Friends with benefits
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Friends with benefits
| Sat, 01-22-2005 - 9:29pm |
What do you guys think about freinds with benefits,(no strings attached, good clean fun)? Or having two friends with benefits who both know about eachother and don't care?

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I know of one case were fwb worked. Both were divorced and on the dating scene, in fact they met on an online dating site. They liked each other fair enough and really enjoyed the sex they had together, but they wanted more and decided to continue looking. But while looking they did the fwb thing.
I know it works for them, but I can't truly understand it. I tie too much emotion and romance to anything remotely sexual. I couldn't do it without emotional ramifications.
Well, it's certainly your right to choose this type of arrangement with a friend, but it was never for me personally. As corny as it may sound to some...sex, for me, is something special I share only with the man I love.
And I see no point in having sex with a friend since, as I said in my original post, it would be like kissing my brother! I need the emotional connection and trust of a man who feels the same way I do, to fully enjoy sex. Otherwise, what's the point?
My friends were always just my friends and my lover, my lover. There was no blurring of the lines like that. I never wanted to invite complications and confusion into my life, there was always enough as it was!
I've never wanted, or needed, to have sex with someone, just to satisfy a physical need. So, my choice was to take care of my own needs and keep my friends close for emotional support, until I was ready to pursue a real relationship again.
And frankly, expecting someone to adhere to set rules in a very tricky arrangement like this isn't realistic for most people. Bonds and affections tend to grow over time and there is no guarentee that one, or both, won't be hurt and destroy the friendship, even with all the guidelines.
Edited 1/24/2005 5:35 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
To me she was not loking for any thing from these men except sex...She was giving relationships a break, still back peddling from the bad break up. I also think she was trying to prove to herself that she was a desirable woman, (to bolster her self esteem)
I do feel she was trying to have sex to forget, and was trying to bury the pain.
All wrong reasons to become promiscous in my book.
She is now very much into relationship sex only. She has a great self esteem and to behave like she did in the past when she was younger, would be soooo out of character for her now.
I agree, it's too bad she couldn't build her self esteem in some other, more healthy way. I think when women stop basing their self worth on how men view them, they'll be less inclined to make such risky choices. It's just not worth it, IMO.
And I have to wonder how I would have viewed my DH if he had had these types of arrangements with friends in the past. I know how he feels about it though! I guess if you're both are on the same page, it's doable, but it tends to make sex look like a convenience more than anything else. And I'm not sure how conducive that is to making the next real partner feel special, much less secure!
Edited 1/27/2005 2:25 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
I was involved in a FWB situation for a while. I grew to dread it. A lady friend would drop by my apartment 3-4 times a week. We would have sex, and she would tell me how much she didn't want me to be more involved in her life. For all of the reasons stated in this thread, I recommend against it. Sex is more than just the physical. There is a very big emotional aspect to it, and if that is ignored, it can warp a person's view on sex and love-making. Just my grumpy old opinion.
CH
The sad thing about a woman using casual sex to bolster her self esteem is that they don't realise that some men will poke anything that's vaguely attractive, living and breathing. If he's had a mountain of beer, she doesn't even have to be attractive.
But the positive thing is that your friend has learned by her past. Some people are born wise and don't make those mistakes. Some people gain wisdom by learning from their mistakes. And sadly, some never learn and just keep getting hurt.
To the OP. I'm against FWB too. Someone always falls in love and gets hurt.
friends with benefits in the same sentence as "good clean fun"
Isn't that an oxymoron?
Bellina sends greetings! I'm originally from Europe(Britain),and FWB type situations used to be known as friendly bedfellows! Meaning that people who didn't want any emotional,intimate,loving bonds to tie them,but were sexual and friends too.I'm not into this type relationship,as I truly feel despite 2 people agreeing to be buddies,and share bedroom liasons..one person usually will get hurt,as emotional feelings are the end results.I'm by no means a prude,and still young but just feel FWB situations are for 2 who've been hurt unable to trust in a healthy loving type relationship,all with wonderful passion and sex too.They're usually from 40-60years/divorced,widowed,successful,love their freedom,not wanting to share anything but occasional physical desires/sans feelings,strings and emotions..I bloody think this stinks,and if every couple preferred this there'd be no longer a traditional family unit,of 2 people wanting to find love,intimacy and sex all in hopes of commitments to share loving bonds and more.Sorry,I'm respecting others lifestyles and if FWB is their thing,fine..I'm merely saying what has happened to people friends first,getting to know their interests,personalities,values before saying,I want sex..."Why don't we do it in the road" an old Beatle tune(late 60's)from free-love generation,before aids was known..Inthe millenium,people now practice safesex,as we're better educated on this,but there's this need to digress to the hippie lovein themes in FWB..I'm really not for this and believe younger couples,are more traditional,as seeing my nephews,who marry young,and have gone traditional dating routes..with courting,friends/dating..intimacy/sex and longterm relationships..I believe their song sentiments are Love and Marriage(Sinatras song)and Celines My Heart Will go On..(Titanic)..bring back old tradittional views of men/women relationships..Thank goodness good old fashioned romance hasn't become extinct like the dinosaurs! Well different strokes for different folks,and whatever makes one happy shall hold true,FWB or "How Deep is your Love"(Bee Gees,love song)in an "Endless Love" affair...Best wishes,Bellina
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