found boyfriend's porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
found boyfriend's porn
2
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:07pm

I am in a serious relationship (I think I might get a proposal soon), and my boyfriend is a terrific guy, but when I was alone in his apt. this morning, I found 3 issues of Playboy in his magazune rack (next to the couch -- they weren't hidden or anything). This really bothers me and hurts my feelings. I then went through his bedroom (not so nice, I know) and found exactly what I thought I might -- 2 boxes of Playboys. Every issue for probably 10 years or so. He has a subscription, and it didn't stop when he met me. The ones in the magazine rack were current. I don't have a problem with porn persay -- what other people do doesn't bother me, and he has told me that he looked at Playboys as a kid, which doesn't bother me; he didn't know me then. But it bothers me a lot that he looks at them now. I can't compete with those women, and even if I could, I don't like to think of him fantasizing about other women. It makes me feel like I am not enough. I know I need to discuss this with him, but the question is what to say that won't just make him defensive and probably cause him to just hide them better and lie. And the other issue is if he won't stop, is this worth drawing a line in the sand over? I suppose only I can decide if it's worth that to me. Anyway, it really makes me sad, and I am just interested in what others think. I wil talk to him tonight, so I will have to bring it up then (or just be angry without telling him why, which seems silly and not nice.) Thanks for any input!

--Brigid

Brigid, 42 yrs. old, daughter born 2002, Pregnant! Due date Jan. 6, 2012 Son born Dec. 29! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:16pm

I personally am not offended my porn of any kind, be it playboy or something more hard core. I am sure that your bf had other girlfriends before you and he didn't stop getting them when he was with them either. And why should he have to cancel playboy because he has a girlfriend. My bf was working on one of his rental houses and found some porn magazines in the walls and told me that he looked at them. I didn't care. In fact the next time I was at that house with him, I asked where they were and looked at them myself.

I guess just tell him they make you feel bad. But my personal opinion is that you are making too big of an issue out of this.

If porn is getting in that way of a person's sex life (ie not wanting to have sex with one's bf/gf) then I think it is problem. Otherwise, I don't think it is.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 5:10pm

I think your plan to talk with him is a good one. While he may not agree to give up the Playboys, he needs to know how you feel about them. He probably thinks that you're okay with it since you've never expressed any feeling to the contrary.

But there's not much you can do to stop him from finding other women, in mags, videos, or in person, attractive. He'll continue noticing them forever, just as we notice other men. But that's all it is, noticing.

This is a subject that needs to be discussed before marriage though.