with this guy with no strings attached- just someone to have sex with when I need a fix. i keep thinking about him doing it to me. how can I get him in bed without being forward. Any ideas...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 10:55am

:: how can I get him in bed without being forward. Any ideas...

How about taking it slow and asking if he would like to go out for a drink after work. Considering that you must know he is single (no ring) he might be in a relationship or he might be gay... The more out of office conversation you have with him the better you will know how he feels about FWB (friends with benefits) type thing.

I tried the FWB thing for a while -- but I wanted more -- a real relationship and having a woman for only the FWB thing did not do it for me. Sounds sort of strange (maybe) coming from a guy -- but I wanted a the real relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:20am

Welcome sexydiva15.

It's a fairly bold step to want to go from being a virgin to have sex with no strings attached. You are indicating that you want to have a "boy toy", and that may all be well and good -- but you have to be able to be "forward" to have that kind of relationship successfully. You should think about what kind of sexual experience you would like to have. Being with a partner that doesn't have an emotional involvement is rarely the most satisfying type of sexual experience.

I agree that asking him if he interested in going out for drinks one evening is a good idea. You will probably be able to relax a bit, see if he has any interest, and then let him know what you are thinking. Your thoughts (as you speak them to him) don't have to be about him -- they could just be "I'm thinking I want to find a boy toy". See how he reacts and that should guide you about whether you want to proceed with the conversation further. Who knows, you might end up right where you want to be. If you let him know in a joking manner, then you probably don't risk as much humiliation should he not be interested.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:18pm

You say "still" a virgin. How old are you? There's no time limit on virginity, and you might be very surprised to learn that sex with a virtual stranger is WAY less than a "fix". Sex without emotions is rarely that great. First time sex WITH emotions isn't usually fantastic, either.

Why not save it for a time when you're in a good relationship with a caring partner....it'll be a lot better that way.

Also, very few women are even capable of "no strings" sex. We're not wired that way. We SAY no strings, but then get upset when they don't call....or don't respect us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 4:44pm
Is your virginity a burden to you? What's the rush? You are in possesion of a gift that you can only give away once! Sakura2006 is so right on this, give your virginity to someone special who will treat you special.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 9:11pm
A lot of people gave really great advice to you already but I am gonna give you my advice too. It is obvious that you find your coworker attractive, how about instead of no strings attatched sex think about going on a few dates with him? Sex (for the first time) can be really emotional and you might want to share that with someone you really care about and who cares about you. Someone who won't think twice about not calling you and someone who will respect you. I have also heard that sex can make you more emotionally attatched to a man and if it was strictly no strings, you may be left feeling lonely or empty. Just consider the options before rushing into things. Oh and you shouldnt feel pressured to loose your virginity just because all your friends/coworkers whoever is talking about it has. Good luck!
~Jamie