frustrated...need help
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frustrated...need help
| Wed, 08-11-2004 - 5:37pm |
hi all,
I'm new here, and I seriously need some advice. I have been with my bf for 5 years. Sex is ok, can be better. The problem is not me though its him. As we all know men are not very good at faking orgasms. My bf does that and it makes me feel unsecure about our sex life. He "says" he has orgasms when he is inside but he does not go limp and he keeps going until I have one. After we are done he proceeds to masturbate with a massage machine around his penis and he has the biggest orgasms. (he can only masturbate with the machine, he can't do it manually) Can he possibly be so used to the intense vibrations of the machine that sex does not compare anymore. He has also admitted that he prefers the machine rather than receiving oral sex. He just wants me to stick around as he masturbated so he could have visual stimulation as he does it. This is making me very frustrated because I am a very sexual person, I like to explore many things and the one thing that I have not been able to explore is giving oral sex because he does not want it. This is affecting me very much. Someone please help me, any advice will be appreciated or if someone has gone through this please comment. I don't know what to do.
I'm new here, and I seriously need some advice. I have been with my bf for 5 years. Sex is ok, can be better. The problem is not me though its him. As we all know men are not very good at faking orgasms. My bf does that and it makes me feel unsecure about our sex life. He "says" he has orgasms when he is inside but he does not go limp and he keeps going until I have one. After we are done he proceeds to masturbate with a massage machine around his penis and he has the biggest orgasms. (he can only masturbate with the machine, he can't do it manually) Can he possibly be so used to the intense vibrations of the machine that sex does not compare anymore. He has also admitted that he prefers the machine rather than receiving oral sex. He just wants me to stick around as he masturbated so he could have visual stimulation as he does it. This is making me very frustrated because I am a very sexual person, I like to explore many things and the one thing that I have not been able to explore is giving oral sex because he does not want it. This is affecting me very much. Someone please help me, any advice will be appreciated or if someone has gone through this please comment. I don't know what to do.

I don't blame you for being frustrated with this.
How do you discuss this with him without hurting his feelings? By saying exactly how YOU feel, because there are TWO of you in that bed, and if his feelings are hurt, so be it. YOUR feelings are hurt.....so why shouldn't his be? If he really wants to, he can break his "habit", and if he really cares about YOUR feelings, then he will try to do that. If he won't try to change (and it won't happen overnight) then that tells you that he's more concerned about his sexual release than he is about you and your feelings. In that case, I'd say you don't have much of a relationship.
I don't think that masturbating every night is too much but he has clearly gotten to the stage where he is using the machine too much. It'll probably take a while for him to get used to orgasming without the machine but it's a habit that he's got to break if there's to be any hope of a decent sex life between the two of you. Talk to him and stay low-key. Just tell him what you've told us and see if you can compromise - maybe he can use it every other time you have sex for starters.
Don't bring it up before, during or right after sex.
Just out of curiosity, is this "machine" the fleshlight? If it isn't, I'd be real curious as to what it is. I never knew such a device existed.
Before I forget, someone asked what type of machine it was.... well its not a specific machine for masturbation. It's an everyday body massage machine that he uses around his penis, and I hate the day he decided to take the darn thing south for a ride lol
it's funny now but the jurney will not be so sweet, I feel better now that I was able to share with someone.