FRUSTRATED!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
FRUSTRATED!!!!
6
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 8:50am

OK. So here's the DEAL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: mrs333luv
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 9:07am

Maybe he's drinking too much beer!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
In reply to: mrs333luv
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 10:12am

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
In reply to: mrs333luv
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 11:05am

I'm in total agreement with sakura on this, mrs 333.











iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2008
In reply to: mrs333luv
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 12:07pm
The bedroom is no place to act out revenge and that is what it seems is happening. You guys are too young to be going through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
In reply to: mrs333luv
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 1:06pm

You all are accurate in your viewpoints, and I certainly think that he can be a big baby at times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: mrs333luv
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:06am

Welcome to the board, mrs333luv. It's a great idea that you're planning on talking with him this weekend. Just wanted to add that the conversation will probably go the best if you use "I" language and not "you" language. If you come across as sounding accusatory towards him, then he's likely to shut down. The conversation won't progress if that happens.

Saying things like "I miss the intimacy" instead of "you don't touch me enough" can make a HUGE difference when trying to have a productive conversation. It's very easy in a relationship to become comfortable and forget to put effort into the special little things. Also, when you became a mom, you likely had your attention turned toward the baby. He had no choice but to give you space for that -- which can form a whole new routine that needs to be broken.

Here are a few articles you might find helpful:

5 Secrets of Getting a Man to Open Up
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_79jcxw99,00.html

Solutions to Your Top Two Communication Problems
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_7p3g,00.html

3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7mcw,00.html

I think it's also a good idea when you have the conversation to give him a chance to respond to things, and have some solutions of your own available. Often couples set up "date nights" to try and regain some of the closeness they have lost, and it works very well for most of them. Those nights don't have to require a night out on the town -- they could just be set aside for time with no TV, friends, phone, internet, etc. after your baby has gone down for the night. The time also doesn't have to be sexual, but of course, the hopes are that it would lead to sex. Whether the two of you sit in the candle light and talk over wine, sit on the back deck and watch the sun set, or play a round of crazy 8's, the important factor is that you're focusing on being together.

Good luck, and let us know how your talk goes this weekend.