Friends with benefits?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Friends with benefits?
7
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 11:24pm
I mentioned to one of my very close guy friends that I was interested in his best friend. He told me that he did in fact think that getting together with his best friend would be a good idea and that he had mentioned to him several times that I was a great girl to get to know, etc.

Anyways, one night when my friend and his best friend spent an evening having drinks, his best friend and i ended up spending a wonderful night together. I didn't think that it would go further that one night or that he would even contact me again, despite the fact that we have great sexual chemistry and get along very well in general. A few days later, he emailed me asking me how things were going, etc. My friend told me that he had asked for my email (props to his best friend for taking the initiative!). We emailed each other back and forth for a few days. This past weekend, a group of us were hanging out a bar and him and I ended up sleeping together again.

I truly like this guy and of course, I enjoy the nights we have spent together and in general just talking to him....but I feel like it's not going to go any further than this. I have very little confidence in starting anything with guys because like many other people, I have had my heart broken a few times. One side of me wants to take some initiative and ask him out (to somewhere else OTHER than a bar with other friends) and the other feels like just waiting for him to call the shots. I have no idea what to do...

I am so confused.

Thank you in advance for any advice and/or comments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 11:53pm
Just my opinion....but I think you're putting the cart before the horse! You're interested in this guy....but you're spreading the word that you're "available", not that you're interested. So, of course, being a normal guy.....he took you up on it. Most guys would.

NOW, you want to date him....how much better it would have been if your male friend had suggested THAT, rather than what he did suggest.

You want more from the guy? Then tell him. What else can you do? He knows you're sexually available....and possibly that's all he's interested in. The only way you'll find out if anything like a relationship will develop is to ask him if it's possible.

Your title is "friends with benefits?".....well, maybe that's what it is for him, but it's obviously not that for you. You two need to talk, and decide what it is and what it will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 11:57pm
Well, the big question is: what do you want from this relationship?

If you want him as your boyfriend, go ahead and ask him out. If you don't want a relationship, then don't. However, if he does say "no" to a date, I would suggest that you stop sleeping with him - so as to avoid confused emotions and more heartbreak. I believe that FWB is a great way to get your heart broken.

Yes, many other people have had their hearts broken - however, most don't let it stop them from having a new relationship. Broken hearts mend - when we get on with our lives. The trick is to not let yourself confuse love and lust and go falling "in love" too early. Fall in love with a man only when you know and trust him. And yes, even when you know and trust someone, the relationship can fail - but learn from the experiences. Let the breakup make you into a stronger, wiser person. Instead of letting a bad man scar you - use your experiences to identify that type more quickly so as to avoid him. And one day, you'll find that perfect someone. You never know, it may be your FWB guy

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 12:21am
In some ways you might be sabotaging a potential relationship with this guy talking and thinking like this. If you DON'T do anything it WILL fizzle out. This guy might be getting the vibes from you and be wondering where it's going too since you seem to be so reserved with him so far.

Just ask him if he wants to do something later in the week - like go out something. Suggest a restaurant or a movie or anything. Just get out and do something. It may not work, but it sure as hell ain't gonna work if you sit around thinking that it's doomed already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 6:07am
Sounds to me that you are calling it *Friends with Benefits* because you think you can fool yourself into believing it will be casual for you. You can get your heart broken either way...it doesn't matter what your relationship is "called." I agree that you need to decide what you want before you go any further.
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anonymous user
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 8:29am
I think he may be interested in more than just a casual sexual relationship with you..Your mutual friend set you two up. Ask him , hes loaded with info about the other guy.There is always risk when one enters a relationship, forget the past heart breaks, fear is the enemy here, not this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 6:40pm
I think you should pull him aside and ask him where you stand. Don't be used girl. Men have us waiting for every beck-n-call for them. What about us? We are suppost to wait till they are ready. It is time to have the talk.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 8:58pm

Hi,


Tough bunch around here. lol


Sharon

A friend is the person who kn