friend sex
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friend sex
| Fri, 06-09-2006 - 2:10am |
hey everyone! i'm new to this board. i see someone asked a similiar question but i had to ask it again. one of my best friends is a guy. i met him over a year ago and we've been good friends the whole time. we both do not have any feelings for each other.i think if we dated each other we would probably wind up killing each other. we both are single and are having a very hard time finding dates. we are both looking for serious relationship but can't find the right person so it's been very lonely in the meantime. well after getting really drunk at a holiday party we had sex. i couldn't believe it happened but it did. anyways nothing was weird after. we both laughed about it and nothing changed. well it's been a long time and we both still haven't met anyone. is it wrong to turn to each other every so often? i know it won't change anything or feeling will develop but i feel guilty if i were to ever be in a relationship i wouldn't want to tell my boyfriend about it because i still want to keep my best friend. of course nothing would ever happen once we are both in relationships. any thoughts on the situation?

That's called "Friends with benefits"....and it rarely works. Why? Because you're a woman. Women can't have sex without developing feelings. Eventually, you will develop feelings, and then you'll start "expecting" things from him.....like being available to you whenever you want him to be. Like wondering why he doesn't call you very often, only when he's looking for some action. Like being "hurt" if he has a date. Like being ignored if he finds himself a relationship.
It's also a good way to lose a relationship. You can rarely go back to "friends" after being "lovers".
Also, if you're involved with him you'll be "content", and you won't be out looking for a real "relationship".
It's your choice. Sex isn't a "necessity" of life, but good friends are.
>> Women can't have sex without developing feelings. <<
We are all different, and although this is true for many women, there are plenty of women who can have sex without developing romantic feelings. I think it really depends on the woman and how easily she gets attached. I have had numerous friends with benefits relationships that were mutually satisfying, and others where the guy got attached while I didn't. Of course, I have also had encounters where I wanted more from the relationship than the guy, but I usually knew that from the beginning, it didn't just turn that way after we had sex.
It can work, but I think it is important not to make it a substitute for a real relationship. It should be the type of thing where you occasionally meet up but continue to search for someone you have more romantic feelings for. I believe when our sexual energy is not completely pent up we are less irritable and uptight and thus more attractive to others.
JMHO
You're right, I should have qualified that with a "most". I think most of us can have "casual" sex, knowing it's going nowhere, or even "one night stands", but when it's an ongoing thing, feelings will usually develop.
Also, when someone is asking the question in the first place, chances are that they're already "interested" in the guy, but he hasn't made any moves....and they seem to think if they bring sex into the "equation".....they'll "get" him. Nothing could be further from the truth. He's thinking, "WOW, sex with no obligations".....and she's thinking, "NOW I've got him".
I think maturity has a lot to do with it, also. Young women are looking for "Mr.Right" and older women are more pragmatic....and can see it for what it is.....a "relationship" that's going nowhere.
>>is it wrong to turn to each other every so often?<<
No. You're both single and it's not hurting anyone. It's as right or as wrong as you want to feel about it.
As the others have said though, usually one person starts to develop feelings for the other and things turn to custard in the end. If you think that you'd get the slightest bit jealous about him meeting another woman or blowing you off because he's met someone then this is not for you. Likewise, if you think that he might get upset or peculiar because you met someone else then don't do it.
>>i know it won't change anything<<
Sorry to say but it DOES change things. Maybe not now, but when you or him get another b/f or g/f then it WILL change things. And if you do go ahead with having sex regularly then things will change even more.
>>but i feel guilty if i were to ever be in a relationship i wouldn't want to tell my boyfriend about it because i still want to keep my best friend.<<
I think that would be a very, very big mistake to hide a secret like that. If I ever found out that my wife had slept regularly with one of her male friends and didn't tell me because she wanted to keep the friendship with him then I would think very very hard about dumping her. A secret like that is not something that you should be hiding from a serious b/f. How would you feel if you found out that your b/f had regularly and frequently had sex with one of his female friends but both of them "forgot" to tell you that they had been doing that at one stage?