Friends with benefits

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Friends with benefits
12
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 4:10pm

I have a question about Friends with Benefits. I am a single woman who just turned 30. I m in my sexual prime. I can feel it :-) However, I am at a stage in life where I don't have time to get involved with anyone. I want to focus on my school, career etc. However, I am noticing my human desires taking over sometimes and I have come to realize that I am a healthy sexual woman entering her prime. Picking up men for one night stand in a bar doesn't appeal to me to for two reasons. One is too much hassles for little gain but most of all, safety is a big concern of mine.

I have a male friend who I have had sex with in the past. We have had a great time. He is in a similar situation as me. Too busy to get involved. We have always joked and flirted. I get a feeling he is looking for the same thing but is afraid to approach me about it, incase, I get offended and lose my friendship over it. I guess he is trying to be a gentleman. Its a touchy situation and hard to approach.

We have talked and flirted about sex from time to time. I can sense that he is definately interested in having sex with me and so am I. Interested in having sex with him again.

Here is my question, I would like to ask him or proposition him if we can be friends with benefits. Do you think its okay to do so? I definately realize that this will be friends with benefits as the name suggests and nothing more.

Also, I have never had that kind of a relationship with anyone. Do they work?

Thanks!!

8-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:53pm
Sometimes me and my best guy friend sleep with eachother. Alot actually. We have never talked about it prior to doing it and we dont call ourselves friends with benefits. After its not weird at all and we dont even really bring it up. Its kinda just being there for eachother in the moment. I think if you want to sleep with him, let him know... but if you dont want a relationship with him then dont ask if he wants to be your friend with benefits becuase technically that is a kind of relationship and its not as free and easy going as you think. I had a FWB back in the day but he later became my boyfriend becuase we couldnt seem to not treat eachother that way, I loved being with him as his girlfriend but obviously the FWB thing didnt work out. I say if you want to sleep with him and he wants you too, thats sweet, just keep it casual and see how it goes. That way no ones feelings gets hurt and nothing more will progress from it, especially if you dont have time for anything. Ok thats my 2 cents. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 6:54pm
dont do it, dont do it, dont do it, dont do it. trust me it just gets dramatic and overly messy. one of the parties involved will get emotionally attached and that just messes everything up. friends with benifits doesnt work, it will only leave one of the people involved hurt. eventually it will have to end and that will ruin the friendship, trust me. i ended up having a relationship with my friend with benifits, but he was never fully there or committed because his feelings for me as a friend outweighed his liking me as more, and nothing was ever clear it was too complicated. and now ive been dumped for another girl. friends with benifits is just passing the time until something better comes along, and thats not fair. my advice is if you value not getting hurt and your friendship then dont do it.

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